


Losing Game

by SilverTongue26



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27024538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverTongue26/pseuds/SilverTongue26
Summary: Being the eldest means that you have an extra responsibility of taking care of your siblings and making sure that they will surpass your parents' expectation. And if you failed, it is not a surprise that you will face the consequences. But of course, one will still have limits even though they were trained to be one of the best assassins in the world.In which Silva and Kikyo used a new method to punish their eldest, and it is up to Hisoka to save him.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 178
Kudos: 615
Collections: shit I read that gives me a serotonin boost





	1. Something's Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> BRUH I SUCKED AT SUMMARY  
> First of all, I'm in my 2nd year of college and the last time I watched HxH is probably when I was in primary or middle school so I don't really remember all of the details and the storyline, so you could say this fic is a semi-AU. If there's something wrong in the timeline or the details, please forgive me.

There was something eerie about Hisoka being serious. Both Gon and Killua were so used to the mischievous side of the clown, that him being straightforward and efficient intimidated them even more. The pink-haired man pretty much acted like a cat, taking its time to eat their food and purposely torturing them in a long agony. He would confuse his prey with his tricks, explaining his nen, and leaving them in a complete mess. They didn’t expect him to strike a bargain hurriedly with the man Gon and Killua had a problem with and quickly killed him with a slice of one of his cards on the man’s throat after he signed the agreement. 

“Is there anything else?” Hisoka asked after he cleaned his blood-stained card. 

_ Killua didn’t even expect Hisoka to come because he was so certain that he sent his text to his eldest brother.  _

“Uh… No.” Gon answered, unsure. The older man also didn’t throw a single remark about Gon today, which was something so rare that Killua could compare it to a phenomenon where the sun rises from the west. 

“Good. Have a nice day, both of you.” Hisoka smirked, but Killua could tell that it was faked. He was oozing bloodlust, but it was a very different feeling from what Killua usually felt from that man. Yes, Hisoka radiated lust, a common, regular aura that came from him, but Killua could feel wrath and even  _ annoyance _ . As if he was not in the mood for fighting. Another unusual phenomenon. 

It was also something unusual for Illumi not to come when he texted him, as his brother's obsession toward a messed up vision of family was borderline unhealthy. He might’ve hated Illumi, but his brother was a reliable man. Killua knew that Illumi would come as soon as he needed help, no matter how far or how inconvenient it was for him. Watching Hisoka come to the rescue instead of a man with long black locks felt so bizarre. 

Killua's first hypothesis was that Hisoka is Illumi in disguise. Whether by accident or not. The way Hisoka killed that man before was so similar to Illumi’s. Deadly, efficient, and effective. On the other hand, it was unlikely for Illumi to use Hisoka’s card because even though his brother had known him for a long time, Illumi wouldn’t waste his time learning a new trick when he himself already had a signature technique. Also, it was not like Illumi at all to leave both of them straight after he did his job. Illumi would always find a way to passive-aggressively mock the existence of Gon, and always found anything to scold him and asked him to get back to their house. Though it had been a long time since Killua heard his brother's order. 

His second hypothesis was that this man was not Hisoka at all. Maybe someone stole his brother’s phone and this person was an imposter. But Killua communicated with codes, which mean anyone would have to decode it in order for them to understand what he was talking about. And Killua was pretty sure that this man was indeed, the real Hisoka. He just acted not like himself. 

“Why are you here?” Killua suddenly asked before the man disappeared. 

Hisoka stopped mid-track and turned around slowly, revealing a more eerie grin that Killua regretted he even asked the question. 

“Why, why? Would you rather I’m not here?” Hisoka retorted slowly with a sing-song tune. 

“I texted Illumi,” Killua replied. He swore that Hisoka’s left eye twitched a little at the mention of his brother’s name, but he decided not to comment about that. The magician’s mood was already bad enough, and Killua was rather fond of his life. 

“As you can see, young Zoldyck,” Hisoka purposely emphasized his surname, “Your brother isn’t jobless.”

“...And?” 

“Rumors said that the Zoldyck family consists of highly intelligent people,” Hisoka replied in a very vague sentence that Killua almost couldn’t catch the meaning behind it. 

“Are you implying that I’m dense?” Killua was taken aback. 

“Well if you continue to converse in this kind of manner, yes,” Hisoka replied quickly, slowly losing his cool. Killua could feel his agitation despite the nonexistent threats around them. So what was he afraid of? 

“Yes, Killua. Your brother has a job to do. He sent me here.” Hisoka replied again rushingly, after both of the children stayed quiet, “Now, do you have anything else?”

“Uh… we don’t think so.” Gon finally answered after looking at his white-haired friend who stayed silent. 

With Gon’s reply, the only adult there grinned and waved his palm, “Well, then. See you later, kids. I also have jobs to do. Make sure to practice well. I want to see your progress when I see you later.” Hisoka smiled mischievously and one could possibly think that he already went back to his normal self, but Killua was no fool. He knew that the magician hid something, whether it was involving his brother or not. But even if they were outnumbering him, Hisoka was still Hisoka. And the three of them were in an abandoned building, nowhere near crowds so no one would help them if Killua decided to pull Hisoka’s nerve further. 

“Thank you.” Killua finally replied, eyes fixated on the ground. 

Hisoka raised one of his eyebrows.

“...Send my regards to aniki.” Killua scratched the back of his head, not looking anywhere near Hisoka’s eyes. 

With that, Hisoka only nodded and walked away, leaving the two children there standing in confusion. 

“...I never thought Hisoka could be that anticlimactic.” Gon chirped, a few seconds after Hisoka left them. 

“Something’s not right,” Killua commented and shrugged his shoulder. 

  
  


***

The penthouse that Hisoka currently lived in was quiet, except for some conversation between two people and a beeping sound that came from his spare room. His spare room that Illumi usually used when he needed somewhere to rest when his job was around the area. Hisoka sighed, taking a stride toward his kitchen counter as quiet as possible, and pouring himself a glass of whiskey. It was almost full, unlike the amount that he usually poured. Not that he ever liked whiskey, but it was a tiring day and he needed something  _ strong.  _

After gulping it down,  _ he didn’t even put ice in it,  _ he walked to the occupied bedroom and opened the door unannounced. The startled nurse almost yelped but with a pointed look from him, she composed herself. She was a nurse, yes. But she was a nurse who watched television and read the newspaper. She knew who Hisoka was and how powerful he could be, so she didn’t want to cause any ruckus that might cost her life. She also knew the Zoldyck family, even though no picture about them had ever spread, she knew from the injuries and traumas that her patient beside her had, that the rumours were true. 

“Ah, Mr. Morrow. You startled us.” The doctor greeted him with a sheepish smile. He was a short man with a bald spot, his glasses were so thick that Hisoka could compare it with the bottom of a soda bottle. He ushered the nurse to leave the room and she nodded quietly, quickly left the room not before bowing multiple times at Hisoka. 

“Good evening, doctor. It’s Hisoka, please.” He grinned while leaning against the door, holding his refilled whiskey, “Do you have any progress about his condition that you should inform me of?” Hisoka asked while looking at the sleeping--No. Unconscious--figure on the bed. 

“Yes, Sir. You did a pretty good job stopping his bleeding by your nen. It was fascinating if I could say so myself. It seems that your Nen has some kind of antibiotic substance that even without a proper medical supply, Mr. Zoldyck doesn’t have any significant infections. This miraculous discovery would change the medical world forever if we do a profound--”    
  
“His condition, doctor.” Hisoka cut him. 

“Oh, yes. Yes. I’m sorry.” The doctor bowed his head, “As I said before, his bleeding has stopped and we managed to disinfect all of his external wounds. His internal wounds, on the other hand... “ He sighed and took off his glasses, “We managed to stitch up some of his internal bleedings. Our team had intended to work on his ruptured left axillary artery, but his blood pressure was extremely low that he went into shock, so the best thing that we can do for now is put a temporary tourniquet and give him some blood. That’s why his left arm is swollen. If his blood pressure has returned to normal, we will conduct the surgery immediately to prevent any more complications. But besides that, he’s stable. Well… At least for now.” 

Hisoka raised his brow when he saw the doctor sighed at the condition of his patient, “For now?” 

The doctor returned his gaze toward the pink-haired man, scrunching his brows, he replied, “I’m not sure I could explain it to you without sounding crazy. I’m not worried about his arm or his other wounds. He is a fit man without any chronic or acute illness, and judging by his organs’ health, though some of them have old ulcers, he must’ve had nutritious diets. But I found the existence of parasites inside his brain that has recently developed, yet fastly.” 

Hisoka narrowed his eyes, signalling the doctor to continue.

“The parasites have the same mechanism as some worms which its transmission is by eating raw and infected pork, but as I said before, Mr. Zoldyck must’ve consumed only high-quality meals so I doubt that it was transmitted orally.” 

“So what could you do?” Hisoka asked. 

“Unfortunately nothing, Sir.” The doctor replied quietly. 

“What do you mean, nothing?” Hisoka straightened his back, no longer leaning against the door. 

“This condition is not normal in any way. I’m convinced that this parasite is a work of a lab judging by how fast the parasite spreads. It was unknown, and even if the medical world never found any parasites that look like this, I’m sure that no parasites could have the ability as severe as this one. This one was designed as if its job is to purposely torture the host slowly.” The doctor continued. 

Hisoka smirked knowingly at the doctor’s last sentence, “You are absolutely right.”

The doctor looked at him, puzzled. 

“What’s the worst that could happen to him?” Hisoka ignored the look. 

“Well if we couldn’t find a drug immediately and let the parasites grow, he would experience nausea, vomiting, lethargy… He would also have a vision and balance problem. Soon after that, he would feel weakness and numbness. One of the worst is he would have multiple seizures.” 

“The other worst case?” Hisoka walked toward the dresser and put his empty glass on top of it. 

“It could lead to death, Sir.” The doctor continued. 

“Huh. I see.” Hisoka murmured, his right thumb and index fingers absentmindedly rubbed his left ring finger. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Hisoka is so out of character, but then I need that contrast so that everyone could understand that he cared for Illumi T-T
> 
> Feel free to comment, give constructive criticism and prompts on the comment section! I appreciate it! Thank you!


	2. Evacuation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the pink-haired man, the existence of Illumi Zoldyck was the only constant thing in his life. The black-haired man was always appears in almost all of Hisoka's memories that one could say that he grew an attachment to the assassin. So whenever Illumi ignored him, it didn't sit right with Hisoka. It turned out that there was more into it than what Hisoka thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a huge author's block lately. Medschool is very tiring T-T  
> I apologise if there are mistakes in this fic. It was unbeta :D

**(Thursday, 13.04) Hisoka to Illumi <3:** Are you going to take the mission that you told me last week?

**(Thursday, 13.04) Hisoka to Illumi <3:** I would love to have you around ;)

**(Thursday, 17.56) Hisoka to Illumi <3:** Ignoring me, I see. Are you mad, love?

**(Thursday, 17.58) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** I swear I will buy you that strawberry yoghurt that you love so much. I didn’t know that you are obsessed with that. 

**(Thursday, 23.45) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** Lumiiiiii :( Why are you ignoring me?

**(Yesterday, 05.30) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** Are you on a mission right now? Without telling me? How rudeeee :(

**(Yesterday, 08.33) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** Love, did you lose your phone? 

**(Yesterday, 08.33) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** Eh, stupid me. You wouldn’t answer if you did lose your phone hahaha

**(Yesterday, 11.38) Hisoka to Illumi <3:** I’ll call Killua

**(Yesterday, 11.55) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** You hear that? I’ll call Killua

**(Yesterday, 13.22) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** That’s it, I’m calling you

**(Yesterday, 13.22) Hisoka to Illumi <3:** _Cancelled call_

**(Yesterday, 13.45) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** _ Cancelled call _

**(Yesterday, 15.59) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** _ Cancelled call _

**(Yesterday, 18.34) Hisoka to Illumi <3: ** _ Cancelled call _

No matter how old fashioned one would say about Illumi, he was always with his phone. He put almost all of his missions’ information inside that little device. Not only that, it was his last communication media that was still connected with Killua’s, so it was pretty clear that it was almost impossible if he left or lost his phone somewhere. 

Illumi was also a straightforward man. He would always reply to anyone that texted him— _ except for spams— _ no matter how unimportant it was. The worst thing that Hisoka ever experienced was Illumi ignoring his texts. But even then it only happened in a few hours and Illumi actually read it. He was just awfully annoyed by him that he decided not to answer. Ignoring calls was a different story. The only thing that kept him from answering calls was when he was really occupied by his job. But even then, he would always answer the next call, or even called them back.

It was three days, eleven ignored texts, four unanswered calls. 

Usually, Hisoka would not even care when someone ignored him. His sole purpose was to entertain, no matter how good or bad people reciprocate it. He knew that not all people had the same sense and same ideology as he had, and he had come to accept the truth that humans were, essentially, an individualist. 

No matter how dependent and reliant humans were, in the end, they would decide their own paths. Just as lion cubs who were terribly dependent on their mothers, they eventually had to leave their pride to make new ones. So, lonely was not a strange word for the magician.

But of course, Illumi was an exception. Through all of those decades that Hisoka had spent in his entire life, Illumi had grown on him. That blank eyes and emotionless face contained raging emotions inside. That long, well-groomed ebony hair contained his pride, as a Zoldyck, and as someone who had achieved power and status. That slender hands contained faint scars that were visible if he squinted enough, obtained from years and years of training and missions. Hisoka adored everything about Illumi. 

And how fortunate for Hisoka, the assassin didn’t leave him. Unlike others who eventually grew tired of his antics, Illumi stayed. He ignored his dirty remarks, he even scolded him if the clown had gone too far. They had fights, more often than not. But he  _ stayed.  _

Hisoka’s spare room that was once a plain, white sheet bed with a nightstand was now screaming Illumi. First came the clothes he left there. Then came the spare needles. Vanilla shampoo. Hair vitamins. And at last, furniture that Hisoka bought to suit the assassin’s taste. Eventually, it was not a spare room anymore. It was Illumi’s. 

So when the black-haired man ignored him, Hisoka was  _ slightly _ annoyed. 

_ Illumi was the only one left. He mustn't leave. He mustn't leave—he must NOT. _

At 22.36, Hisoka’s phone rang and he never grabbed his phone and answered it as fast as he was at that time.

“Finally, love~ I thought you finally left me and my own sad heart alone,” Hisoka answered dramatically. Though he couldn’t deny that he was so relieved that Illumi finally called and a smile so wide plastered on his face. 

What didn’t Hisoka expect was a muffled hushed voice that  _ definitely  _ wasn’t Illumi’s, “Listen to me right now. You are Illu-nii’s friend, right?” 

“...Milluki?” Hisoka guessed. No one called Illumi with Illu-nii except for Kalluto and Milluki, and he knew the youngest’ voice enough to tell that the voice speaking on the other side wasn’t Kalluto’s. 

“Yes. I am Milluki. You are Illu-nii’s friend, right?” Milluki repeated his question, still in a hushed tone. 

“Illumi would rather cut off his own hair rather than admitting that he has a friend, but…” Hisoka chuckled, “If you put it that way, yes. We are friends. I could go as far as saying that we are  _ more  _ than friends.” Hisoka smirked while examining his newly manicured fingers. 

“Good.” Milluki ignored the clown’s additional information, “Listen. I don’t have much time. Illumi, specifically, doesn’t have much time. Mother has locked him in one of the torture chambers while father has instructed me to keep all of his devices. I won’t answer your phone if I know that he could handle it, but…” 

“Yes?” Hisoka prompted him to continue. 

“Illu-nii  _ screamed  _ this evening—” Milluki continued. 

“What?” Hisoka cut him, too surprised at the other’s statement. He stood up from his couch and walked toward his room.

“—And you’ve known him for years, yeah? He never screamed. Illu-nii’s practically immune to all of mother’s training, but this evening was so intense. Even the butlers are gloomy. You are the only one that has been persistently contacting my brother for the past three days and I need you to take him away. Where are you right now?” 

“Heaven’s arena. I already booked the nearest flight to your city. You can expect me to arrive in two hours.” Hisoka replied as he changed into his usual attire. 

“Good. I assume you already knew how to enter our residence, yes? Well, don’t enter via the main gate. The butlers would warn my parents about your arrival and they’ll keep Illu-nii in a more secluded part of the house that I wouldn’t even know where.” Milluki explained. 

“You have a guard dog,” Hisoka stated simply as he left his penthouse to the elevator. 

“Well, kill him, you clown!” Milluki snapped impatiently. 

“Illumi is rather fond of Mike. I don’t think killing the dog would make him happy.” Hisoka joked as he entered the elevator and waited for it to reach the ground floor.

“Do you seriously prioritize our dog more than my brother!?” Milluki protested. 

“I prioritize your brother  _ and  _ your brother’s  _ feelings.  _ I said he wouldn’t be happy if I killed his dog.” Hisoka corrected. 

“Oh my god—“ 

“Besides, you do know that I could sneak in without alerting Mike, right?” Hisoka continued. His heels made a loud clicking noise that caught a lot of attention at the Heaven’s Arena lobby. 

“Just—Ugh! Just do whatever you want, as long as you don’t get noticed by our parents.” Milluki growled and Hisoka laughed as he raised his hand toward a valet, signalling him to get him a vehicle. 

“I’m on it.” Hisoka grinned. 

“Another thing, you have to call me when you arrive at the main gate so that I could disable the cameras. But you only have approximately five minutes before the butlers become suspicious. Use your ability to identify where the cameras are and try to use the blind spots in case something goes wrong. I managed to trick my parents to move my area to the second floor. So, as soon as you arrive, you have to get into the house via the window on the far right of the second floor. I expect you’ll be there before 2.30 because mother will give him a regular ice bath at three. Do you understand?” The assassin’s younger brother explained. 

“Yessir~” Hisoka joked as he looked at a black sedan that drove and stopped in front of him. 

“Good. Please come over quickly. It was so gut-wrenching here. It was almost identical to his scream twelve years old ago.” Replied Milluki. 

Hisoka who had just opened the door’s car stopped midway and froze. His body was tense and he gripped the car handles so hard that it might bend, “What did you say?” He commented dangerously. 

“Are you alright, Sir?” The driver's worried face is clearly visible. He was driving for Hisoka Morrow! As if his reputation wasn’t infamous enough, he was driving in a bad mood, Hisoka Morrow. Fortunately, the magician only raised his finger to silence him and firmly command him to drive the car to the airport. 

“I know everything about it. I might have been eight when it happened, but I was eight  _ and _ a Zoldyck. Father told me about it vaguely, as if it would avoid me from knowing, but I knew. Mother had forced me to read and watched all kinds of tortures that I understood everything behind my father’s implied words.” Milluki sighed, “That’s why I need you to come.” 

“How barbaric of a man your father is,” Hisoka replied darkly before hanging up the phone. 

***

Hisoka arrived at the gate of Kukuroo Mountain earlier than he expected. He quickly called Milluki, informing the 2nd oldest to deactivate the surveillance cameras. Getting into the area was not a problem for Hisoka, even though he had to use his nen as effectively as possible so that the chance of getting caught by the guard dog is minimal. Bungee gum has a strong sweet scent, so any wasteful use must be avoided as possible. 

He knocked twice on the window that Milluki instructed him and the window shortly opened to show a large dark silhouette waiting for him. Milluki's face was pale, paler than he remembered. The combination of never leaving the house and the stress about the current situation made his face look ashen. His tight pink shirt had sweat spots around the neck and armpits despite the cold environment of the room. 

“Good. You arrived early. Use this,” Milluki gave him a small, round device, “Put it inside your ear. That way, you can hear my instruction when you go to the chamber. I couldn’t come with you because I have to work on the cameras.”

“How advance~” Praised Hisoka as he observed the small object on his palm before putting it on his ears. Milluki then put a headphone accompanied with a microphone on his head, testing the device. 

“Is it working?” He asked from the microphone. 

“Yup,” Hisoka replied with a popping sound. Milluki then proceeded to walk toward his bed and grabbed a thick brown blanket. 

“He’ll need this.” Said Milluki as he gave him the blankets. It felt soft on Hisoka’s hand, light yet warm. 

“The chamber is in the dungeon. When you leave this room, go to your left and take the first stairs you find. When you arrive downstairs, you’ll find a hallway to the left that leads you to the kitchen. The chefs aren’t going to notice your arrival as long as they don’t see you. Keep your footsteps as light as possible. You will find a small door on the left side of the kitchen that leads to the dungeon. The butlers and chefs never use that door and the only people that are allowed to use it are the family members. Illumi’s room is on the left side of the dungeon.” Milluki explained. 

“Are there any traps that I should be aware of?” Hisoka asked. 

“The traps are set in accordance with the cameras, so if I deactivate it, your existence shouldn’t trigger it. Though stay alert and try to use the blind spots.” Milluki answered. 

“Okay~” 

“Here’s the complicated part. The cameras were built to alert the whole house if it has been malfunctioning for more than seven minutes. I couldn’t turn it off because it’ll alert the house also. So you need to take him in seven minutes.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Hisoka stared at him. 

“I’m deadly serious.”

“How am I supposed to execute an evacuation mission in a giant mansion for seven minutes?” Hisoka retorted. 

“Well, I don’t know?! You’re Hisoka. You’ll find a way.” Milluki hissed. 

“How encouraging.” Said Hisoka sarcastically. 

Milluki ignored him and sat down on his chair in front of his laptop, “I will guide you if there’s something wrong, but please refrain from answering out loud. You may go…Now.”

As soon as Milluki gave the signal, Hisoka left the room as fast and as quiet as possible. Sneaking in the Zoldyck Manor is usually a complicated work to do, but with the help of Milluki, Hisoka found that it was actually pretty easy. Their security system, though tight, was flawed. They were too focused on their ego as one of the most notorious families in the world that they neglected to update their technology. It was a good thing that Milluki Zoldyck was on his side, for he was the one who would notice all of the manor’s faults and increase their securities if he was on their side. 

Hisoka had no problem sneaking upon the chefs and entering the secret passage to the dungeon. If Hisoka thought that the manor was cold enough, he was wrong. The dungeon was  _ freezing _ . 

No one could say otherwise about the dungeon except that it was filled with unhappy memories, nightmares, and torment. Hisoka thought that he already saw a lot of torture forms, but the Zoldycks exceeded his expectation. 

_ Poison bottles. Whips. Heretic’s forks. Thumbscrews. Iron maidens.  _

He walked toward the door that he assumed was Illumi’s and slowly opened the giant metal door. 

He let out a small gasp. 

In the center of the room, there was an unmoving figure whose hands were chained and hung onto the ceiling. His left arm had an open fracture and was bent abnormally. He had a large gash from his side, but the blood had already dried, so Hisoka concluded that it was already there since yesterday. There are numerous shallow cuts spread all over his body that was naked, apart from the thin cloth that hung loosely around his thin waist. Despite the freezing temperature, there were maggots in some of his wounds that made it infected and worsened his condition. Hisoka couldn’t even describe  _ the smell. _

The worst thing is the assassin’s eyes. They were opened yet vacant, as if he was not even a human in the first place, only a puppet, abandoned by its master. One would assume that he was already dead, but Hisoka knew that he was alive.  _ He must be.  _

The magician had a strong stomach but he felt nauseous right now. He didn’t move for he thought was an eternity, and his throat was closed as if something had stuck in there. 

“Two minutes, Hisoka.” Milluki’s voice came through the device that the boy gave him, and Hisoka forced himself to walk toward the injured man. 

“His hair is shorter than the last time I saw him,” Hisoka stated to Milluki, more like a question. Illumi’s hair usually reached below his waist, but now it was matted with blood, uneven, and length only half of his usual hair. 

“Um. Mother cut an inch of his hair every time she started her training and every time he had a wrong answer. He takes care of his hair well as a display of his responsibility, so by cutting it, mother truly expressed her disappointment toward him.” Explained the boy from the other side of the manor. 

“What a bitch.” Hisoka commented as he examined him. First, he broke the chain that shackled his right arm, but he made a huge mistake by that as for now his whole body was hanging from his left, badly wounded arm. 

The said arm made a cracking sound and a second later, blood was dripping from it steadily and Hisoka cursed loudly, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

“What the hell happened?!” Milluki demanded an explanation. 

“He’s fucking bleeding. Shiiitttt!” Hisoka quickly broke the chain and dropped Illumi instantly, as gentle as possible on the floor while holding his bleeding arm with his palm. 

“Do something!” Milluki commanded. 

“I’m trying here, you pig.” Hisoka cursed whilst still trying to stop the bleeding. He put the blanket under Illumi’s unconscious body and used his bungee gum to block the bleeding arm. 

“One minute, Hisoka.” 

“I’m not gonna make it in one minute!” Hisoka protested. The bleeding was not as rapid as before, but blood was still dripping from the arm and he knew that he must work extra to really stop the bleeding. If not, he would die of blood loss and Hisoka pretty much preferred Illumi alive. 

“My parents are going to kill me.” Milluki groaned. 

“Being dead is pretty much better than this,” Hisoka grumbled. Illumi’s bleeding was finally stopped, but he had to be careful about the other wounds. He started to use bungee gum on the bleeding side when Milluki reminded him of his time again. 

“Come on, Hisoka! 15 seconds left!” 

“What should I do?!” 

“Use the blind spot, use the fucking blind spot!!” Milluki was literally screaming and the boy prayed to whoever was up there, hoping that no one was alerted by his voice. 

“Shit, you’re right!” Hisoka quickly carried the injured man in his arms and hid in the blind spot as Milluki finally reactivated the surveillance cameras. 

“That was scary.” Milluki sighed heavily. His whole shirt was now drenched in sweat. 

“You tell me.” Hisoka retorted. His heart was beating faster than it usually would, although he couldn’t decide whether it was because of the adrenaline rush or because of the severely injured man in his arms. 

“Okay. I’m going to turn off the cameras again, but now you can use the secret door on the ceiling at the north side of the dungeon. All you have to do is walk straight and turn right at the first T-junction. At the end of the hall, you’ll find a hidden door on the ceiling and it leads straight to the front garden. You can leave Kukuroo Mountain after that.” Milluki explained. 

“What about you? You won’t come?” Hisoka asked the other Zoldyck. 

“No. It’ll be too suspicious if I left and someone let Illumi escape in one day. It’s better if my parents still think that I’m at their side.” Milluki answered. 

“Are you sure you won’t get caught? You’re not a talented liar.” Hisoka teased the boy. 

There was a second of silence which made Hisoka realize that there were big chances his parents would find out about his plot. His life was in danger too, “...Let’s just hope that they won’t notice.” 

_ Milluki was scared shitless but of course, he wouldn’t admit it to the clown even in his final breath _ .

“Hm. Okay then~” Hisoka chuckled. 

Finding the hidden door was another easy task for Hisoka. He quickly jumped and he was finally back on the ground. He was surrounded by beautiful roses that he would admire if not by the fact that someone was actually dying on his arms. 

“I’m in the garden.” Hisoka informed Milluki.

“Good. You can go now.” Milluki replied, “...And Hisoka?” 

“Yes?”

“Take care of him.” 

The clown grinned, so big that he felt his skin stretched dry, the result of the cold temperature, “What a good younger brother~” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Milluki groaned. 

“Oh, don’t be like that. We had a good future brothers-in-law bonding moment today.” Hisoka teased. 

“Go, you idiot!” 

“Alright, alright. Take care of yourself, you pig.” Hisoka chuckled and proceeded to leave the daunting Zoldyck Manor and all of its Kukuroo Mountain behind. 

***

Two days later, after a couple of surgeries and a couple of critical moments, Illumi laid peacefully in his dreamless sleep, in Hisoka’s penthouse. His left arm finally looked normal despite the thick bandage that wrapped around it. The doctor’s team had cut his hair to evened it out, and though it was now shorter, it at least looked better now than his uneven hair before. It only slightly reached his collarbone, and it would take a long time to grow it back to its usual length, but Hisoka was sure that Illumi could live with that. 

“What am I gonna do about you?” Hisoka uncrossed his arms and gently stroked the sleeping man’s cheek and sat down onto the chair beside the bed, waiting for the assassin to wake up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! What do you think about this chapter? I really want to know your opinion about Milluki's character depicted in here. Is he too nice? Is Hisoka too serious? 
> 
> Comments, prompts, criticisms are very much welcomed and appreciated! :)


	3. Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi was finally woke up from his sleep, feeling disoriented. His conversation with Hisoka made him come to a term about his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not kidding I would never recommend medical school because it kills. Mentally and Physically T-T  
> I'm now having pharmacology module and I never felt so clueless in my life. Someone please send help.

Illumi couldn’t describe how it was like being a Zoldyck. He was grateful that their parents gave him everything that they thought was the best for their children, yet he felt like he was trapped, caged in a small crate, impossible to be released. 

He was happy, of course. He achieved things that normal people couldn’t. People whispered his name as if he was some kind of deity, ready to strike as soon as they said something wrong. Authorities, police, influential people would follow whatever he told them to do out of fear and respect. So why couldn’t he breathe? If he was happy, why did he feel so _empty_ all the time? Why did Killua resent him whenever he gave him advice? He only wanted the best for his family. Was that a bad thing? 

In the end, Illumi realized that he was, in fact, not happy. 

Of course, that realization couldn’t change anything because he was _still_ a Zoldyck. He was too caught up, tangled in the puppet strings that his parents created for him. There were things that could be fixed, and there were some that were so broken, no one could do anything about it. Illumi categorized himself as the latter. 

Killua, on the other hand, still had hope. He always had compassion inside himself that his other siblings lack. That compassion was the only rope that he could use to get himself out of the cage that their parents designed for him. But he was only fourteen. He was a child. And a child couldn’t do much to face two grown adults whose whole life were revolved around murder. And so he tried to help because as broken as he was, he wanted to be a good brother. As late as he was, he wanted to help the white-haired boy and his other siblings. 

It started off small, simple. Illumi didn’t terrorize his brother’s phone anymore. He stopped calling, stopped reprimanding, stopped texting, and just let Killua do whatever he wanted. Sometimes Killua called, asking him to get him and his friend out of whatever various troubles that the two boys managed to get themselves into. In exchange for that, Killua went home for a small amount of time, only to escape again into the wild. 

His parents didn’t notice his lack of desire to control his brother at first, so they went with the regular training every time he ‘accidentally’ messed up. But of course, as Killua grew, he gained a lot of experience, he matured, and he could solve his problems on his own. So Illumi was not needed much anymore, and Killua didn’t have any reason to return home. 

That’s when his parents got suspicious. 

He got called to his father’s room, something that was very rare for him. When he was a kid, getting called into his father’s room meant two things; he did a wonderful job that his father personally praised him or he did something terribly wrong. Illumi didn't remember the last time he got called for the first reason, but he did remember clearly when he got called for the last reason. He did nothing too extravagant for him to deserve praise so he braced himself to face the worst. 

‘The worst’ that Illumi could think of turned out to be heaven compared to the hell he experienced that time. His father had interrogated him, forced the words to come out of his small mouth so that it fitted and pleased him. When he tried to lie, his father struck him mercilessly, and Illumi couldn’t fathom how this old man still had the strength to make his ears rang every time that massive palm met his face. His mother had taken his phone, in which he cursed silently because it contained all of his secrets, some of which could cost his life. 

He was thankful that his mother gave the device to Milluki, as the boy couldn’t care less about his life and would only focus on his figurines and animes. 

The training was torturous, but that was the point, so Illumi couldn’t really object. But she did cut his hair every time she started her sessions and every time his answer didn’t please her, and his heart shattered every time she showed him an inch of hair that was detached from his head. 

Slowly yet steadily, the tortures became unbearable. Illumi didn’t remember that it could hurt that much. He was less often at home, so maybe his parents had upgraded their new torture devices that Illumi had no idea of. Though the thing that hurt him the most was when his mother pulled out a ring and showed it in front of his face and asked him with a sweet, dotted voice of hers, “Illumi dear… What is this, honey?” 

He mentally cursed himself to be so careless. His parents had called him out of sudden that he had no time to hide his ring. The only thing that he could do was put it inside his pocket and hope that their parents wouldn’t notice. He was wrong. 

Illumi was quiet, unable to answer his mother. He knew that she _knew._ The clown name was written on the inner part of the ring, after all. 

“Hi… So… Ka.” His mother spelt slowly after no voice came out of him, “Isn’t that the infamous, disgusting, revolting, horrendous red-headed clown whose job was a fighter at one of those detestable shows? What is that called… Heavens… Heavens Area? Heavens Arena!” 

He kept silent as his mother raised her voice steadily, becoming more hysteric, “Why is his name on your ring, dear? Why did his disgusting name taint our name?” 

“Answer me, boy!” His mother grabbed his chin roughly and he _couldn’t think._

“It’s nothing, mother.” He chose the safest answer that he knew too well that it wouldn’t work.

His mother grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked it roughly, cutting it an inch more, “I didn’t raise you to be a liar!” 

Illumi wanted _so badly_ to yell back at his mother. To say that he could do whatever the fuck he wants. He wanted to say that he was an adult, he could have any associates— _friends_ —he wants. He was now stronger than her. He was sure. But he couldn’t command his body to work. Disobeying, talking back to his parents was just not installed in his system. So his last resort was to stay quiet, hoping that his mother wouldn’t pry on his social life anymore. 

“Your mother and father raised you to be a good, responsible man. What is it that we didn’t give to you? All we ask is to take care of your siblings and use the Zoldyck name wisely. But what did you do? Fornicating with a disgusting, low-class clown who doesn't even have a family! What are you going to do with your future, my dear Illumi?!” His mother's hysterical shriek could be heard through all of the parts of the manor even if she was in the dungeon. Kikyo Zoldyck could be misidentified as a banshee and people would still believe it. 

Illumi didn’t remember much about the rest of the torture except for the part that he even _begged_ for his mother not to destroy his ring, though she was furious that he decided to choose a mere magician than his family. He truly lost it when her mother whispered things that she would do to him if he continued to disobey. _Various_ things containing fragments from his past. Family’s colleagues. Torn furisode and splitted lips. First breakdown. 

The next thing he knew was that his throat felt sore and finally his body seemed to react on its own to the point that he was physically conscious but mentally drained. He lost all control of his nerves and his mind detached itself from his body. He could only see through his glassy, unblinking eyes vaguely about what his mother did to him. He remembered that his mother forced him to drink a couple of poisons, some of them left a bad taste in his mouth. He also remembered inhaling some powder that made his throat constrict nastily, leaving him in a huge coughing fit. 

There was someone who rescued him, but Illumi had long stopped thinking so all he could feel is the warmth radiating from both of the thick blanket that his rescuer draped on him and the warmth that came from his rescuer himself. Though not long after that, he managed to close his eyes as the blood loss finally took its toll on him, forcing him into the realm of the unconscious. 

***

The assassin’s eyelashes fluttered slowly in the morning of his third slumbers. His eyes were blurry, and he had to blink several times to focus on the ceiling that was foreign yet familiar at the same time. His chest felt tight and he had trouble breathing as if someone had inserted something inside his breathing pathway. He looked on his left, his arm was bandaged tightly, and he could feel the stiff stick sustained said arm.

  
  


_Oh. It’s broken._

“Good morning, sleepyhead~” A sudden, sickly sweet voice came from his right and he instantly panicked. Why didn’t he feel any presence at all? Was his nen not working?

The voice clearly noticed his restlessness as he finally appeared in his vision while his pink manicured hand swiped his sweaty forehead, “Hey, hey, hey… Calm down, sweetheart. It’s just me.”

“Nhh… Nh! Can’t— br—” Though it was only Hisoka, the tight feel on his chest was already beginning to overwhelm him. He had just realized that his mouth was filled with a tube, his throat felt itchy and he started to cough. 

“Okay, okay. Be patient for a second, dear. The doctor will be here shortly.” Hisoka hushed the black-haired man as he pushed the panic button, signalling the medical team to arrive shortly. 

Not even ten seconds passed, a doctor and a nurse came to the room. Hisoka explained his discomfort and they quickly and as gently as possible released the ventilator out of his body. _Finally._

The nurse carefully offered him a glass of water in which he accepted greedily. She returned the glass on the other side of the room after he finished it. 

“How are you feeling, Mr. Zoldyck?” The doctor asked him. 

Illumi only scrunched his eyebrows. 

“Ah. Disorientation is a common thing for someone who has been unconscious for days.” The doctor smiled, “You don’t have to give us the exact answer, but I assume that you are okay, judging by your vital signs. I’ll let you rest for a while now. If you have any discomfort, you can call us.” With that, the doctor and the nurse nodded to him and Hisoka, and left them both. 

Both of them stayed silent in an amount of time. Hisoka only sat on the chair beside his bed, crossing his arms patiently. He was _really_ patient today. Finally, it was Illumi who broke the silence. 

“Where am I?” He asked slowly. His throat was still sore, but it felt better than before. 

“Illumi…” Hisoka whined, “It was really offensive for you not to recognize your own room.” 

Illumi stared at him blankly, “Why am I here? I was at my house.” 

“Well, of course, you’re here because your knight in shining armour finally rescued you from the dragon tower!” Hisoka replied, exaggerating. 

“Please stop joking, Hisoka.” 

“But it was the truth? What should I tell you, then?” Hisoka retorted. 

“I was in my house. I was in training.” The assassin stated. No one would be safe if they interrupt his mother’s training. She would literally rip them apart. 

“Yes, you were. But now you’re not because I stole you.” Hisoka smiled, his eyes disappeared behind his grin. He didn’t use any makeup that Illumi could see some freckles that he usually hid. 

“...Did you kill my parents?” Illumi asked again, after a minute of thinking. 

“Unfortunately not, dear. Though it was really hard for me not to do it. But I had to move quickly to help you.” Hisoka explained. 

“Then what did you do to them?”

  
  


“I didn’t do anything, love. Though your mother must be hysterical right now to find her oldest son’s torture chamber is empty.” Hisoka chuckled, imagining a woman with her usual visor screamed loudly at anyone, cursing at their incompetents. 

“Don’t lie to me, Hisoka. It would be impossible to get into my house without anyone noticing.” Illumi replied back, now trying to sit down despite his condition. Hisoka quickly rushed to his side, stopping him. 

“Dear, please don’t do anything stupid when you’re injured. Just lay back. You’ll tear your stitches.” He suggested. Illumi opened his mouth to protest but Hisoka’s look shut his mouth as he knew that the clown was right.

With a huff, Illumi placed himself in a comfortable position. Hisoka finally placed a couple of pillows underneath his head and back to support him. At least now he was not just laying there like a pathetic loser. He still wondered how Hisoka managed to get into his house unnoticed. Does that mean his house was not as safe as their parents said? He knew that Hisoka’s nen was sickly sweet in scent, then how come Mike didn’t notice him? What about their family’s safety? What about his siblings? Were they safe? 

“Illumi.” Hisoka’s voice startled him, “You’re spacing out.”

Oh. 

Illumi examined his room, _his not so official room._ There was nothing different except now, beside his bed were installed some medical equipment that supported his body. He looked at Hisoka and saw that the man had a different facial expression than he normally had. He looked… tensed. Somehow. 

The assassin's eyes finally landed on something itchy that softly scratched his collarbone and he was sure that his heart stopped beating for a second, “What did you do to my hair?” He asked in a dark tone. 

“Your mother cut your hair, love. And I have the right to say that she is not a good hairdresser at all!” Hisoka leaned over, put both of his elbows on the bed to support his head. 

“It was not _this short_ ,” Illumi stated.

“Would you rather have uneven hair? It looks good on you, love. Though any hair length looks good on you. Hell, you could be bald and you would still look beautiful.” Hisoka replied, trying to calm the other man. 

“It’s not about _looking good._ You know that.” Illumi insisted. If Hisoka didn’t know Illumi better, he might have categorized his reply as _whining_. 

“I know. But would you rather meet your clients with an atrocious flop of blacks you called hair? I’m sure you wouldn’t.” Hisoka’s answer silenced him. Deep down, he knew that the pink head was right. But it was still a sad thing, he guessed? His hair was one of the things that he associated with his power, achievements, and responsibility. One could say that it was childish, how could an assassin obsess with their hair that much? But it was the thing that was taught by his mother, and leaving your habits was a hard thing to do. 

_His mother would brush his hair every night when he was a kid. It was at Kalluto’s length that time, “You have such shiny hair, honey.”_

_She would give his hair the best product. Its scent reminded him of his favourite ice cream flavour._

_“Remember, Illumi. Your hair is your pride. It is also your asset. Take care of it like you take care of yourself.” His mother would say. And Illumi nodded quietly, mentally taking notes on how to take care of it._

_His father would look at him with disgust, masked in a pity stare every time he failed, “With hair that long, I thought you already mastered what I had just taught you.”_

_And Illumi would cut his hair unevenly, every time he failed his father. And the butlers would trim to even it out, every time he messed up._

“By the way, if you want to know that bad about your rescue mission, Milluki helped.” Hisoka once again woke him up from his daydream. 

“Milluki?” He asked, dumbfoundedly.

“Quite a surprise, yes? I thought so too. I guess he was too annoyed with how many notifications I gave your phone for three days straight. Next thing I knew, he called me, explained to me about rescuing you, turning off the surveillance camera, using technology… yada-yada. I don’t even wanna try to understand.” Hisoka chuckled, his right arm went to Illumi’s forehead, brushing strands of hair out of his face. 

Illumi brushed off his hand, “Three days?”

“Yes, dear. I texted you, called you, even threatened you to call Killua, but you didn’t answer. I was so worried that you grew tired of me! I thought you left me!” Hisoka replied with a dramatic tone, his left arm touched his chest and the other on his forehead. 

“I was not there for three days?” Illumi replied, more like asking. He frowned. 

“Oh, my. You really lost your sense of time there. You were there for three days, Illumi. You can ask Milluki.” 

Did he really? He didn’t remember how long he was there exactly. But he must’ve noticed if a day has passed? His mother would usually send a butler to give them food, as disgusting and as bland as it was. So why didn’t he remember being given food at all? 

“What about Milluki? Is he okay?” Illumi might’ve not been that close to the second eldest, but it was Milluki who was there with him when nobody else wasn’t even born yet. It was Milluki whom his mother first asked to take care of. It was Milluki that their parents asked him to train before Killua was born and his white hair changed everything and suddenly Milluki was abandoned, both by his parents and him. All of their attention was now on Killua and Illumi never imagined that this realization could hit him _this hard._

_Wasn’t it him that swear to protect their siblings? So why did he only follow his parents’ step to focus only on Killua? What about Milluki, Alluka, and Kalluto?_

“I don’t know whether I could answer that question, my love. I never heard of him after I saved you.” Hisoka answered frankly. 

Illumi couldn’t help himself to worry about his otaku brother. Milluki might have always been on his parents’ side, and he had done nothing that looked suspicious. But when something like a Zoldyck son disappeared and the malfunction of surveillance cameras happened on the same day and in the same exact moment, Milluki would be the first suspect. 

“Would you like to call him, dear?” Hisoka prompted, his hand went to his pocket to pull out his phone, handing it to Illumi. 

Illumi accepted his phone, only to put it on his lap, staring at it for a minute, “I don’t think that’s a wise thing to do.” 

“If mother does realize that it was Milluki who helped you, the last thing you would do is to call him. Mother would know your location.” Illumi explained and gave Hisoka his phone back. 

“Aw~ Are you worried about me?” Hisoka teased the other man. 

“Anyone would be worried if Kikyo Zoldyck is after him.” Illumi replied. 

“Hm. Okay then, If you say so.” Hisoka shrugged. 

They fell again in comfortable silence. It was still unusual for Hisoka not to bother him with a bunch of nonsense, but maybe the magician noticed that Illumi needed as much rest as he needed. 

Illumi closed his eyes, intending to sleep but then Hisoka broke the silence, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Illumi looked at him. “Go on,” He said.

“Your condition is mostly stable. I’m sure that you’d recover quickly. For now.” Hisoka started and stopped. 

Illumi waited for him patiently, “But?” 

Hisoka looked at him weirdly, as if he was having difficulties finding the right words, “But… You might not be able to do your missions.” 

“Of course I might not be able to do my missions. You basically kidnapped me from my parents.” Illumi stared at him as if it was obvious. 

“No… I mean—“ Hisoka sighed, “You might now be able to do _any_ missions anymore.” 

Illumi stared at him, clearly confused. 

“What.” He replied flatly.

“I think your parents put something in your brain.” Hisoka tried to explain, clearly failing as Illumi squinted his eyes and frowned.

“I think we can both agree that they have been doing that since I was born.” Illumi replied flatly. His eyes went to the empty glass beside his bed and Hisoka stood up, took the glass and refilled it. 

“Will you let me finish?” Hisoka asked while waiting for the glass to fill up, “Are your parents experimenting… Parasites? Worms, bugs, tiny things like that?”

Illumi scrunched his eyebrows, “Not that I know. I’m rarely home, anyway. I don’t know what they’ve been up to right now. Why?” 

“...Well, dear. I think they put something inside your brain. The doctor said that it’s some kind of parasite.” Hisoka explained and Illumi’s frown deepened. Before Illumi had the chance to say anything, he continued, “The doctor couldn’t identify what is the parasite, thus couldn’t treat you. They speculated that the thing infecting you right now is a work of an experiment.” 

“I see,” Illumi replied shortly. It was not a rare thing that his parents went overly creative with their training. Illumi had just never assumed that they went overboard with this one. _But he would be okay. Right?_

“Well, it’s okay. It’ll go away.” Illumi assured the magician, even though he was having a hard time assuring his own self. _It was just training. Mother and father must’ve designed it for them to dissolve on its own, right?_

“No, dear. It’s not. It won’t go away until you consume some drugs to kill the parasite. But since it is an unknown parasite, the doctor couldn’t give you the right medicine.” Hisoka explained after he handed Illumi his water, trying to be as calm as possible. 

“What will happen to me, then?” The assassin started to panic and tried to cope with drinking his water slowly.

Hisoka waited for him to finish his drink so that Illumi wouldn’t choke on it, “Um. The doctor said that if it stays in your brain you will feel nauseous and soon vomiting... He also mentioned that you would have a vision and balance problem.”

“He also stated that the worst conditions are seizure and…” 

“And?” 

“It could lead to death, love.” 

Illumi didn’t even think that he could laugh, but what Hisoka just said was just so surprising and bizarre that he let out a sudden snort, “You’re joking.”

But the look Hisoka gave to him was far from his signature ‘joking’ face. There was no smile, no smirk, no grin, no gold fox-like eyes hid behind a smile. Illumi was _now_ panicking, “You’re not joking.” 

“I’m not, dear.”

With that reply, Illumi had now just realized that his condition was _bad_ bad. This was serious. His parents had inserted something in his brain that could possibly kill him. He didn’t know what it was. The doctor couldn’t find a cure. He would feel weak. He would be miserable. He would… _die?_

Suddenly Illumi was furious. The problem was, he didn't know who he should be mad at. Hisoka being the only person in that room instantly became an easy target for his fury. 

“This is why you shouldn’t meddle with other people’s business,” Illumi said darkly, not looking at him. 

Hisoka stopped in midtrack, “I’m sorry?”

“You shouldn’t have come.”

“And left you there?” Hisoka rubbed his chin. 

“Yes. If I were there right now, they would’ve given me the medicine. It’s a part of the training.” Illumi explained. He was slowly losing his patience. 

“Oh, don’t give that bullshit, dear. It was not a part of the training. You should’ve seen yourself there. Some of the corpses I’ve met had better conditions than you were.” Hisoka defended himself. The pink head slowly loses his patience too, hearing Illumi’s nonsense.

“It is normal, Hisoka. You’ve known me long enough that it was a normal thing. It is my training.” Illumi spatted, still not looking at his interlocutor. 

“And I’ve known you long enough that I grow tired, trying to give common sense to that thick skull of yours that it was not a training! It was pure torture!” Hisoka threw his arms, clearly frustrated. They’ve been having this conversation for as long as Hisoka knew him.

“You’re on thin ice.” Illumi threatened, but Hisoka ignored him. 

“What? It _is_ true! They left you there to die, Illumi! And even if you’re correct—which you are not—those three days weren’t your ‘normal training’! They really wanted you dead!” 

“That’s not true.” Illumi contradicted, slowly shook his head. 

“Oh yeah? Then why didn’t they give you any food? You didn’t lose your sense of time. You _knew_ that your mother or butlers would be given you food, twice a day, even in the most intense ‘training’ ever,” Hisoka’s fingers formed a quotation mark and strained his word as he spelt training, “But when you were there six to four days ago, you didn’t get your food, did you? That’s why you thought you were not there for three days, you thought you were only there for a short time.” 

“I—“ Illumi was lost at words. 

“See? I’m horribly right that you couldn’t even give me a response.”

“Mother was just very upset. That’s all.” Illumi convinced himself out loud. 

“For fuck’s sake, love. You are so smart but why are you so _stubborn?_ You’ve been in denial for twenty-four years of your life that I couldn’t even comprehend how could that happen! When will you accept that they don’t give a shit about you?!” Hisoka was practically screaming right now. 

“They do care!” Illumi yelled back. 

“Oh are they? If you’re so sure now look at me right into my eyes and say whatever they did on Milluki isn’t abandonment.” Hisoka was now sitting in front of Illumi, holding his uninjured hand in his palm. Illumi’s hand felt cold, a contrast with the magician’s warm palm. 

“I don’t give a damn about his physique, but tell me that without the butlers, he wouldn’t be able to have a clean, hygienic room isn’t abandonment. Tell me not leaving your house for years is not abandonment. When was the last time he went out?” 

“I—“ 

“What about Alluka and Kalluto? Tell me that using the ‘it’ pronoun to call your daughter and lock her because she shares the same body with a mythical creature is humane. Tell me that forbidding your son to join a criminal gang only to turn blind eyes when he did join is caring. Tell me.” Hisoka released his hand and stood up, going back on forth. 

“Hisoka, you have been warned.” Illumi threatened him again. His released palm was now gripping at his blanket hard, his knuckle turned white. 

“And don’t get me started with you. You have been living in traumas for decades but they don’t even care! You are basically a punching bag when your siblings make mistakes but you don’t even try to accept that they are not good parents!” 

“Hisoka…” Illumi could feel his breaths became heavier. _Why did his chest feel so tight?_

“You really caught up in those little bubbles of yours that your parents are perfect, and your siblings are perfect, you live in a wealthy, prosperous, well-known household, that everybody worships the land you walk on, you didn’t realize that it’s all fucked up!” 

“Hisoka, stop.” Illumi was heaving, his heartbeat was going crazy, but the clown didn’t even notice, too caught up in his pent up emotion. Once it was out, he wouldn’t and couldn’t stop. 

“Take a look at what has happened to you, love. What kind of parents did that to their son?! What kind of parents allowed their colleagues to do that to their son when he was twelve!? Illumi, dear. They r—“ 

“STOP! Stop, Hisoka!” Illumi, whose hand was once gripping the blanket was now gripping onto his shirt, his face was cast downward and his hair was in disarray, “Stop it. _Please_.” 

No tears brimmed at the edge of his eyes but the terror in his eyes and the loud warning voice from the medical equipment struck Hisoka. 

“ _Please,_ Hisoka. I can’t—please. I can’t _breathe_!” Illumi pleaded while the other man just stood right there, now knowing what to do. 

Fortunately, his medic team rushed into the room as soon as they heard the alert. The nurse was holding her patient gently, instructing the man to mirror her breath while the other nurse injected a small amount of sedative in his IV. 

It didn’t take a long time for him to calm down, but Illumi was sweating right now, strands of hair plastered on his forehead, but he was now much calmer than before. His breaths were still deep but it wasn’t as strained as before. 

“We heard an alert that his heartbeat jumped suddenly. Hisoka, you shouldn’t put too much stress on his mind. His body had already taken a lot of damage, the least thing we need is additional mental stress.” The doctor reprimanded him in a hushed tone while looking at the nurse who brushed Illumi’s forehead with a dry soft cloth. 

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.” Hisoka nodded. 

“Very well. You should really let him rest and when I recover enough, you can finish whatever lovers’ quarrel you both had earlier.” The doctor replied and Hisoka grinned. This doctor was interestingly not bland. 

The doctor and the nurses once again left them alone. With Illumi now calmed down, Hisoka sat on his usual chair beside the assassin’s bed. Illumi refused to look at him, choosing to analyze the soft pattern on the room’s wallpaper. 

“I’m sorry.” Hisoka started, “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

Illumi didn’t reply and only stared at him. 

“You are badly injured and you don’t need more burden to carry. It was not a good time to discuss the topic.” Hisoka continued. 

Illumi still didn’t reply. 

Hisoka sighed and patted his thigh, he stood up, “Alright. I will let you rest. I will be outside if you need me.” 

But before he reached the doorknob, Illumi's small voice stopped him, “No.” 

Hisoka turned and raised one of his brows. 

“You’re right.” Illumi continued, “I—“ he bowed.

“What you said about my parents was right. I should’ve noticed it sooner.” He looked away, unable to look at Hisoka. 

“Oh, dear,” Hisoka walked toward him and sat beside him. His hand reached the other’s cheek and stroked it gently. 

“I’ve been thinking for a while about that. I do want to help my siblings. I do want Milluki to feel the outside again. I do want Killua to have friends, as many as he wants. I do want to find proper help for Alluka. I do want to support Kalluto for whatever his decisions are. But I don’t know _where to start_.” Illumi admitted. 

“But now it’s too late because I’m going to die slowly and I couldn’t do anything about it because I’m so scared. I’m too scared to face them.” He continued.

“Shh… shh…” Hisoka assured the other, putting his arm behind Illumi’s neck and gently placed Illumi’s head on his shoulder, “We’ll find a way. I’m sure we will.” 

“How?” Illumi asked softly. His eyes already felt heavy. 

“I don’t know that yet, but I promised that we will find a way.” He answered sincerely, feeling that his fiancé almost fell asleep. 

Hisoka kissed the top of Illumi’s head gently, “Sleep well, love.” 

**(Saturday, 10.23) Hisoka to Spider Guy:** Can we put aside whatever happens between us? I need your help. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was having a hard time writing this :(  
> This is going to be a spoiler for the fic, and if you don't want any of it STOP RIGHT HERE!!!
> 
> In my campus, I joined an organisation that work on sexual and reproductive health and rights, so I've met and discover some survivors that were ignored both by the society and even their parents about their trauma, so this chapter is a little bit heavy and based on some true events. I just want to say that if you meet any of the survivors, give them support, respect them, and don't overwhelm them. Know your boundaries and respect their privacy. 
> 
> In two weeks I'm going to have the pharmacology mid block exam so I probably going to take a week off from updating. But I'm going to work as hard as I can :D So if my schedule is not that busy, I will update! Thank you!
> 
> Comments, prompts, and critics are very much appreciated!


	4. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While illumi was already awake, he felt a little off. Where was his nen?  
> On the other side of the world, his brothers asked about his existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOAAAA finally I could update this fic!!
> 
> Pharmacology was a real mess T-T I could only hope to pass the exam. 
> 
> Anyway, this chapter would be a little bit lighter because... Let's be real, it is so heartbreaking to write your favourite character suffer.

“Hisoka.” Illumi called. He and Hisoka had been sitting in comfortable silence, Illumi still hadn’t fully recovered and the other was scrolling through his phone. Milluki had just texted them that fortunately, their parents didn’t suspect him at all and he was safe for now. 

“Yes, love?” He averted his gaze from the pink case phone. 

“I couldn’t feel my nen.” Illumi replied. 

When he was injured, Illumi usually restrained himself from using his nen. A full and fast recovery needed no strain to the body and using kinds of nen that weren't specialized in healing would worsen the condition. No matter how injured he was, his recovery period usually only took two to three days because he was used to severe injuries. His body had adapted and his immune system had been modified to work faster than ordinary people.

But it was already a week since he woke up, more than a week since his ‘training’ session and he felt his body healed slower than usual. His left arm was still in a cast, his wounds still weren’t fully closed and he didn’t feel good at all. On the sixth day, he finally tried to produce his nen but he felt nothing. He tried again. 

Still nothing. 

In the end, he got so exhausted that he felt even worse than before, so he settled to try it on the next day. 

Still nothing. Panic rose inside him and yet he couldn’t even express it. 

“Maybe your body needs a lot of time to heal. I’m sure that it’ll appear by itself when you’re healed enough.” Hisoka assured him, although truth to be told, Hisoka also felt nervous about the other’s condition. 

“No. It is usually still there even though I’m badly injured. I could feel it. I know it’s there. But now it’s empty.” Illumi argued. 

“Love…” Hisoka couldn’t think of any replies. 

“Can you get me my needles?” Illumi requested. Maybe if he concentrated enough, and maybe if he used his needles, his nen would appear. Illumi could only hope. 

“What are you going to do with the needles?” Hisoka asked. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Hisoka replied, but still walked to the cabinet where Illumi usually stored his spare needles. He gave the gold objects to the ebony head and the other accepted, holding it in its usual position while staring at it hard. 

“Is it working?” The magician asked, he also hoped that it worked because he had a bad feeling about all of the situations that were currently happening. 

Illumi didn’t reply, clearly absorbed to his needles only. He tried it a couple of times until he gave up. He sighed and put his needles on his lap, “Hisoka, it’s not working.” 

“We’ll try it again later. All you need to do now is rest.” The pink-haired man smiled at his fiance. 

“Do you also notice that my recovery is slower than usual?” Illumi ignored the smile.

“Honestly, I can’t answer all of your questions, Illumi. I’m a magician, not a doctor. When your doctor comes, you can ask him, okay?” Hisoka replied softly. Truth to be told, he was also worried about the assassin’s condition. Not only his healing ability was reduced, but he also noticed Illumi’s lack of appetite. He was usually not a picky eater, he tended to eat as a necessity and didn’t really care about the food taste. But for the past couple of days, the Zoldyck refused to eat anything other than his favourite food. At first, Hisoka’s heart melted because he thought that since the man had opened up, he became clingy and demanded attention from the magician. But Hisoka saw the unfinished plate and he became uneasy. Illumi would never leave any leftovers on his favourite food. 

“Fine.” Illumi frowned. For all his life, Illumi hated everything that was unsure. He was always calculated, prepared, and certain.

“By the way, Killua texted you again.” Hisoka switched the topic. To this, Illumi immediately looked up to him. 

“Again?” 

“I… Kinda helped him and Gon on something when you’re still unconscious.” Hisoka admitted,  _ here we go.  _

“You did  _ what? _ ” For once Hisoka was glad that Illumi didn’t have his nen now because if he had, he certainly would be oozing bloodlust. 

“You don’t have to worry about that. He just had small agreement trouble with a man. I helped him solve it and killed the man. Your brother’s unharmed.” Hisoka explained. 

“Did you do something to him? Because I swear to god, Hisoka, if you did—“ 

“Relax. I didn’t do anything. My mind was very occupied by the thoughts of you that I even ignored them~” Said Hisoka dramatically, but not really a lie either. 

“By the way, he said that he met Kalluto in York New. He said that you should’ve been there to help him with Mr. Russel’s mission.” Hisoka continued, “Damn. Your brother and his friend don’t have any restraints at all. Last week they were in Padokea, now they’re in another different continent.” Hisoka shook his head, chuckling. 

“I know. I can’t do anything about it. Let him be.” Illumi sighed. The first step to mend the bond between him and his brother was to let Killua do whatever he wanted. Illumi had controlled him enough for almost his entire life, no wonder Killua resented him and needed a lot of time exploring the world. He was sceptical about Gon at first. Assassins didn’t need friends. But here he was, having a lifetime commitment to another human being. Besides, Gon had proven himself to be a worthy friend of his little brother, so he didn’t have anything to complain about anymore. 

“Okay. But what do you want to do with Kalluto? He clearly knows something is off.” Hisoka asked.

“I’m… Not sure about that.” Illumi replied honestly. 

“You’re definitely not in a condition fit for helping him, that’s for sure. Do you want me to help him instead?” Hisoka offered, sat beside him. 

“Hm… If you go, you have to prepare to face tons of questions from Kalluto. I would never cancel any meeting regarding missions. This would be my first.” Illumi told the magician.

“I can handle that.” Hisoka smiled.

“Also, if you could, don’t tell him about my…. Condition.” Illumi pursed his lips. 

Hisoka cocked his head, “Why? I thought he was on your side?” 

“As far as anyone knows, if someone is on my side, they’re on my parents’ side. And, no. He’s not on anyone’s side. Kalluto is one of the most neutral siblings. But if he knows something about us, it will be more likely for my parents to know about it too. He is the closest to my mother and she could read him like an open book.” Illumi explained in which Hisoka grinned.

“So you do care about me!” Hisoka chuckled. He already positioned himself so that he could play with Illumi’s new hairstyle. It had grown about an inch since he trimmed it. If only his recovery speed was as fast as his hair growth…

Illumi rolled his eyes, “I mean it, Hisoka. If you could restrain yourself from oversharing information, it would be better for all of us.” 

“Fine, fine. Whichever suits you, my love.” Hisoka chuckled. He finished french braiding the other’s hair and smiled. He grabbed a mirror from the nightstand beside him and put the assassin’s hair for show. 

“It’s quite good, isn’t it?” Hisoka teased. 

“Huh. Not bad.” Illumi commented. He still hadn’t gotten used to the absence of weight on his head, but what he saw in the mirror wasn’t bad either. It certainly reminded him of when he was younger, when his other siblings still looked up to him and still displayed their affection. Despite his not-so-good skin condition, he didn’t look that bad. 

“See? I told you that you would’ve rocked every kind of hairstyles.” Hisoka teased him from the mirror reflection.

Illumi gave him a small smile but couldn’t help to examine the existence of the ring on Hisoka’s left hand. His was now left on his training—torture—chamber, crushed by his mother. 

“You don’t have to explain anything, Lumi.” Hisoka commented, clearly able to read his face.

“I’m sorry.” He ducked his head. 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Hisoka assured him. The other man still looked unsure, though he was more relaxed. 

“But I could’ve done  _ something _ .” He insisted.

“You couldn’t. And that’s okay.” Hisoka stood up to sit in front of the black-haired man so that he could see him clearly. Illumi only glanced away.

“Hey, look at me.” Hisoka gently cupped his cheek while brushing away some strands of hair that didn’t get tied with the braid, “I don’t care about the ring. You could leave it in here, put it on your finger, get crushed by your mother, stolen, it doesn't mean anything as long as you’re still here.” 

Illumi looked at his fiancé with huge eyes. Hisoka was dramatic and full of emotion, yes. But he was also mischievous, cunning, and a tease. Hearing sincere words from his mouth was unexpected, but put the assassin’s mind to ease. Illumi was having a hard time expressing himself, so he only ducked, avoiding Hisoka’s eyes.

“That’s really embarrassing.” Illumi grimaced, though he couldn’t help to finally give the magician a soft gaze.  _ He really broke his own rule. _

“Hey! There’s nothing embarrassing with declaring your love to your loved one!” Hisoka frowned, clearly faking offended. 

“You don’t mean it.” The assassin rolled his eyes, though there was fondness there. 

“I do. You just never believe in me.” Hisoka grinned. 

“Whatever.” Illumi waved his hand, “Go. The Russel’s mission is pretty complicated. Kalluto would appreciate some help.” 

“Aye, aye, captain!” Hisoka grinned and stood up, “The doctor will arrive soon. Don’t do anything wild before.”

***

“You again?” Killua frown. It was the second time in a row Illumi didn’t come to help him. Moreover, his oldest brother didn’t come to help him  _ and  _ Kalluto on his own mission. Instead, he sent Hisoka, the person that Killua sure would be Illumi’s last choice. His mind was making some theories on why didn’t his older brother, who seemed to be a  _ little bit  _ obsessed with their siblings’ life, come. 

So, he started to make hypotheses like he usually does in order to guess  _ where is Illumi Zoldyck?  _

The first hypothesis was that Illumi was murdered by Hisoka. Killua didn’t really understand the relationship between the magician and his assassin brother, but Illumi ever mentioned that it was a give-and-take relationship. Though Killua doubted that, he never saw Illumi open up, or even shown a tiny bit of emotion to anyone except for his family  _ and  _ Hisoka. But then, Hisoka was Hisoka. He was a proud, flamboyant, and dramatic nen user. Killua was sure that if the magician indeed killed his brother, he would brag it off. 

The second hypothesis was that Illumi was indeed busy, he got extra jobs from their parents that he didn’t have time to do another. But Kalluto’s mission was assigned for him and Kalluto, so what kind of other missions made him abandon the other? And it was not like Illumi at all to cancel his meeting with Kalluto unnoticed. It was not like him at all to cancel any plans he made. Besides, he worked best with the youngest that Killua failed to fathom was exactly happening. 

And he came to his third hypothesis: Illumi was  _ injured?  _ Somehow? Having the word injured and Illumi in one sentence was very off-beat that Killua cringed. Although his job was dangerous, his brother was one of the strongest people he knew. He displayed such limited emotion that Killua was sure that he was invincible. He was the one that trained him to become powerful like he was right now, and yet his brother said that he still had a lot of potentials to be unlocked. The white-haired boy never fully understood and witnessed Illumi’s full strength, but he was sure that his brother was powerful. 

Though from all three hypotheses that he made, the third one was the most reasonable. His brother, even though he lacked emotion, was still a prideful man. Killua was sure that if his brother was injured, he would never tell them. Illumi was the one who taught him not to fight someone he was sure not to win, so if Illumi was injured from his own battle, he would break his own rule. Though he already broke several rules he made anyway. 

“Yes, yes, little Killua. Are you getting tired of me?” Hisoka joked. He was now more relaxed, unlike a week ago when he and Gon last met him. Though he still seemed not in the mood. And also a key point: he didn’t tease Gon at all. 

“Where is Illu-nii?” It was now Kalluto that asked. He was wearing his usual high-quality furisode. He still had that neat bob cut hair that framed his face well. 

“Illumi was busy,” Killua replied while staring at Hisoka. 

“Wow, are you changing your occupation as a psychic now?” Hisoka grinned. 

“But that’s the reason that you wanted to say, isn’t it?” It was now Gon who confronted him. 

“Well, yes. But if you put it that way, it made me look like a liar.” Hisoka shrugged and crossed his arms.

“You know, Hisoka, for someone as strong as you are, you’re such a bad liar.” Said Gon bravely and innocently. Killua cringed. Gon could be super straightforward in inappropriate times. 

“That was very offensive!” Yelped Hisoka dramatically, “Gon~ You amazed me every day.” 

“Stop that.” Killua glared. 

“By the way, don't you have a mission to do? Illumi asked me to help you because he was pretty occupied.” Hisoka diverted his gaze toward the youngest Zoldyck, while the other just stared at him flatly. 

“You’re late. We already helped him anyway.” It was Killua who replied instead of Kalluto. 

“So you’re telling me that I flew that far from Padokea to York New for nothing?” Hisoka frowned.  _ What a waste.  _

“It’s not our problem.” Killua scowled. 

“Where is Illu-nii?” Asked Kalluto suddenly. He was calm but his eyes were examining the older man before him. 

“I already told you—“ 

“You lie doesn’t work, by the way. Illu-ni would never cancel any mission without notifying.” Kalluto cut him. Even though he was young, he was already trained to be observant. Just like his older siblings, he went through agonizing training that made him familiar with various schemes. 

“He doesn’t like to be interrupted while doing his mission,” Hisoka stated simply while walking away, intended to leave the three of them alone before Kalluto appeared in front of him while his right hand held something to his ear. 

Illumi’s phone buzzed in his pocket.  _ Damn, this kid was good.  _

“Hisoka, why do you have my brother’s phone?” Kalluto asked flatly, his eyes squinted, “We Zoldycks installed GPS in each of our devices so that if we needed any help, there'd be someone to help us. Killu-nii turned off his. Illu-nii would never, but why is his GPS off?”

“You got sneakier now, young boy. But of course, one should be smart and powerful enough to replace me as a spider.” Hisoka gave him a coy smile, even though he was cursing on the inside. 

_ Illumi was right. He would ask a lot of questions,  _ Hisoka thought.  _ But he didn’t say that he would ask a lot of tricky questions.  _

The Zoldycks were truly a different breed. 

The other ignored his reply and released his paper fan, placed it in front of him, “Did you kill my brother?” 

In this Hisoka grinned, “No, little one. I pretty much love your brother alive.” 

“Then clearly explained to us where he is. Your lie clearly didn’t work.” Killua commented.

To be honest, Hisoka  _ loved  _ when they were playing smart with him. Three young boys with so much potential, unripe, in front of him looking at him with such determination and curiosity. Hisoka would never ask more than this. But now is not the time and it was not like Hisoka had any preparation to decorate his bullshit. He had no one to help him and his time before was wasted to take care of the ebony-haired assassin who had no progress in recovery. He only asked for help from one person, and that bastard didn’t even reply to him.  _ Speaking of it… _

“How about this, we make a deal?” Hisoka offered to Kalluto, “I show you where Illumi is, but you have to contact Chrollo to help me.”

“You? Asking for help from Chrollo? You’ve got to be kidding.” Killua crossed his arms. 

“Deal. But I can’t give you any promises. I will ask Danchou about it.” Kalluto replied with determined eyes. 

“What?! No way! You have no idea what this man is capable of!” Killua protested. Having his brother follow Hisoka to god-knows-where was equal to having someone enter the lion’s den. 

“Don’t you worry. I’ll only take him to Heavens Arena. Besides, Illumi would literally kill me if I do something to both of you.” Hisoka chuckled, though his expression was far from trustable. 

“We don’t even know if Illumi is alive or not. How could we trust you?” Killua raised one of his eyebrows. 

“What if we go with him? I’m sure that we three could attract a lot of attention if we need it.” Gon suggested.

Kalluto looked at Gon and his brother, then nodded, “That would do.”

Killua, being outvoted by his friend and his brother sighed. If Kalluto wanted something, he would get it. There was no point in arguing further, “Fine.” 

“Good. Now let’s go. We had two hours to catch the last flight.” Hisoka commented and the three kids followed him. 

***

As soon as they arrived at the eastern part of Padokea, Hisoka told the driver to pull over to one of the restaurants near Heavens Arena. It was a bistro that served many kinds of steak. It was crowded even though it was almost late and was decorated with warm yellow-ish lighting and deep mahogany interior. Gon, whose nose-ability was beyond superb, was excited. One could tell that the kid was starving. But the Zoldycks eyed the magician suspiciously.

“Why are we here?” Killua asked, even though he couldn’t say that he wasn’t hungry either. 

“Your brother must’ve wanted some lamb chop. Do you want anything? It’s on me.” Hisoka winked while replying. 

And of course, Gon,  _ bless his innocent heart,  _ smiled so big that his cheek hurt. His eyes sparkled as he couldn’t contain his excitement, “Can I?” 

“Of course, young Gon. You can pick anything you want.” Hisoka replied with a seductive tone that made Killua gag. 

In the end, they bought several steaks and went back to the car that brought them to Heavens Arena where Illumi had waited. While Hisoka was almost relieved to meet the assassin, part of him was thinking hard on how he could explain to the other that his brothers and his friend visited him when Illumi clearly instructed him not to mention his condition. 

The doctor and his medical team greeted him when he opened his penthouse door, expressions clearly surprised. Hisoka was known to be ruthless and dramatic, and even scary. They didn’t expect him to be so good to children that they followed him. 

“Not my children.” Hisoka commented before any of them could, “These two are Illumi’s younger brothers.” Hisoka pointed at the Zoldycks, “And this one was the Romeo to this Juliet.” Hisoka pointed at Gon and Killua, in which Killua smacked his arm and yelped, “Hey!” 

But the white-haired boy’s cheek was now tinted with a light shade of pink. 

“Oh. I see.” The doctor replied while looking sheepish,  _ three Zoldycks and Hisoka Morrow. Life couldn’t be more peculiar.  _

“Mr Zoldyck’s—the eldest—condition is improving for now, though I do notice his slow recovery and the absence of his nen. We are not sure what could possibly be the cause of this, but my speculation is because of the parasite that was still inside his brain. He still had no complaints, but I’m not sure he didn’t feel anything because it was true or he silently suffered but his physical strength still could maintain the pain.” The doctor explained to Hisoka after he asked him to talk to somewhere not near the children. 

“I see. You still haven’t figured the cure?” Hisoka asked.

“Unfortunately not yet, sir. But we’ll try our best. I’m going to visit again tomorrow, hoping for a better result.” The doctor replied honestly and the magician nodded, silently asking him to leave. 

The three children sat quietly at the huge sofa in the living room, Gon was enthusiastically answering the nurses’ questions and the Zoldycks looked at him curiously, wondering how could someone be so friendly toward people that they just met. They wondered, was this a life that someone would normally have? When they were little, their parents never let them talk to people that were  _ lower  _ than them. Not even their butlers. It was not beneficial. It was not needed. 

Their attentions were distracted by Hisoka walking toward the living room after having a suspicious chat with the doctor. The clown smiled, “Now. Let’s meet your brother.” 

They followed Hisoka after he took the takeaway lamb chop to another part of the penthouse that led to a door, Illumi’s bedroom. He laid there, awake as if he was already expecting their arrival. 

“Aniki!”

“Illu-nii!” Said Kalluto and Killua at the same time. Hisoka heard a little gasp from the youngest before he rushed into his brother's side. It was the first time he ever saw Kalluto display any kind of emotions besides his little signature calculated look. 

“Aniki, you look like shit,” Killua commented. He never actually saw his brother get injured, so when he saw the man on the bed, face pale, short hair, bruised lips, and cast arm, he was pretty surprised. 

“It’s been a long time, Kill. Hello to you too, Kalluto.” Illumi greeted his siblings. He didn’t greet Gon, but he nodded at him and looked at the young boy without any hostility so Killua thought it was a progress. 

“You’re not mad that I’m telling them?” Hisoka asked curiously.

“I actually expected this to happen. You’re not exactly the type of person who can stay in line. Besides, I know you couldn’t escape from Kalluto’s question,” He looked at his brother, “He’s too smart for his own good.” 

“Thank fuck! Because I didn’t have any excuses if you decided to get mad at me.” Hisoka exhaled dramatically. He proceeded to put the takeaway lamb chop onto Illumi’s bed desk, in which the assassin opened delightfully. 

“Illu-nii, what happened?” Kalluto asked quietly as he sat onto the bed beside his brother. Both of them worked best together, hence they often found themselves assigned to each other on a mission. 

“Mother’s training.” He replied quickly while eating his food slowly.

“It was almost two weeks ago. I heard someone let you escape,” He averted his gaze and looked at the magician, “Was it you?” 

“One hundred for Kalluto Zoldyck!” Hisoka grinned.

“I thought you had settled it with mother,” Kalluto commented again and Illumi shook his head. 

“Wait, if it was almost two weeks ago, why do you still look like shit?” Killua asked bluntly.

“The doctor said that it’s because of the parasite in my brain. They slowed my healing ability. I think mother gave it to me in my training. I also couldn’t use my nen.” Illumi answered, just as blunt.

“Mother did what?!” Killua scrunched his eyebrows, confused. Illumi was mother’s golden child. He was the most skilled, the most obedient, and the most powerful. Of course, that was achieved by years of training that were just as hard or maybe even harder than his. Illumi Zoldyck would be the perfect heir if only Killua wasn’t born with white hair, just like his father’s. Knowing Illumi needed another training in his life… Wow. 

“Yes. I think she or father found a new type of training. The doctor couldn’t identify what it is so they don’t have the cure yet.” Illumi answered.

“That’s very cruel! How could parents do that?!” Gon scowled, for once defending his friend’s brother. 

_ Well, it wasn’t like your father was any better,  _ Hisoka thought but kept his mouth shut.

“That’s Kikyo and Silva Zoldyck for you.” Illumi sighed. 

Killua raised his eyebrows. These past two weeks had been filled with peculiar events from Hisoka being uninterested in fights, and now Illumi blatantly disagreed with their parents’ method.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Killua dared to ask. 

“To be honest, I don’t know. Mother certainly is still angry with me and I don’t intend to seek her forgiveness.” Illumi replied, now playing with his food. 

“That’s when our deal is important, Kalluto.” Hisoka licked his lips eagerly.

“What deal?” Illumi scrutinized. 

“I just asked little Kalluto to tell her Danchou to help me in exchange for telling him your situation.” Hisoka waved his hand, assuring the assassin that it was nothing to worry about. 

Illumi shrugged and Kalluto nodded her head. Hisoka noticed the lack of response from the youngest. He looked down and almost looked guilty. 

“I take it that the mission went well?” Illumi asked.

“Yes. It went easier than I thought. Killu-nii and Gon-kun helped too. I’ll return home tomorrow.” Kalluto answered, avoiding his brother’s gaze. 

“Alright. Do you have any place to stay?” Illumi asked.

“She can stay with us. Our room hasn’t been used for a while but the housekeeper regularly cleans it.” Killua answered. 

Illumi nodded. 

Because it was getting late, Hisoka escorted the children out of his penthouse. Kalluto looked at him as if he wanted to say something, but Hisoka didn’t force him. He was sure that the youngest would tell him if he was ready. 

“Kalluto.” Illumi called.

“Yes?”

“If you can, try not to tell mother about me and Hisoka. I’m… Not really in the mood to face her.” Illumi explained. 

Kalluto nodded, still looking guilty but finally left him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HISOKA IS SECRETLY A BIG FLUFF. HISOKA IS SECRETLY A BIG FLUFF *0* 
> 
> I believe in fluff Hisoka supremacy. you couldn't tell me otherwise >:D
> 
> lmao just kidding! Critics, prompts, and comments are heavily appreciated!   
> And seriously, though. What do you think of this chapter? :)))


	5. Forgive and Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn't take long for the symptoms to appear on Illumi's body. He felt useless, but at least he had Hisoka to help him.   
> But of course the magician couldn't be with him all the times, so the overdramatic Hisoka Morrow assign everyone he knew to take care of his beloved Illumi. One of them includes Illumi's favorite brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I don't really satisfied with how this chapter turned out. I wrote this in the middle of my mental breakdown :') so most of the time I didn't focus and kinda went off the track. I hope you can forgive me :')
> 
> And also since English is not my first language, I noticed that sometimes I used the same words or phrase over and over and it kinda make the story boring :')   
> I hope you can also forgive me about this T-T

It didn’t take long for the clinical symptoms to appear on Illumi’s body. The first time it happened was when Illumi took his laundry from the service room to the living room. He patiently and carefully folded his clean clothes while Hisoka was watching the television beside him. 

“Why are you folding your clothes? We have a housekeeper to do your job.” Hisoka commented after almost half an hour switching between looking at the series in front of him and his lover’s work. 

“It’s okay. I… Don’t like someone touching my clothes.” Illumi replied. He was focusing on tidying up the creases of his shirt. His left arm was getting better and the cast had been removed, but it lost the muscle that usually was there, and looked paler than his other arm, courtesy of the cast. His physical appearance was getting better each day, though it was so  _ slow  _ as if he was a regular human.

“Okay, dear.” Hisoka shrugged. He intended to move his attention to the series on the TV, but he noticed that Illumi was sweating, as if he was in the middle of a heatwave, with no air conditioner on. His hair was damp, not from showering, but from his sweat. It plastered to his forehead and some on his neck. 

“Illumi. Are you alright?” Hisoka asked. 

The latter just shook his head while continuing to fold his clothes, “Yeah. Why?”

“You’re sweating, dear,” Hisoka replied. 

Illumi shrugged, “It’s hot in here.”

The magician raised one of his eyebrows because he was quite sure that his penthouse was anything but hot, “It’s twenty-three degrees.” 

“Yeah?” Illumi was not focusing. He looked like someone who tried to distract his mind from something, and he did that poorly. 

Not so long after that, Illumi suddenly stood up, hands on his mouth while hastily running toward the bathroom, although it was unfruitful. His physical condition was far from normal, and his leg gave up as he heaved onto the floor near the bathroom door. Yellowish substance splattered onto the cream marble as he emptied his stomach, one hand on the floor, supporting his weight, one trying to hold his hair. 

Luckily, the magician was quick, as he rubbed the assassin’s back, easing him out, whispering calming words on the other. Illumi didn’t know when Hisoka grabbed a hair tie, but the next thing he knew, his hair was tied so that it couldn’t get into the mess he made. 

Illumi was gasping for air after he finished, and Hisoka didn’t lift his hand on his back, still calming him. He was really tired, and so he leaned into the magician while trying to maintain his breath, “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright, dear. Let me help you to sit on the kitchen chair so you can drink.” Hisoka assured as he carried the man carefully. 

“You should tell me if you don’t feel well, Illumi.” Said the clown as he took a glass from the counter to fill it up. 

“I was not feeling good this entire morning. But I thought it was nothing.” Illumi admitted, “It was a long time since the last time I vomited.” He looked guilty.

Hisoka handed the water and Illumi took it gratefully. The pink-haired man walked toward the other and gently massaged the assassin’s back, “It’s okay. I know it’s hard for you, but tell me next time, okay?” 

Illumi nodded. 

Hisoka was still massaging the assassin’s back when Illumi yawned. He chuckled, “Have you showered already?” 

“Uh-huh. Not yet.” 

“Why don’t you take a quick shower so you can rest?” Hisoka recommended and the other nodded, “Seems like a good idea.” 

They went to the bathroom where Hisoka helped Illumi take off his clothes after he put the tap on to fill the tub. The water was warm, filled with Illumi’s favorite bath gel and the magician helped him to wash his hair patiently. It didn’t take them long, as Hisoka could feel that the assassin was really sleepy. He almost fell asleep when Hisoka massaged his head. 

The magician wrapped Illumi with a fluffy white towel, patiently drying his hair thoroughly. Illumi was quiet, sleepy, and clingy. He couldn’t stop to hug the joker as he was  _ so warm.  _

Though Hisoka couldn’t really complain. He loved this side of Illumi. 

“Hisoka?” Illumi asked. 

“Yes, love?”

Illumi didn’t reply and Hisoka stopped drying, looking intently. 

“...Can I sleep in your bedroom?” He spitted it out. 

Hisoka chuckled lightly and smiled, “Of course, dear. You don’t need my permission.” 

Contrary to popular beliefs, Hisoka’s room, as flamboyant and dramatic as the magician was, did not represent himself at all. His room was the complete opposite of his personality that one could never believe that it was his. The room was plain, a king-sized bed with all black sheet, small desk beside it, with a black cabinet in front of it and a huge television hung above the cabinet. The only decoration that could be seen was the futuristic bedside lamp that was hung from the ceiling and ended beside the bed, and the LED lighting that came from the wall mirror behind the bed. The balcony had straight access to the pool, which also displayed the city view. 

After dressing in one of Hisoka’s sleepwear—because Illumi kept denying that he needed more than one—he went straight to bed, which made Hisoka’s heart warm. 

“Find yourself comfortable already?” The magician teased. 

“Whatever.” Illumi rolled his eyes, though he snuggled deeper into Hisoka’s black comforter. 

Hisoka crossed his arms and shook his head, smiling, “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” 

“Stay with me,” Illumi said suddenly. 

Hisoka gazed.

“Please?” Illumi asked and the other nodded, making his way to the bed. Illumi was instantly snuggled to the magician, head on his chest, arms on his back. Hisoka raised his eyebrows while his hands found a way to the assassin’s waist, “What has gotten into you? Not that I’m complaining…” 

Illumi just shook his head and with a muffled voice he replied, “Just shut up and hold me.” 

Hisoka grinned, his left hand carded the other’s hair gently as he inhaled the vanilla scent from Illumi’s hair. Hisoka was a man that was never satisfied but holding Illumi close to him, he was content. 

“Will you buy me lamb chop for dinner?” Illumi asked. 

“Again?” 

Illumi nodded and Hisoka couldn’t help to let out a joke, “Nausea, vomiting, cravings... If I don’t know any better, I would’ve assumed that you got another type of parasite in your body.” 

Illumi raised his head, eyebrows pinched, “A child isn’t a parasite.” 

“Well, my mother said otherwise,” Hisoka commented.

“Huh?” 

“Never mind, dear. Sleep.” Hisoka hushed. 

The assassin frowned. Illumi had known Hisoka for a long time and that man had become one of the constant things in his life that Illumi couldn’t imagine what his life could be if the magician never met him. But the reality was, Illumi never really knew the man in front of him. He never knew his past, he never knew his family, he never knew what thing that drove him into… Well, Hisoka. Every time Illumi tried to pry, he got nothing. Either Hisoka changed the subject so cleverly that Illumi didn’t even realize, or he simply stated that he had been alone for as long as he knew. 

Sometimes Illumi was annoyed. Hisoka knew almost everything about him. His parents, childhood, siblings, job, motivation, and even his favourite food. He was even there when he was in the lowest stage of his life. But the assassin almost knew nothing of Hisoka beside his weird taste in almost everything and his obsession of power. 

But there was nothing Illumi could do about it. He didn’t like to pry on someone if they didn’t like it, so he respected Hisoka’s choice and could only hope that one day before neither of them died or before they parted ways, the magician would open up to him. 

***

“Do I really have to do this?” Killua groaned. He and Gon were in front of Hisoka’s penthouse door, Killua hesitant to ring the bell. He knew the minimum of Illumi’s condition, but ever since he had his first symptom, Hisoka had been assigning people to accompany the assassin. 

“It couldn’t be that bad. He’s your brother, after all.” Gon cheered. He was overly excited to visit his aunt,  _ he had been planning this for a whole month and Killua didn’t have the heart to ask him to cancel it and to accompany him instead.  _ Besides, what would your older brother do to you, despite his manipulative and controlling background, if he didn’t even have his nen and having a life and death situation? 

“Correction. He’s my brother who  _ stuck  _ a needle inside my head to control me.” Killua answered. The fact that Illumi didn’t restrain him again or he might now consider their parents were not good people would never make the white-haired boy forgive him that easily. 

“It’s a good thing that he doesn’t have his nen, though. You are now stronger than him, physically. It’s gonna be fun! I’m sure of it. If he does do something to you, you can just fight him, right? Besides, maybe it is time for you to talk about everything that you want to know from him without having him trying to control you.” Gon shrugged, assuring his best friend. When he first knew Killua, he thought that the boy in front of him didn’t have any problems at all. Killua was outgoing, carefree, fun, and amusing that he thought the white-haired boy was invincible. Little did he know that this boy had a huge weight on his shoulder. A weight that he didn’t even want. 

Killua had said to him that it was not always like that. There were times when Illumi was being a true older brother who protected and cared for his well being. There were times when he would help him pull a prank on Milluki, participating in Alluka’s tea time, and even just hanging out, eating chocorobo. Days went by and he became colder, harsher, untouchable, and Killua was confused. What did he do? Did he do something wrong? 

Illumi Zoldyck became someone that he couldn’t recognize. Even though he was his brother. 

There were things that Killua wanted to ask,  _ so bad.  _ Why did he become like this? What was it that strained their relationship? Since when Alluka became an ‘it’? Why couldn’t he have friends? Why did he control him? Why? 

Gon knew that Killua wanted to be there. He wanted to meet his brother, but he was nervous. The mischievous, carefree, amusing Killua Zoldyck was nervous to share a room with his brother. He guessed no one was invincible. 

“Alright. But if I die, I would go back from the realm of the dead to kill you and haunt you even in your afterlife.” Killua grunted and he chuckled. His friend could be overdramatic sometimes. 

Killua touched the doorbell and after a moment, it opened up, revealing a tall figure, covered up in a thick, warm blanket. His hair was tied into a messy high ponytail and Killua almost laughed at the bunny slippers that could be seen under the blanket. He would never have thought his serious brother would wear something as domesticated as…  _ this. _

“Oh. Hello, Kill. Come in.” Illumi opened the door wider, making way for his brother to get in. Killua looked back at his brother and waved, “Take care. Send my regards to your aunt.” 

“I will! Bye, Killua!” Gon cheered and Illumi looked at him. He didn’t say anything, but his gaze was neutral, no malice radiated. Illumi nodded and Gon turned away, leaving them both. 

Killua followed the older to the living room, the television was on, displaying a teenage rom-com series. He never knew that Illumi would be the type to watch those kinds of series… 

They didn’t talk, Killua sat quietly and stiffly on the sofa, didn’t know what to say. He felt so awkward and silently glanced at the assassin, looking at Illumi who was comfortably watching the television. What Killua didn’t know was that Illumi also didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even pay any attention toward the television, too absorbed in his thoughts about the younger brother sitting far across him. 

“Sorry to bother you. I know that you planned to visit your friend’s aunt too. Hisoka could be so overdramatic sometimes.” Illumi started. 

“Eh, it’s okay. I’m scared of Hisoka anyway.” Killua scratched his head. 

“You can do everything you want, by the way. I don’t feel any discomfort at all for now.” Illumi continued, and Killua nodded. 

“Can I use the pool?” 

Illumi raised his eyebrows, “Sure. But why so sudden?”

“No big deal, it’s just it’s been a long time since I swam.” Killua shrugged, patting his lap.

“Don’t you have your own pool, though?” 

“No. My level is not as high as Hisoka’s so my room is spacious enough, but sadly no pool. We have to go to the public pool and I don’t like how crowded it is.” Killua explained and Illumi nodded. Both of them still don’t know what to talk so Killua cocked his head, “Well, if you need anything just call me, or… I don’t know. Scream?” 

“Yeah, yeah. You go swim.” Illumi waved his head, amused by his brother’s awkward behaviour. 

Killua spent almost the whole noon swimming, and when he finally finished, he could feel his skin starting to burn. He was so pale that now his skin is red, similar to a cooked lobster and Illumi sighed, “Did you swim without putting any sunscreen on?” 

“I totally forgot about that.” Killua looked sheepish. 

“That will surely hurt later,” Illumi clicked his tongue and walked toward the cabinet near the bathroom. He reached something and handed it toward his brother, “Use this. It doesn’t have any strong chemicals so it should be safe. Go shower now, and use cool water.” 

“Okay, okay.” Killua raised his hands and chuckled at Illumi’s mother hen behaviour. 

When he finished, Illumi was ready on the sofa with a jar of gel, asking him to sit, “I think the aloe vera will reduce the swell, we can only hope.” 

“Thank you.” Said Killua as Illumi put the gel all over his back. It felt really soothing, and they fell into another silence, but the awkwardness was gone, replaced by a content feeling that Killua couldn’t deny that he wished for a long time. 

Having Illumi taking care of him just like a true older brother was one of his weaknesses. Before all of it went into shit, he actually cherished the memories he and his brother had. Illumi was actually the calmer, more normal version of his mother who always dots. But this Illumi was still the Illumi who made his life miserable, who killed people for a living, who made Alluka’s life in danger, and sometimes another side of Killua felt regrets that how dare he begged for these kinds of moments to someone who caused hell to others for his comfort. 

“Done. You can apply it to other areas that you can reach. Do wait for it to dry before putting on your shirt. If not it would be very sticky.” Illumi’s words called him out from his thoughts and he nodded, still not fully there. 

“Do you want anything for lunch? We actually have some ingredients and instant food here. But if you want to order something, I don’t mind.” Illumi asked. 

“What do you have here?”

“Beef, eggs… Jerkies, instant ramen-”

“Can we have ramen?” Killua grinned and looked at him with big eyes. 

“Uh… Sure.” Illumi nodded slowly, his expression changed.

“Can you cook it like you use to cook it?” Killua added while following his brother to the kitchen. Illumi raised his brow.

“The one when you add extra ingredients and stuff… Boiled egg… Like that?” Killua explained. He sat on one of the chairs in the kitchen island, looking at Illumi who was busy opening the cabinets, trying to find the ramen. 

“Oh. Okay... I’ll try.” Illumi nodded once more. 

Killua was aware of Illumi’s change of expression, but since he was so hungry, he didn’t think of anything else. His stomach tended to think on its own and control him every time he was hungry anyway. And  _ oh boy  _ how his stomach growled when he smelled the savoury boiling stock as Illumi cooked the dish. 

Killua couldn’t help but jump at his bowl as soon as Illumi placed it in front of him, mouth-watering and moaned as he took a big scoop from his chopstick. It was still boiling, of course, and Killua panted as the stock burned his tongue.

“Be careful, Kill.” Illumi scolded. He gracefully blew the noodles, eating it neatly. 

“I couldn’t help it,” Said Killua with a mouthful of noodles while Illumi looked at him judgingly, “I’ve missed this. I still remember when you cooked it for me in the middle of my training.” 

Illumi tried his best not to bite his lips. 

“Why did you stop?” Killua asked. 

“Stop what?” Illumi asked back. 

“Cooking this. You know that I love it that bad. Why did you never cook this again for me?” Killua dared to ask. He had to know, at some point, why his brother distanced himself from him. He needed to know what he did wrong.

The older one only stared at him for a long time, not saying anything, but Killua waited patiently, one because he was afraid, and one because he truly wanted to know. 

“I just don’t feel the same toward it after it went through my throat, boiling,” Illumi admitted and sighed, finally. 

Killua widened his eyes, “W-what do you mean?” 

“It’s a long story, Kill,” Illumi sighed. 

“Enlightened me,” Killua demanded. 

Illumi sighed,  _ this was not what he wanted to talk about right now, especially in front of his brother. Especially when said brother was the main reason for the incident.  _

“You are the heir of Zoldyck,” Illumi started, his right hand tucked some of his hair behind his ear, “You do remember when I used to give you treats when you felt like you couldn’t hold the training longer, right?”

Killua nodded. 

“Father scolded me for that,” Illumi continued, “He said that to be the future heir, you shouldn’t do well only when you’re motivated with silly things like food. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t help it. You would never reach your progress if I didn’t do what you wanted me to do.” 

“What happened next?” Killua whispered, part of him already knew what happened. He could connect the dots from the details that Illumi gave, but he needed to hear it directly from the oldest. 

“You remember that one night, the last night I gave you treats?” Illumi asked.

“Yeah. It was physics day. I couldn’t focus at all. I was so hungry but mother wouldn’t allow me to eat because it was not dinner time yet.” Killua replied, “You cooked me the ramen.” 

“Mother knew instantly that I gave you food because you didn’t eat much at dinner. They called me after you fell asleep.” Illumi explained. 

“She was furious,” Illumi continued, “She asked the chef to make a bowl of ramen and asked me to eat it. When I refused, she... She forced it down to my throat. I couldn’t eat properly for days. I couldn’t look at this the same way again. In fact… This is the first time I eat it after that time. Now that I taste this again, I almost forgot that it is this good.”

Killua looked at him with wide eyes, shocked. He shouldn’t have been surprised, it was their mother’s training after all. But it was different when Illumi was punished because of him. His mother tortured him because of his own selfish demand. He couldn’t help to feel guilty.

“I’m sorry…” Killua said softly, ducking his head. He held the chopsticks so tight that they might break.

Illumi titled his head, confused, “Why would you be sorry?” 

Killua gaped, “Be-because mother did that because of me! I was so selfish that I didn’t even think about the consequences of my wrongdoings.” 

“You were seven, Killua. It was a normal thing for kids to demand treats to motivate them.” Illumi huffed, his hands lifted the chopsticks, waiting for the noodle to cool down, “Besides, it was a long time ago. There were things that I did to you that were far worse than that anyway.” 

Killua looked up, the ramen was long forgotten, “What do you mean?”

Illumi looked at him, his white-haired brother whom he loved more than anything in this world. His brother who used to look up to him, his brother that now despised him. He wanted, no,  _ needed _ to fix whatever happened between them, but he didn’t know  _ how.  _ Killua was now acting like a stranger around him, and it was really hard to even talk to him. 

“I thought mother and father were always right,” He started, “My whole life, I denied everything that you said about them. I always thought what they wanted was the best for their children. Little did I know, I was only thinking like that because I’m scared of them.” 

“Why are you saying these things?” Killua asked, unsure. 

“Our parents did various things to us. Things that children shouldn’t have even known. I was so scared that my whole life, I believed in them. I took the easy route. I thought by obeying them, I wouldn’t suffer. But I realized that my selfishness hurt all of you.”

Killua was bewildered. He never imagined those words came out of his brother's mouth. Illumi always thought that he was right, and all of his younger brothers should obey him. Killua would never imagine that Illumi would admit his faults willingly. 

_ Is this his way to manipulate me again? _

“I… This doesn’t change the fact that you did a lot of damage to all of us.” Killua replied and braced himself to see Illumi’s reaction. His words were harsh, but Killua would never forgive him that easily. He already hurt him and Alluka greatly, and it was not an easy thing to be forgiven just because he admitted his fault and asked for forgiveness. 

But Illumi’s face didn’t morph into something horrible. Killua expected some twitched in the eyebrows, a scowl, frown, or even glares. But Illumi only looked at him fondly, his face sad like a kicked puppy that Killua  _ felt sorry  _ for him. 

“I know, Kill. My actions are unforgivable, and I have come to accept that. But I just want you to know that I regret all of those things and I will try to be a better brother for all of you. I don’t know how much time is left for me, with parasites or without. But I just don’t want you to feel that I enjoyed all of the things that I did. The rest of it, whether you want to believe me or not, I leave it up to you.” Illumi said slowly. To be frank, he didn’t plan all of this to happen. But he knew that he needed to start somewhere, and now that Killua was alone with him, he decided to try. 

_ Did he succeed? He didn’t know. But at least he tried.  _

“I don’t know what to say…” Killua admitted. 

His brother chuckled lightly, “It’s okay, Kill. You could forget about it for now. Come, eat your food before it bloats.” 

“M’kay…” Killua nodded, continued to eat his ramen, albeit now half-heartedly. 

***

“So. You clearly have something to tell me.” Hisoka said to the youngest Zoldyck. 

They were in a cafe in York New’s airport. Kalluto had gotten a new mission and he asked for the clown’s help because Illumi was currently unavailable. It was easier than he had expected, so they still had time before their flight to Padokea. Hisoka to the Heavens Arena and Kalluto back to the Kukuroo Mountain. 

“How do you know?” Kalluto’s big eyes were opened wide. 

“I noticed your lack of comment when Illumi mentioned what your parents had given him. I think you know something that we don’t.” Hisoka replied. 

Kalluto didn’t reply and ducked his head. 

“If you know something that might’ve helped, I would very much appreciate it.” Hisoka continued. 

“I… don’t know where to start.” Said Kalluto, unsure. 

“Were you perhaps taking parts in his training?” Hisoka guessed.

“What? No!” Kalluto frowned. 

“No need to get defensive, you know. It’s just you looked guilty at that time.” Hisoka waved his hand. 

Kalluto turned away, “It’s not that.”

“Do explain?” 

“It was a month before his training.” Kalluto started, “Mother was having her monthly hysteria. She was not mentally stable, you know. The butlers were uneasy, trying to get her everything that she wanted.”

“I was home at that time, just right after my mission with Illu-nii. He didn’t go home with me, and said that he needed to take care of something. I realized that Illu-nii was rarely at home nowadays. I was wrong to tell my mother that Illu-nii didn’t return, as it worsened her fury. She wailed, screeched, and threw antiques to everyone that got in her way.” 

“Sounds like fun.” Hisoka joked. 

Kalluto only looked at him and continued, “My father came, trying to calm and restrain her. It worked, of course. She was calmed, but she told father everything. Starting from her disappointment of Illu-ni, Millu-nii that did nothing only to be a ‘waste of space’ in her house, Killu-nii that couldn’t be controlled, a demon child, and me. The youngest that disobeyed. I didn’t know what my father told her, but she was quiet as they retrieved to their room.” 

_ Kalluto was in the west garden, drinking tea with Grandpa Zeno when his mother called him. She was in her usual gown, visor still attached to her head. Kalluto wished she had calmed down because he was not in the mood for her antics.  _

_ “Hello, dear.” She started, nodding at him and Grandpa Zeno. She poured herself a cup of tea, two cubes of sugar.  _

_ “Morning, mother.” Kalluto greeted.  _

_ “I was very disappointed in Illumi,” She started, “He was slowly following his brother’s path. I told him that I want him here yesterday, but he disobeyed me.”  _

_ “He’s an adult, Kikyo. He can do anything.” Zeno commented, “Besides, isn’t it you and Silva who wished that he became more of a ‘person’?”  _

_ “Yes, yes! But he still has his responsibility!” Kikyo frowned, “I rarely see Killua home anymore. He’s always with that Gon kid. Illumi didn’t even try to stop him.”  _

_ “What are you even gonna do about that?” Zeno scoffed. He never liked this Kikyo lady. What a shame that Silva married her.  _

_ “I don’t know yet.” She huffed. _

_ “I need you to follow me after this, Kalluto. I want to show you something.” Kikyo had told him, and he nodded, didn’t really have a choice. _

_ His mother brought him to their dungeon, not saying anything. Kalluto didn’t have a clue about what could possibly happen because she didn’t remember that it was his training day. He intended to ask, but mother was quite annoyed if someone asked her before she explained anything so he kept quiet.  _

_ “I don’t think Illumi has any effect anymore on Killua,” His mother started, “I need something different.”  _

_ “What do you mean, mother?” He asked.  _

_ “Killua is in a phase when he rebels. He won’t listen to anyone including his brother. Not only that, he is so attached to Alluka. I don’t even understand what he sees in it.” Mother growled.  _

_ “So?”  _

_ Kikyo stopped and turned. She crouched down so that her gaze was the same height as Kalluto’s. Her left hand touched his chin while the other gripped her victorian fan, “I need you to do something. Your brothers couldn’t be trusted, obviously, so I want you to do whatever you need to do to make sure that Killua comes home. You are my last choice, Kalluto.”  _

_ “Yes. Mother.” Kalluto replied, obediently.  _

_ Her mother smiled, and stood up, signalling him to follow her again. They arrived at the edge of the dungeon, a door was being unlocked by his mother.  _

_ “Take a look at that, Kalluto.” Her mother called her in an excited tone.  _

_ What he saw was a cat. That cat was having a seizure. Its fur was matted with its own vomit, stool, and urine. That cat was so miserable that Kalluto diverted his gaze.  _

_ “Interesting, isn’t it?” Her mother giggled while looking at the cat.  _

_ “What is that?” Kalluto dared to ask. _

_ “Your father and I put a lot of money on this research. I believe this would be an effective weapon against the people that get in our way.” Kikyo walked closer to the cat, Kalluto followed.  _

_ “I don’t understand, Mother,” Kalluto replied. _

_ “Well, we only put a little creature on its brain, and sooner or later, it will take over its body. Leaving it into a painful state like this.” His mother explained and Kalluto never thought that he could watch something so immoral. _

_ “Will you… Put this to our training?” Kalluto asked, unsure. He didn’t like every single bit about this new thing that his mother introduced to him. _

_ “Of course not!” His mother gasped, “I would never give this to my own children!”  _

_ “Listen to me, Kalluto. We only give this to the people that we sure want dead.” His mother took his hands and put a small bottle in his palm.  _

Kalluto put the bottle on top of the coffee table, in front of Hisoka, “This is the thing that infected Illu-nii’s brain.” 

“So your parents disown him?” Hisoka asked while he took the bottle, observing it cautiously. 

“I think you can draw your own conclusion based on the story that I just told you.” Kalluto sighed.

Hisoka hummed, returning the bottle to its owner, “Whose side are you on, exactly?”

“I’m on my own side.” Kalluto frowned and answered surely. But he also ducked, “But I love my siblings… And I think what my parents developed is immoral.” 

Hisoka looked at him. 

“So much for family affairs…” He chuckled, “Do you think what your mother did to Illumi was right?”

“No!” The youngest replied quickly, “I don’t want Illu-nii to die….” He continued, calmer than before. 

“Well, then, all you need to do is help me to help him. It’s that simple.” Hisoka shrugged.

“It’s not that simple. Mother said the cure is in my parents’ room. And I know exactly which part of the room it is placed.” Kalluto explained, “In their room, there’s another private room that is so secluded that no one besides both of them can enter. No one has ever been there. Not the butlers, not me, not Grandpa Zeno, and not even Illu-nii.” 

“But there’s a cure, right?” Hisoka asked. 

“Yes,” Kalluto answered. 

“Then the game is on, young Zoldyck.” Hisoka grinned and Kalluto huffed, for once got amused by the clown. No wonder his brother put up with him for so long. 

“I already contacted Danchou,” Kalluto continued. 

“And?” 

“He said that you and he have a deal. He agrees to help you as long as you don’t bother him and the troupe while doing it. No more attacking without reasons.” 

“Fine, fine,” Hisoka groaned, “He’s no fun at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU Will Killua finally forgive his brother or it was all too much for him to handle?
> 
> Though I said that I kinda disappointed on how I wrote this chapter, I'm satisfied when I read the convo between Hisoka and Kalluto. The young boy couldn't stand the magician, but Hisoka has his own charm and come on, he's funny as hell xD
> 
> annnnnddddd....   
> NEXT WEEK IS MY FINALS week T-T   
> Oh god I seriously don't understand how my uni make the academic calendar because it is chaotic as hell.  
> I probably gonna took another week off, but I swear to you that I will continue in two weeks :) So sorry for the inconvenient but my future depends on this one (lmfao that's really dramatic). 
> 
> Until then, see you!   
> Comments, critics, and prompts are welcomed!!!   
> I'm a sucker for comments so :)


	6. The Secret of the Zoldycks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night, another nightmare. Illumi wished someone could save him from his own mind. And while he was getting restless about his condition, he was thankful that Chrollo wanted to help him. Hisoka? Not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back y'all :'D
> 
> Finally I could breath for a second, but then next week I would have a midblock exam for my social aspect of medicine module and seriously? I don't even understand how my brain manage to do all of this work by itself. Brain is truly a wonderful organ T_T
> 
> anyway, i need to remind you that this chapter is going to be a little bit heavy, especially the first 1/3 of the chapter.   
> TW: curse, harassment, panic attack, blood. 
> 
> enjoy!

Blood. So much blood. 

Illumi didn’t really know how he even ended up in this place. The last thing he remembered was he was asleep in Hisoka’s bed. He remembered that the magician was out of town, helping his youngest brother. His medical team was in the living room, patiently accompanied him per Hisoka’s request, and he excused himself to rest. He intended to sleep in his room but he couldn’t help himself to finally walk toward the magician’s room and slept on his bed as a source of comfort because the room smelled like the magician.

_ he would very much deny that he missed the man, but his body had been acting strange lately.  _

So why did he end up here? 

It was dark, but he could see the room slightly. His hands were slippery, and when he looked downwards, he saw his hands covered in blood. Definitely not his. 

A creaked across the room startled him, as the door—H _ e didn’t remember there was even a door earlier— _ opened and light came from the other side of the door, followed by a shadow of a woman. His mother. 

Kikyo Zoldyck stood there in all of her glory, for once her visor was nowhere to be seen, showing her deep, dark eyes looking straight at Illumi. Her visor had made him forget his mother’s face that now when he saw it, he was a carbon copy of his mother. Pale skin, sharp lips, long, black hair, and the eyes… God, his mother looked just like him. Or was it him that looked just like his mother? 

“Mother?” Illumi greeted, unsure. Did his mother find out where he stayed? What about Hisoka? Was he safe? 

“Oh, my dear boy... “ His mother cooed, slowly walked towards him, “Look what you’ve done.” 

Illumi scrunched his eyebrows, unable to grasp his mother’s words until Kikyo’s eyes planted on his hand and Illumi followed. 

His heart stopped beating. Illumi’s eyes widened and his body froze as he looked at both of his palms that held something warm, blood dripping from it. 

“Aniki… This is all your fault. Why didn’t you guide me better?” 

He was holding Killua’s head, his body nowhere to be found. 

_ What the fuck. What the fuck, what the fUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK?! _

Illumi trembled, but his body refused to move. He tried to speak but the only result was a choking sound from his mouth as his throat constricted, unable to comprehend what just happened in front of him. 

Killua rolled his eyes, “Look at me now. I’m decapitated because of your incompetent. If only you taught me to be more obedient and to listen to our parents, I wouldn’t die. If only you’re not that selfish.” 

“I... This isn’t real.” Illumi spoke, finally able to move his own muscle. 

“What do you mean this isn’t real? My head is literally on your hands.” Killua scoffed. 

“See, Illumi? I’ve told you to take care of your brother. But you didn’t listen. Look what happened when you didn’t listen to your parents.” Now it was his father that stood in front of him with his enormous built and deep voice. He didn’t even realize his arrival.  **_Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy._ **

“You’re a disappointment, Illumi. You’re not worthy of the Zoldyck name. You only had one job, focus on it and everything would be fine. But you didn’t want to, right? You want to run away with that clown instead.” His father’s words hit him hard.  _ It stung so bad, someone please get me out of here.  _

**“** What do you even see in Hisoka Morrow anyway? He is impulsive, has no control, has no family. He is  **below** us.” His father continued and glared at him that Illumi cowered, like a stupid boy he was. 

“Illumi… Give me back my arm…” 

_ What the hell?  _

Illumi didn’t dare to look down because he knew that there was something down there beside the warm head of Killua that was still on his palms. But he knew that voice,  _ oh god,  _ he knew that voice. He knew that voice more that he knew the others. He knew that voice since he was a kid. That voice had been stuck in his head since the first time he heard it. It was Hisoka’s. 

_ This is not real, oh no, this is not real. Someone, please tell me this is not real.  _

Illumi ventured to look down and  _ oh how he regretted his choice.  _

He didn’t hold Killua’s head anymore. But now it was replaced with an arm, a strong, sculptured arm with vague freckles on the upper part, perfectly manicured pink nails now bloody. On the floor laid Hisoka, his face was pale, ashen, terrors in his eyes, and his chest… He had a hole in his chest and he was covered in blood and Illumi felt his stomach churning and bile rising and he threw his fiancé’s arm, crouched and retched. 

“Am I that disgusting that you puked when you see me?” Hisoka chuckled darkly. 

“Illu-nii… Why did you drag me in this mess?” Another voice was heard and now Illumi could feel that it was near him. So near that he could feel the person’s breath on his hair. 

Kalluto knelt in front of him and he was also full of blood and his eyes…  _ His eyes were missing. His beautiful violet eyes were nowhere to be found, the only thing left was now the sockets and Illumi couldn’t dare to see.  _

**_Get me out._ **

**_Someone, please get me out._ **

“Illumi… When did you become like this, my boy?” It was now grandpa Zeno and he  **couldn’t think.**

“Illu-nii, helping you was a mistake…” Milluki stood in front of him and when he looked up, he was disembowelled. 

“Hey, love. Why did you ignore me?” Hisoka huffed, crawling toward him with his functioned arm. 

“Aniki, look at what you did. Now I need to find a new friend.” Killua’s head was now rolling to him, his eyes looking at the corpse of Gon Freecss, losing his feet. 

“ **_WHy do you hate me, Illu nii-chan.”_ ** Alluka and Nanika now appeared in front of him and Illumi was overwhelmed. 

_ It was so loud, shut up, shut up, shuT UP! _

But Illumi couldn’t find his voice and his body shook violently as he hastily crawled backwards, his palms fumbled blindly on the floor. 

But it was getting louder as a lot of people suddenly appeared in front of him, people that he didn’t know and now he realized that… 

They were his needle people. Those whom he sacrificed for his own purposes, walked soullessly toward him, the needle on the back of their heads. 

His weapon now turned against him and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

“Please stop…” Illumi whimpered but of course, no one listened. 

_ I need to get out. I need to reach that door. Please, anyone, give me strength.  _

Illumi was practically begging to no one at this point. At least it worked, a little, he thought. He focused himself on his legs, trying to stand up even though it almost failed him. 

He ignored the voice and figures that tried to touch him as he looked at the door at the end of the room, determined to open it and leave the room immediately. He wiped his bloody hands on his pants and braced himself to run. 

**And he ran. As fast as he can.**

He hit some people, pushed them down, ignored the looks of his parents and brothers, leaving Hisoka, and he felt bad and he felt guilty. 

_ But this wasn’t real. I was in Hisoka’s room. I need to get out of here.  _

And so he arrived at the door. Without hesitant, he opened it harshly. 

Instead of an escape route, he found something else. And it was worse than anything that he just went through earlier. 

“My, my… Sweet Illumi. Look how you’ve grown.” A man, way older than him appeared. He wore a brown suit, his breath smelled, his beard unshaved. 

_ No. Please, No.  _

Illumi widened his eyes, pupils dilated and his whole body shook while he stepped backwards. Something was on his way that he slipped, fell down unceremoniously. He looked down and he saw it. Torn black furisode laid on the floor. It was majestic, beautiful. A black silk garment with gold embroidery, outlining the red flower patterns all across the surface. It was luxurious and enchanting if only the condition was not that tragic. 

Unconsciously, Illumi traced the pattern with his bloodied fingers, the garment was soft underneath his fingertips, bringing back memories of his adolescence days. 

“You used to look so good on that one.” The man spoke, bringing his attention back, “I bet it still looks good on you now.” 

“Get away from me.” Illumi spatted, yet his eyes couldn’t tell lies, now red with terror and rimmed with unfallen tears. 

“Don’t be such a brat, Illumi.” The man chuckled, walked slowly toward the whimpering assassin, space getting closer. 

“Don’t—Don’t touch me!” He yelled while scrambling to distance himself from the man, pathetically crawling while the tears that he held now fell, and it fell profusely. 

He sobbed, hard, unable to breathe as his throat constricted, his heart beating rapidly, blood pumping from his heart to all over his body, and he felt so  _ tired,  _ but he needed to get away as far as possible from that man. 

“Where are you going, Illumi?” The man was grabbing his ankle and he thrashed violently, trying to release the man’s grip from his leg. 

“Stop fighting! We’re going to have such a good time. Just like old-time.” The man chuckled and Illumi couldn’t think as he threw uncoordinated punches to the man, his eyes closed while tears still streaming.  **Please help me, someone please come and save me,** **_please I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t, I couldn’t._ **

**_Help help heLP HELP HELP!_ **

Illumi opened his eyes while his body jolted lightly, and suddenly he was on a bed. Now not alone. Someone was hugging him, left arm underneath his neck and right arm around his waist. He panicked for a second but as he breathed, he knew the scent. 

Strawberry gum with a hint of chocolate. 

Hisoka. 

His body was instantly relaxed, he closed his eyes again, but his mind was still wandering around the nightmare that he just had. It felt so real that it replayed over and over in his mind, mentally scarring him. 

“Hey. What is it?” The other man spoke and Illumi opened his eyes slowly. Hisoka was a light sleeper. Any sudden movements, any irregular noise would wake him up. 

“Was it another nightmare?” Hisoka asked when Illumi didn’t answer. The other just nodded while whispering a small yes. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“Not now.” Illumi managed to answer and the other nodded. Illumi was grateful that even though Hisoka had a big mouth, dramatic, talkative and could be a little bit pushy sometimes, he still knew boundaries when Illumi asked him to. 

They didn’t talk after that, intended to continue their sleep until Hisoka opened his eyes and looked at the assassin, “Love, you’re hot.” 

Illumi slowly opened his eyes and frowned because  _ was Hisoka dumb or something? He just had a nightmare and out of nowhere, he wanted to have a freaky-freaky time with him?  _

“This is really not the appropriate time, Hisoka.” Said Illumi flatly. 

The other replied with a frown that matched his and finally as if something clicked, he widened his eyes, eyebrows raised, “No. Not  _ that  _ kind of hot. Although that one is correct, too. I mean you’re burning, Illumi. And you’re sweating a lot too.” 

_ Oh.  _

Hisoka put his palm on top of Illumi’s forehead and the other sighed, enjoying the cold hand of the magician. He was so caught up with his nightmare that he didn’t realize that his body was heating up. He felt stiflingly hot, with dampened shirt and hair sticking to his skin. Suddenly a wave of nausea hit him and he groaned, removing himself from Hisoka’s hold. 

“I hate this so much.” Illumi groaned. He felt useless, miserable, and weak. Something that he didn’t experience on a daily basis. His medical team was nowhere near successful to find his cure and he was doubtful that they would even find it. Their parents always make sure that whatever torture forms that they created or obtained were extraordinary. The only thing that could help his condition was the cure from his own parents. If they even had the cure in the first place. 

“Come on, let’s get you clean up. It must be uncomfortable for you to sleep in a lot of sweat.” Hisoka prompted. He stood up, went to the bathroom for Illumi knows what and returned with a large bowl filled with water and a hand towel. 

The magician asked him to remove his shirt and he obliged, slightly relieved that the sweat-drenched material was released from his body. Hisoka then patiently wiped his body with the hand towel that had been soaked in the water, and Illumi sighed at the fresh sensation of it. 

_ It was nice to be taken care of when your whole life had been spent taking care of someone else.  _

“Thank you.” Said Illumi to the pink-haired after he finished wiping the last bits of his sweat and put him in another comfortable shirt, not too thick but not too thin either. 

“You don’t have to thank me, love. It is my pleasure to help you. Besides, I get to see the soft side of you that people normally wouldn’t see.” Hisoka chuckled while bopping Illumi’s nose with his index finger, his eyes crinkled, leaving only a hint of gold visible, mouth forming a grin. 

When Hisoka was a lot younger, it was one of his dreams to take care of the man in front of him. Illumi was the eldest of the bunch, so he never had the experience to be taken care of. He was also extremely mature compared to people at his own age so Hisoka never had the privilege to see this vulnerable state of Illumi Zoldyck. 

_ But he never hoped to take care of him when he was  _ **_dying._ **

Okay, maybe Hisoka exaggerated a bit on the dying part but for as long as they didn’t find the cure, Illumi would die. And Hisoka couldn’t live with the fact that he couldn’t do anything about it. He observed the assassin and the signs were  _ visible _ . 

Illumi got thinner each day. His lean yet muscular and proportioned body lost its muscles. His already pale skin now paler, and his luscious black hair lost its shine. Hisoka couldn’t help but cringe at the fact that the invincible Illumi Zoldyck could die. 

“Hisoka.” Illumi woke him up from his daydream. 

“I’m sorry, dear?” He replied apologetically, didn’t hear what he was talking about earlier. 

“I asked whether you have any plans for today,” Illumi replied, rolling his eyes because he had to repeat his words. 

“Oh. I have a match scheduled this afternoon, but I already contacted Kalluto to accompany you.” Hisoka answered. Truth to be told, he was not in the mood whatsoever to fight, but he had to, in order to maintain his cash flow. Illumi, no matter how wealthy he was individually, was not in the state to be able to produce money right now with his condition. 

“You don’t actually need to ask someone to accompany me whenever you aren’t available.” Illumi protested. He could take care of himself. He had been, for his entire life. 

“Uh-huh. None can do, love.” Hisoka grinned while putting the newly dampened towel on the assassin’s forehead and Illumi huffed, annoyed at his fiancé’s behaviour. What was more annoying was that Illumi couldn’t do anything about it because once Hisoka set his mind, no one, not even death, could change it. 

***

Hisoka went back to the penthouse after his so boring match that set him in a really foul mood. His contender was very predictable, it was like watching a show which ending had been spoiled. He was deeply upset and offended that the committee even had the audacity to put his name beside that man,  _ see? He didn’t even remember his name because of how boring he is.  _ To add salt on the wound, that man didn’t even have the spirit to fight back after Hisoka broke his arm and quickly pleaded for mercy. Hisoka almost gagged on stage. 

But the thing that set his nerve off was now the sight that was shown in front of him. Hisoka was sure that he could break someone’s skull on the spot. 

“I see that you’ve made yourself comfortable at my place.” Hisoka started, in a fake tone of hospitality, “Chrollo.” 

Chrollo Lucilfer, the man that he resented, was now seated on his couch, in his living room, beside his fiancé and in front of his fiancé’s brother. On top of the table was displayed a large blueprint, something he had yet to find out the use. 

“Ah. So you’ve finished your match. It was a boring one, I heard.” Chrollo replied innocently. His hair was now down, no product held his hair in his usual slicked style. His signature fur coat was nowhere to be seen, rather a black suit was now hanging on Hisoka’s coat hanger, leaving him with a white button-up with a black tie and slacks. 

“Yes, you’re absolutely right. And now my hands are itching for an exciting match. Do you wanna help me?” Hisoka glared. 

“Hisoka.” Illumi warned. He still didn’t know the reason for the magician’s obsession toward defeating Chrollo, but Hisoka was a weird man and everything he did was out of the box, so Illumi gave up on trying to understand. But now his only chance of getting the cure was with the help of the Troupe and he wouldn’t let simple matters like Hisoka’s childishness get in his way. 

“If you hurt me, the deal is off.” Chrollo reminded him and Hisoka raised his hand, sighing in defeat, “Fine.” 

Hisoka walked toward the kitchen island across the living room while examining three of them. He took a clear glass and filled it with water, “But at least tell me first if you want to come to my house. It is rude to walk into someone’s house unannounced. Besides, I didn’t remember giving you permission to talk to Illumi. But I don’t blame you, for someone who grew up in Meteor City, it isn’t surprising if they don’t have a proper manner.” 

Hisoka was already prepared if Chrollo snapped because of his last sentence. Therefore he would have a reason to fight him as the other would be the one who attacked him first. Illumi wouldn’t lose his deal and he would have an exciting fight. It was a win-win solution. 

But the Troupe leader just huffed. His face showed amusement instead of annoyance, “You’re one to talk. Considering your childhood was apple-to-apple to mine, I don’t think you have the rights to judge me. And why should I ask for your approval to talk to Illumi? He’s his own person. Furthermore, I believe I should ask about Kukuroo Mountain directly to someone who really knows the area. It’s his residence anyway.” 

Hisoka clenched his jaw, unable to reply. Chrollo was right after all. 

_ Oh, how Hisoka hated it when an adult played smart with him.  _

“Come to think about it, you broke into my house too,” Kalluto replied and Hisoka rolled his eyes.

“That’s different.” He scowled. 

“It’s the same for me.” Kalluto shrugged. 

Hisoka just waved his hand while swallowing the fresh water in one gulp. He walked toward the three of them and plopped himself onto the couch beside Kalluto. He examined the three dark-heads, Chrollo was a bastard as always, and Kalluto was expressionless as always. Illumi’s face was pale, but his cheeks were blushed, probably still had his fever. He also had a thick blanket draped on his body. 

“So what do we have here?” He started. 

“This is the Zoldyck Manor’s blueprint.” Stated Kalluto,  _ obviously.  _

“Kalluto said that whatever infected Illumi, the cure is inside their parents’ private chamber.” Chrollo explained, “It’s right here. It is connected with the master bedroom, but apparently, it was unlike a hidden closet, but more of a hidden path in which we have to get through to enter the private chamber.” Chrollo’s finger was pointing on the blueprint, specifically on the west side of the building. Hisoka could see the bedroom, but he failed to find the hidden path that Chrollo mentioned. 

“The hidden path is right here.” Illumi replied while pointing to a closed section of the room, as if he noticed Hisoka’s confusion, “This blueprint is incomplete. Because that chamber is the most private part of the mansion, the ones who know how to enter it are the head of the family and the people that he allowed, my mother for example.”

Hisoka nodded, finally able to understand. 

Though he scowled, squinted his eyes and balled his hand to a fist, feeling the friction between his nails and his skin starting to tear his palm when he saw the way that the bastard,  _ Chrollo Lucilfer,  _ looked at Illumi. 

_ He was looking at his face instead of trying to understand his explanation. That bastard. I’m gonna teach that punk a lesson or two— _

“Hisoka.” Illumi snapped his fingers in front of his face and his jaw slackened. 

“Yeah, I got it, I got it.” Hisoka clicked his tongue, “How do you even know about this room anyway? You said the only ones who knew how to enter this room are your parents.” 

Illumi put his fingers to his chin, “Because I’ve been there.” 

“What?” Kalluto spontaneously reacted. He was so surprised that his body was jerking backwards. 

“Do explain?” Hisoka demanded. He was also curious. 

Illumi sighed and rested his body on the couch, his arms were crossed, “It was when I was a kid. Milluki’s birth was painful, and mother was having difficulties bearing children. Milluki’s progress was bad either, and at that time, the only reasonable thing to do was to make me the heir in case mother wasn't able to bear children anymore.” 

“I was around ten if I’m not mistaken. Luckily, I remember it clearly on how to enter the chamber. There is no additional security to enter the vault because it is very private that mother and father don’t think it is necessary to add more. It’s only a couple of surveillance cameras that I believe Milluki could handle.” Illumi finished. 

“I see…” Kalluto commented, still gobsmacked by the fact that his brother had entered the most private part of their house.

“Now the question is,” Chrollo started, “How can you be so sure that the cure is stored in that room?” 

“Oh, I know for sure.” Illumi shrugged, “By the story that Kalluto told me, the cure is one of the most valuable things in my family. And the most valuable things stored in that room. I could also go as far as predicted where the cure is placed specifically. My parents are not that hard to predict.” 

“Please enlighten me,” Hisoka demanded. He was now leaned over, clearly absorbed with the conversation.

“It would be highly possible that the cure was stored on the marble table that’s placed in the middle of the room, besides the late Zoldyck siblings’ belongings,” Illumi explained. 

“Wait, what?” Hisoka forehead was creased. 

“So the rumours are true…” Chrollo’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened in surprise. 

“What rumours?” Hisoka asked, once more. Clearly confused. 

“That the Zoldyck heirs would execute their siblings once they became the head of the family. Not execute per se, but the other siblings would automatically disappear. Being killed, fled, I don’t know.” Illumi explained. 

“So you’re telling me that Silva, Zeno, or Maha used to have siblings?” Hisoka's head was tilted, unable to understand what Illumi said. 

“Yes. Did you seriously think that my father decided to suddenly have five children while all of his family generations only produced one?” Illumi retorted as if it was obvious and continued, “By the time the heir ascends to take the head of the family title, he or she must exterminate possible threats. And that includes their own siblings. My great-great-grandparent did that, my grandfather did that, and my father did that. They would expect Killua to do the same in the future. It doesn’t have to be killing your siblings, the only thing matters is that your siblings should never be able to be a threat to your position. It’s a tradition.”

“Interesting…” Hisoka replied.  _ The Zoldycks are… Something else.  _

“Illu-nii… Is it wise to tell the story?” Kalluto’s face twisted after Illumi explained it to two other people who were not their family nor their family’s circle. 

“Hm. What's the worst that could happen? It’s already been a public secret for ages.” Illumi commented. 

“So back to the topic, I’m pretty sure that the cure is there.” Illumi continued and the three others nodded. 

“Quick question,” Chrollo raised his hand, “You clearly know what you’re doing. So why ask for my help?” 

“Easy,” Hisoka answered before Illumi or Kalluto could answer. He was the one who asked for Chrollo’s help anyway, “Human resource.” 

“Please elaborate.” The spider demanded. 

“Kukuroo Mountain has dozens of butlers and workers. Not to mention we have to face Maha, Zeno, and the parents. I’m sure that they will increase the residence’s security. With that amount of power, compared to me, Kalluto, and Milluki… I’m confident at my ability but I’m pretty realistic. I couldn’t jeopardize the safety of Illumi’s siblings.” Hisoka explained.

“So you need to sacrifice my team instead?” Chrollo raised one of his eyebrows. 

“Oh don’t be so negative about me.” Hisoka waved his hand, “I’m just asking for your team help so that the chance of us obtaining the cure would be higher.” 

“Not to mention that I’m unable to feel my nen, so I’m pretty much useless,” Illumi added, earning a curious gaze from Chrollo. 

“You lost your nen?” 

“I believe the parasite renders my ability to access it,” Illumi answered.

Hisoka didn’t know the reason behind the subtle change in Chrollo’s expression after Illumi said that. Whether it was because he had been in Illumi's place before, left completely useless without nen, or other reasons, but Chrollo nodded slowly, “Alright. I will talk to the Troupe about this. I will inform you as soon as I know their opinion.” 

“Thank you, Danchou.” Kalluto nodded. 

“No problem, Kalluto.” Chrollo gave him a soft smile and Hisoka rolled his eyes. 

Though it reminded him of a question that he wanted to ask since the beginning of his arrival, “Why did you decide to help me though? It was clear enough that at first, you didn’t have any intention to help, since you ignored my text.” 

Chrollo chuckled at the question, “You only asked for my help  _ once.  _ Through text message. What kind of person asks for help about life-threatening matters via text message?” 

“Fair point,” Hisoka replied, for the first time agreeing to what Chrollo just said. 

“Besides, I didn’t do it for you. Kalluto has been very helpful in fixing the mess that you made, and I think it’s the least that I can do.” Said Chrollo which made Kalluto bow his head in embarrassment. 

“And Illumi had proven himself to be helpful when I needed him. He’s a talented assassin and I made a perfect choice hiring him to take care of the ten dons. ” Chrollo continued while looking at Illumi. The other smiled, silently thanked him for the compliment. 

Which made Hisoka’s blood boil. 

_ Did he really flirt with my fiancé in front of me? That son of a bitch really doesn’t know boundaries.  _

“Of course he’s helpful. You  _ paid him  _ to be helpful, dumbass.” Hisoka snarked, but instead looking offended, the Spider just stared at him blankly, as if Hisoka didn’t say anything.

“Hisoka. Be nice.” Illumi warned and Hisoka groaned.  _ Great.  _

“I should probably go. It’s getting late and I don’t want to be a bother.” Chrollo smiled and stood up, followed by Illumi, Kalluto and Hisoka

“You're already a bother though,” Hisoka muttered cynically, but he was ignored by the other three. 

“Thank you for considering helping me. I owe you a lot. Perhaps I could pay you…?” Illumi thanked him. 

“So the role is now reversed, eh?” Chrollo chuckled, “It’s okay. Consider this as a bonus for you and Kalluto’s splendid work. Take care of yourself, alright?” Chrollo patted Illumi’s arm which was seriously a wrong move to do in front of the magician. 

“Alright, time to go! I’m gonna escort him to the elevator because this penthouse is a maze and we don’t wanna have our lord and saviour Chrollo Lucilfer to lose direction, right?” Hisoka put a fake grin and roughly grabbed Chrollo’s arm, dragging him toward the main door. He threw the Spider’s suit to his face, which earned warning glances from the Zoldycks. 

“Danchou! Should I accompany you instead?” Kalluto asked, but the other two shook their heads.

“No. You stay here to take care of your brother.” Said Hisoka.

“It’s okay, Kalluto. He knows if he attacks me, the deal is off.” Said Chrollo.

“Hisoka. Be nice.” Illumi could only warn him from afar, and Hisoka nonchalantly gave him a two-finger salute. 

As soon as Hisoka felt that they were out of range to be heard, he harshly shoved Chrollo to the wall, hands were yanking his collar, “Touch my fiancé again and I’ll kill you.” Hisoka said darkly. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Said Chrollo innocently. Eyes empty, without emotion. 

“Don’t play dumb with me,  _ Lucilfer.  _ I saw you looking at him earlier.” Hisoka grinned, even though his golden eyes glistened, filled with pure rage. He tightened his hold. 

“If you hurt me, the deal is off. Remember, it is for your Illumi.” Chrollo replied.

“I don’t fucking care.” Hisoka chuckled, “I could kill you right here, right now, and still be able to obtain his cure. Don’t test me. So next time you meet him, you better watch your eyes and hands.” 

“Relax, Hisoka. I could smell your scent on him.” Chrollo said lightly. 

“What?” Hisoka was caught off guard and Chrollo used that momentum to shove him back, releasing his grip from his now creased shirt. 

“He smells a little bit of you. And I could smell him on you either. You basically imprinted each other so you don’t have to worry about competitors. Especially with some low class like me.” Chrollo patted his shirt, trying to remove the creases. 

“Hm. Good reason.” Hisoka crossed his arms, “But you have been warned. If I see any suggestive gestures—“

“Calm down, Hisoka. I don’t fancy him. At least not anymore.” Chrollo ignored his threat and walked, leaving him. 

“Anymore?” Hisoka raised one of his eyebrows, taking out one of his cards discreetly, ready to strike if he had to. 

“You can’t deny that he’s attractive. Anyone would easily be charmed by his look. It happened to me when I hired him.” Chrollo admitted without shame. 

“What makes you stop?” Hisoka asked curiously.  _ Now this is entertaining.  _

“His father and grandpa.” Chrollo shrugged, “They’re too much work. And as I said before, I could smell you on him. I don’t fancy stealing someone else’s significant other.” 

“Smart answer,” Hisoka commented. They were now waiting for the elevator to arrive at their floor. It was a little bit longer as his penthouse was at one of the highest floors of the tower. 

“Speaking of fiancé…” Chrollo started, earning a glance from the magician, “I didn’t see any ring on his finger?”

“Oh. His bitch of a mother destroyed it. More reason to hate her and less guilt to kill her.” Hisoka cocked his head when they heard a ding, signalling the other that the elevator had arrived. 

“I see.” Chrollo nodded, “Well, see you next time.” He said goodbye as the elevator door closed. 

Hisoka was amused. He didn’t expect that he would have a normal conversation with the Troupe leader without having the urge to fight every five seconds. The Zoldycks really put a lot of influence on him. 

***

“Hisoka…” Illumi whined and the magician was instantly awake. 

He had been sleeping restlessly, partially because the assassin’s fever was nowhere near decreased, and partially because Illumi was delirious that he woke him up every hour. He would find it aggressively cute if the man didn’t have his fever. Illumi mumbled a lot of things, from his love toward lamb chop, his complaints about that one hair product that made his hair greasy, to serious things like his relationship with his family. 

“What is it, love?” Hisoka asked softly. 

Illumi's face was twisted, his forehead creased. He didn’t open his eyes but he mumbled, “You didn’t hear it from me, but I’m worried about you.”

_ What.  _

“You are too careless for your own good.” Illumi continued, “I know that you seek power, and it gives you pleasure, but sometimes you underestimate your opponents.” 

“Hm?” 

“I know that you’re strong. Bungee Gum is incredible and versatile. But I couldn’t help but worry.” Illumi admitted, still closing his eyes, not aware of what he just said. 

“When you were fighting with Chrollo, God… I couldn’t describe the dread that I felt at that time. I’ve prepared myself for my whole life to expect the worst from you, your death. You are unpredictable, so death is pretty predictable for you. But when I saw your body…” 

Hisoka was so absorbed with Illumi’s words that he didn’t realize that the assassin’s body was shaking. He made an effort to calm him, but it was no use. Illumi couldn’t listen to him and continued, “I’m scared.”

“I’m scared, even though death is unavoidable. But I couldn’t help it. I’m scared of losing. But I couldn’t do anything because I couldn't even warn you. I couldn’t just ask you not to do anything dangerous because I’m scared that you’ll get bored of me and leave me.” Illumi’s eyebrows pinched. His sentences were incoherent and unstructured, unlike his usual self. 

“Hey. That won’t happen.” Hisoka tried to soothe him. He propped himself with his elbow, the other arm held the assassin close, “First of all, you are a Zoldyck. And Zoldycks are anything but boring. Second of all, you are the most intriguing person that I’ve ever met and it would take more than a lifetime for me to get bored with you. So I’m sorry, you’ll have to stick with me forever.” 

“Then promise me that you’ll be careful,” Illumi replied firmly now. His expression changed despite his closed eyes, “Promise me that you’ll never underestimate your opponents. You must think thoroughly when you fight, and you have to find a reasonable excuse to fight someone. No more killing for fun.” 

_ Okay, this is hard.  _

Hisoka was a man whose purpose was to gain pleasure from power. He was carefree, and he wouldn’t let anything get in his way to achieve his pleasure. He was not restricted, and he would never be. Taking away his freedom would mean taking away his passion, his soul, and his personality. 

“...You could forget what I just said. It was nonsense.” Illumi spoke again before Hisoka could say anything. His eyes were now open, even though there was still a hint of sleepiness. He was now more lucid.

“It was not nonsense.” Hisoka said quickly, “You have the right to be worried. Sometimes I worried about you too. But that was a difficult promise to make, love.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“If I promised you that, it would not only make me lose my freedom. It would also turn me into someone that is not… Hisoka. I would lose myself. If that makes sense.” Hisoka punctuated. 

“I understand. I know that you value your freedom and I couldn’t force you to do what I ask.” Illumi whispered though he couldn’t help to feel disappointed. 

“But if this helps, I promised that I will remember your words, and I’ll try not to underestimate my opponents. For you.” The magician stared at the assassin. 

He was serious about his promise. Perhaps it was time to be more mature about his lifestyle. His death battle with Chrollo had opened his eyes and made him realize that he did value his life. There was so much that he wanted to do, wanted to achieve, wanted to discover, and he wouldn’t succeed if he had zero self-preservation.

“I appreciate that.” Replied Illumi gratefully. Hisoka didn’t know if Illumi was lucid now, or he was still delirious. But his eyes were now clear and Hisoka couldn’t help to close their space, feeling the dark-head after weeks of worrying and panicking.

Hisoka didn’t know the secret that Illumi held, but the assassin always tasted like vanilla. The most fragrant vanilla that he ever tasted. 

“What was that about?” Illumi asked. 

“Nothing. I just feel like it.” Hisoka grinned. His eyes were mischievous and Illumi could sense his perverted thoughts. 

Illumi put his palm on Hisoka’s face, earning an _ ‘umph’  _ from the pink-head and said, “For your information, I’m not in the mood. I still have my fever.” 

“Alright, alright. Let’s go back to sleep, then. It’s still too early for my brain to function.” Hisoka replied and the other nodded, finding his way back to Hisoka’s body, snuggled close to the clown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewwwh! 
> 
> I honestly adore the dynamics between Chrollo, Hisoka, and Illumi (even though canonically they never even share the same screen on the same time) lmfaooo
> 
> Please give me feedbacks or comments or your opinion about this chapter so that I could improve myself! Thank you!!!
> 
> ANYWAYYYYs you can find me on twitter @BrandhoeDio (YES ITS CHEESY AF BUT I LOVE DIO OK) because i dont have friends. if you wanna talk about anything, feel free to contact me!


	7. Help or Ignore?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As soon as the Troupe agreed to help the magician and his assassin, Kalluto asked whether Killua would help them too. Though there was a lot in Killua's mind regarding his brother and he couldn't make up his decision. 
> 
> He wouldn't make a mistake that could cost his sister's happiness, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK OMG   
> I'm soooo sorry I left you without notice for more than two weeks T_T but apparently I messed up my schedule and didn't realise that I have another exam this week. I also need to record myself giving CPR to a really hard mannequin and it TOOK FOREVER and A LOT OF TAKES that I'm positive that I injured my wrist. AND I HAVE A 4 months old border collie you know how energetic a BC is, right? Whoosh there goes my energy. 
> 
> Not to mention that because it's near christmas, it means that the orchestra that I joined will held an online christmas and I have to record myself playing a violin and piano while only learn the piece for a week (real experience: I record my piano piece at 23.57 and possibly disturb my neighbor because the deadline was on the next day) 
> 
> (( yes, idk why I decided to still joining orchestra while being a medstud but it's all fun in the end ))
> 
> bU bu bu bUT now it's here so enjoy!!!

“Killua, you’re not listening!” Gon whined as he saw the blank face that Killua gave when he explained about his time catching the Whale Island’s monster fish. To be exact, Killua had been spacing out a lot since his time with Illumi. Gon wasn’t the type to think badly about someone and accuse people without evidence, but he was worried that the boy’s brother had inserted something into his brain again. Even though it wouldn’t make sense because Illumi said that he couldn’t use his nen. 

_ Would Illumi lie, though?  _

But he wouldn’t. As manipulative as he was, Illumi would never admit that he was weak. So if he said that he couldn’t use his nen, then it was true. 

“Hey! I’m listening okay.” Killua scoffed, “Besides, you’ve told me this story millions of times. I even knew the exact details about it.” 

“You don’t have to be rude about it.” Gon huffed and turned away. He was just trying to cheer the white-haired up. It wouldn’t hurt to give him some appreciation. 

Killua who saw his friend’s face scowled scratched his head, feeling guilty. He didn’t mean to snap at the boy, but he had a lot on his mind. 

“I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” Killua apologized. 

“It’s alright. But please tell me that your brother didn’t do anything to you. I’m worried.” Gon replied. He couldn’t stay mad at his friend for too long anyway. 

“He didn’t do anything I swear.” Killua assured, “It’s just… I still couldn’t believe that Illumi would say something like that.” 

Ever since Killua left Hisoka’s penthouse, he told his best friend all that had happened inside the penthouse. He told everything, including the small details from Illumi putting aloe vera on his back, he swam until he was red as a cooked lobster, to his brother’s confession. Gon was supportive, he was neutral about it. He didn’t accuse Illumi, yet he didn’t fully support him to just forgive his brother right away. He asked his opinion about it and honestly? Killua himself didn’t know what to think. 

“I thought you decided to slowly forgive him? That’s why we’re here?” Gon asked. 

And ever since he visited Illumi, Killua had gained information from Kalluto and Chrollo that they were going to steal the cure from their parents. Kalluto had asked for his help in this ‘mission’ but Killua had been reluctant. He couldn’t make up his mind about the whole ‘forgiving’ situation. So he didn’t tell the other two adults that he intended to help. 

They were now on the plane destined to Dentora Region, Killua intended to visit his home due to Kalluto’s request. The youngest had asked for his help to meet the second eldest after he explained their meeting with Chrollo. Kalluto expected him to explain it to Milluki directly because he thought that their condition would be too complicated to be explained via phone call or text. And yeah, Killua despised the idea of having a civil conversation with Milluki, and he deemed it could never happen, but he had abandoned his youngest brother enough and Killua felt bad. Killua had been so absorbed with helping Alluka that he didn’t realize that Kalluto had distanced himself from him. And here he thought Illumi was the bad one. 

“Helping him doesn’t mean forgiving him, Gon.” Killua sighed. Sometimes Gon’s innocence was a blessing, but it was a curse in a situation like this. 

“Huh?” Gon cocked his head, “I don’t see the problem here.” 

“Gosh…” Killua muttered. 

“Do you believe in your brother, Killua?” Gon asked and Killua seriously didn’t have the answer for that. 

“I don’t know! And that’s the problem.” Killua replied frustratingly, earning looks from people around him. Oops. He forgot that it was a commercial flight. 

“I mean,” Continued Killua with a lower voice, “He looked so miserable and genuine. I even pitied him. I think he genuinely wants to fix whatever happened between us. But I’m also not sure. He’s the master of manipulation. I’m scared that this is only his other trick to manipulate me. I couldn’t gamble on Alluka’s safety.” 

Gon didn’t reply but Killua could sense that he was thinking very hard right now. 

“Do you think I’m paranoid?” Killua asked. 

“Not at all!” Gon replied in a cheerful voice before continuing, “I think it makes sense that you question his actions and behaviours considering what he has done for you.” 

“If so, what should I do?” Killua begged for help. 

“Maybe trust your gut? It’s a rare chance that your instinct is wrong.” Gon shrugged. To be honest, if he was Killua, he would also have a very hard time deciding what to do. 

“Besides,” Gon continued, “You said it yourself that helping him doesn’t mean forgiving him. If your gut says help him but don’t forgive him yet, then do it. No one forces you to make up your mind right now.” 

“Hmm… Thanks for the insight.” Killua replied gratefully. 

Being Gon’s friend had given him a lot of new perspective toward the world. All Killua thought before he had friends was how miserable his life was, and how much he wished to release himself from his family’s grasp. He thought that he was a kid with the heaviest burden in his life. But after he met Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika, he realized that they also had the same burden as him, if not heavier. They made him appreciate his life more. They also, directly and indirectly, taught him what was right and what was wrong, and correcting the twisted teachings that his family inserted into his brain. 

Killua was grateful that he had his friends, even though Illumi forbade him. He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

They arrived at Kukuroo Mountain at noon, so Killua braced himself to face his overdramatic mother. She was usually around at lunchtime to force everyone available at the house to join her for lunch. Family time, she said. 

“Killua! It’s a blessing that you decided to join us for lunch!” His mother ran towards him as soon as she saw him in the living room. Her hugs were bone-crushing and Killua couldn’t understand how a woman as small as she was could strangle someone with her power. 

“Mother, I– couldn’t breath!” Killua groaned when his face squashed between her chest and arms.

“I’m sorry, honey! I’m just so happy to meet you! It’s been a long time since you came home.” His mother proceeded to kiss him on every surface of his face, and by the time she finished, he could feel his face dampened and filled with lipstick stains.  _ Yuck.  _

His mother didn’t comment about Gon at all, acting like he was invisible or he wasn’t even there, but at least she didn’t try to kill him. Killua was not in the mood for a fight today, so he really appreciated the calm atmosphere for lunch. 

They arrived at the lunch table where Silva Zoldyck was already seated at his usual spot, Zeno was at his right and Maha at his left. Milluki was already halfway through his lunch despite hearing his mother shriek, and Killua cringed. He didn’t look or act different, still acting like mommy’s little boy, so Killua was a little bit sceptical about telling him their brother’s mission. Even though the grudge he felt for Illumi and Milluki were equal, at least Illumi had already apologized for what he had done. Despite the fact that he still didn’t know if it was real or just a part of Illumi’s scheme. 

“So, Killua. What have you been up to?” His mother asked while blowing her spoon. 

“Nothing much. Competing at the arena, travelling across the world. Doing fun things.” He replied briefly. 

“Well if you don’t have anything important to do, why don’t you visit us more often?” Kikyo asked and Killua could feel her mother's implication behind her words. She didn’t ask for him to come home.  _ She forced him. _

“Kikyo, we’ve talked about this,” Silva interjected before Killua could answer. 

“I know, I know!” Kikyo shook her head, “But I couldn’t help but worry about my son wandering around the world like a peasant, for God knows why and God knows where!” She vented dramatically. 

“Honey, I’m sure Killua would realize that his training would come handy when the time comes. And after that, we can welcome him with open arms.” Silva chuckled, talking about his white-haired son like he was not in the room. But Killua could care less, he would never get back to his house again. At least not until their parents treat Alluka like a human being and until they don't force anything upon them. 

Lunch was pretty normal. The food was poisonous as always, but Killua had years of training and experience, so he didn’t feel any discomfort at all. Gon might get a stomach ache later, but Killua had been training him to be immune to almost all poisons and toxins, so he was sure that Gon would be alright. The only thing that he noticed though, their parents didn’t mention their firstborn at all. Every time Killua visited his house, his father, or at least his mother would ask about Illumi. Especially since Illumi was the one in charge of monitoring his progress. Usually, his mother would hug him to death when Killua came with him, or she would ask Killua to thank him when he wasn’t there. Today, there was no word about Illumi at all. 

_ Wow. They really disowned him.  _

After lunch, Killua visited Alluka first before making his way to Milluki to avoid suspiciousness from both of his parents, as well as his grandpas and butlers. They knew that Killua hated Milluki the most,  _ besides Illumi,  _ so it would be odd if Killua went straight to Milluki instead of his favourite sister. 

“Onii-chan!” Alluka greeted him when he arrived. She was cheerful as always, and it melted Killua’s heart. His sister deserved the world

“Hello, Alluka. How have you been?” Killua laughed after Alluka tackled him to the ground when she hugged him. 

“Nothing much. It’s pretty boring if you’re not here. The toys that mother gave me didn’t amuse me anymore. And Kalluto-nii didn’t come here often again.” Alluka replied. She was always cheerful, but Killua could sense some sorrow in her reply. 

_ She was basically jailed in this room. Anyone sane enough would suffer.  _

“I’m sorry I didn’t come as often as I did.” Killua apologized. 

“It’s okay! You’re here now! And that’s what matters. Do you want to play something? Oh! You brought your friend!” Alluka replied fastly that Killua had troubles keeping up. She was now running toward the other boy, also tackling him. Though Gon had no problem maintaining his balance since he already saw it coming.

“Hello, Alluka! It’s nice to meet you again! Killua sometimes couldn’t stop talking about you.” Gon laughed as she hugged him tightly. 

“I’m so happy to see both of you!” Alluka squealed enthusiastically. She was practically jumping now. 

“The feeling is mutual, Alluka-chan!” Gon replied, equally beaming and Killua never saw anything so pure like the image in front of him. 

Alluka proceeded to drag both of them to play with her dolls, doing whatever scenario that she had set. The Princess in the Dragon Tower, The Poison Apple, Romeo and Juliet, everything that she could think of. Most of the time, Killua was the villain because Gon was there, being the knight or prince for the little girl. 

“Do you dare to fight me, pathetic human?!” Killua spoke in a low voice while raising his dragon dolls, imitating it as best as he could, which was rather unsuccessful, earning snickers from both Gon and Alluka. 

“Oh, No! What should we do?!” Alluka raised her voice, clearly the better actress than his brother. 

“Don’t worry, Princess! I will protect you and defeat this dragon!” Gon shouted valiantly, raising his knight doll and pointed its sword toward the dragon’s chest. 

“Oh NOOOOOO!!!” Killua–as the dragon–screamed dramatically as he slowly lowered his doll, admitting his defeat. 

“The dragon is defeated and The Princess and her Knight live happily ever after. The end.” Alluka ended the play using her narrator’s voice, and the boys clapped while she bowed. 

“That was a good one, Alluka-chan!” Gon complimented sincerely, “I really enjoyed it.” 

“Thank you so much! I’ve been working on this really hard.” Alluka giggled. Her face was all red, unable to contain the excitement of being appreciated. 

“Listen, Alluka… I need to talk to you about something.” Killua chirped suddenly, now serious. 

“Talk about what?” Alluka asked and they moved toward the table that was more suitable for talking than playing games. 

“The reason why I came here is…” Killua started unsurely and Gon nodded at him, giving him the mental support, “The reason why I came here is that because Illumi is injured.”

“Illunii-chan is injured? Is he okay now?” Alluka gasped, genuinely surprised.

“Well… He is. For now.” Killua scratched his head, “But he won’t be if we don’t do something.” 

“What do you mean?” Alluka asked. 

“Well… I believe mother had put some type of parasite inside his head that affects his health. It also affects his nen. If we don’t remove the parasite, he would die. That’s why I came home to discuss this business with Milluki. Kalluto and Illumi’s friends planned a mission to take the cure.” Killua explained briefly. 

Alluka showed no sign of understanding his words, and Killua sighed. He opened his mouth, trying to find other words that Alluka could fathom, but Gon cut him by patting his shoulder, “To put it simply, Alluka-chan, your brother is cursed with some kind of spell. In order to save him, we must help him find the cure to lift the curse.”

After Gon simplified–not simplified per se–his words, Alluka nodded, as if something was clicked inside her brain, “I see. Then, what should I do to help him?” 

“What? No!” Killua looked at her, “Alluka, You don’t have to do anything to help Illumi.”

“Why? I want to help him. He’s my big bro.” Alluka tilted his head as if Killua was talking nonsense. 

“He made your life miserable, Alluka. He is one of the reasons you are here, trapped in this room. He has caused a lot of damage in our lives. He even referred to you by ‘it’. How could you take this so lightly?” Killua replied. 

“I already forgive him, big bro,” Alluka answered with a smile. 

Killua frowned, “What?”

“Well… He visited me a few times when he could. And he gave me some cute dolls!” Alluka giggled, “Wait! I’ll show you!” 

Alluka was now running toward one of her toy containers, her hands hastily reached into the piles of dolls, trying to find what she searched for. Not so long after that, she squealed, while running back toward the two boys, now holding three dolls on her arms.

The dolls weren’t what Killua usually identified as ‘cute’, with its big black eyes and pins around its body, but it was from Illumi, so Killua wasn't surprised. And his little sister liked the doll, so he couldn’t say anything about it. 

“Look! It could move!” Alluka put the dolls on top of the table carefully, turning the knob on the back of each doll. It suddenly walked in a circle while producing a cheerful sound that echoed each other. 

“Isn’t it cute? Nanika really loves it!” Alluka beamed, she was smiling while watching the walking dolls. 

“Yeah! It’s really cute, Alluka!” Gon encouraged the girl. 

“It’s kinda cute, I admit.” Killua cringed, “But Alluka, giving you things doesn’t justify what he has done to you.” 

The dolls now stopped moving, waiting for the knobs to be turned again, but Alluka looked at his brother with big eyes, “He did apologize, Killu-nii.” 

“Illu-nii visited me a couple of times, and he never called me an ‘it’ anymore.” Alluka explained, now more subdued, “He also spent time with me whenever he could. It was fun. He is not as talkative as you or Gon-kun, but he taught me a better table manner to drink tea.” 

“But still…” Killua sighed. 

“He apologized every time he visited me. And sometimes he looked so sad… I don’t like it when the people I care about look sad.” Alluka proceeded. Her face was now gloomy, and Killua always felt bad whenever his sister felt sad. 

“Big bro also said that when the time comes, I won’t be staying here anymore. He promised that I would live in another house and I can go anywhere I can, and I can decorate my room just like I wanted.” Alluka continued. 

“He said that?” It was now Gon that frowned. 

Killua raised his brows. Illumi Zoldyck might be a twister of his words, but Alluka’s words sounded sincere and even though their oldest brother was a manipulator, he never lied. Though Killua still couldn’t make out what Alluka said about living in another house. Did that mean he would move her to another place? Was it better or worse? But Illumi did intend to reconcile with both of them. Not to mention that he apologized to Alluka every time he visited their sister. 

“Yes! He said that the condition that I lived in right now is not good for me. Not that I complain, though. I could play all day long here even though sometimes it’s kinda lonely.” Alluka said to Gon. 

“Then… Is it okay for me to help him, Alluka?” Killua asked, finally. The reason he also went to Alluka’s room first was to ask her permission. If he decided to help his older brother without telling his sister, he felt like betraying her. 

“Of course! I want everyone to be happy.” Alluka nodded and once again Killua’s heart melted. She was too pure for this world. 

* * *

“Good to see you around, brat.” Milluki greeted him not long after Killua and Gon entered his room. 

“The feeling’s mutual,” Killua replied while looking at the pile of trash surrounding his brother.  _ He never changed.  _

“You brought your friend here, yeah? Must be nice.” Milluki jerked his head toward Gon and the latter nodded, stretched out his palm, “Gon Freeccs. I think I never officially introduced myself to you.” 

The second eldest just waved his hand, turning his eyes toward his monitor, “Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You’re my mother’s nightmare.” 

“Hey, are you sure you want to help Illumi? ‘Cause I think you're still on our parents’ side and still a piece of shit.” Killua interrogated. 

“I’m not on their side, asshole. I just don’t like you and your friend here. So if you could make this quick,  _ please.”  _ Milluki rolled his eyes. He then stood up, walked toward the end of his room and pulled a roll of paper. He spread it out on the floor. 

“So. Tell me what Kalluto explained to you.” Milluki ordered arrogantly.

“Do you know father’s private chamber?” Killua began with a question. 

“Yes. It is impossible to enter. If that is Illumi and Hisoka’s plan, then stop right here. It won’t work. We don’t even know where the hell that chamber is located.” Milluki replied quickly. 

“It is impossible to enter because we have never been there.” Killua cut him. 

Milluki’s brows knitted, but signalling the younger to continue. 

“Illumi had entered the chamber when he was a kid. He remembered exactly where it was, the passage to enter it, and what kind of securities that it has.” Killua crossed his arms. 

“Holy shit.” Milluki’s mouth was opened wide. 

“Holy shit indeed.” Killua agreed.

“Here. Let me help you with something,” Gon suddenly spoke while crawling toward the blueprint. He held a pen and drew a parallel line beside a closed section on Kikyo and Silva’s bedroom. 

Killua nodded, “The passage through the chamber was behind a bookshelf on the right side of the wall. Illumi said that you have to pull the green book on top of the shelf to open the passage.”

“Why does it sound like a cheap spy movie?” Milluki commented and the white-haired boy along with his friend snickered. 

“I know right. I never thought our parents would be this tacky. Anyway, the passage is simple, you just have to follow the road and at the end of it, there would be a door, miraculously unlocked, and that is the private chamber.” Killua continued. 

“The only security system is the cameras that were placed on the entire passage.” Gon added the information while adding circles on top of the parallel lines that he drew earlier. 

“Illumi said that you could handle it.” Said the younger sibling. 

“Yeah, that’s gonna be a problem.” Milluki scratched his chin, thinking hard, “I’ve checked the security system’s software. I’ve surfed it, but I never found the way to enter that area. I couldn’t even access our parent’s bedroom hallway. I think they use a different system.” 

“Hm. How many servers are there?” Killua asked. 

“I’m not sure, probably thirty,” Milluki answered. He stood up, walked toward his computer and opened the software, “It’s thirty-four.” 

Both of the younger kids stood behind him, eyes planted on the screen. Suddenly Killua pointed his finger to the screen, “What about those six?” 

Milluki squinted his eyes, his mouse darted toward the part that Killua pointed. It was black. 

“It’s an empty spot. Probably for backup.” Milluki answered. 

“Can you go back?” Gon asked and Milluki nodded. 

“Chrollo said that we must observe carefully what lies in front of us. Sometimes, it is displayed explicitly, but we’re too focused on finding things that lie behind us.” Gon commented, “Can you move your cursor around the box?” 

“Sure.” 

“Wait what is that?” Killua interjected after his brother carefully moved his cursor, slowly scanned his screen. The cursor was now pointing at a lock logo, something that didn't exist on the first until the thirty-third server. 

“I’m not sure,” Milluki admitted and he clicked on it. A box appeared on his screen. 

**USE PIN TO GRANT ACCESS: … (1x)**

“Wow. What the hell?” Milluki snorted. 

“Do you have any ideas on what the password could’ve been?” Killua asked.

“How the hell am I supposed to know, dude? It’s a six-digit code. It has one million possible combinations.” Milluki scoffed. 

“What about one to six? Old people tend to use simple passcode.” Gon suggested and both of the Zoldycks rolled their eyes. 

“They’re Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck, Gon,” Killua replied.

“Oh. You’re right.” Gon looked sheepish. 

“What about mother’s birthday?” Milluki suggested. 

“No. That would be too obvious.” Killua responded, “Father was a proud man. I think he would use a password of combination from something that he’s most proud of.” 

“You’re right…” Milluki agreed, “What about the day he became the head of the family?” 

“That could be it.” Killua nodded. 

“I don’t think that’s it.” Said Gon, earning glances from the Zoldycks.

“Your father is a proud man, yeah,” Gon continued, “But he’s also a father.” 

“Which means?” Killua asked, didn’t get his point. 

“Killua, if a man becomes a father, being the head of the family wouldn’t be his greatest achievement. Sure, it is a great thing, but it is nothing compared to the joy of having children.” Gon explained. 

“He’s got a point. Especially if you’re a Zoldyck, you need heirs to continue your bloodline. Which means the password is one of his children’s birthday” Milluki agreed with Gon, for once in his lifetime. 

“It wouldn’t be Illumi’s. They disowned him. Aniki, no offense, it wouldn’t be yours, too.” Killua commented. 

“None taken. I’m the least talented out of all Zoldycks. It wouldn’t be Kalluto’s either. He’s a little rascal. It wouldn’t be Alluka’s too because they don’t even consider her as a person.” Milluki answered. 

“Which means it would be… Killua’s!” Said Gon enthusiastically. 

“But I’m a rebel. I don’t obey him, remember? I’m basically a pain in the ass.” Killua reminded them. 

“But you’re his heir, Kill. We can’t deny your importance here. As long as you’re alive, you’re his most prized possession.” Milluki explained. 

“Fine. Shall we try, then?” Killua sighed. 

“Yeah. Here goes nothing.” Milluki typed Killua’s birthday quickly and counted until three to press enter. 

“It worked!” Gon yelled. He raised his hand to give Killua a high five. 

“Damn… So this is what it looks like.” Said Milluki, amazed by the view in front of him. It was not particularly an intriguing view per se, but it was his first time looking at his parents’ hall and private chamber view. He couldn’t believe that one day he would see this. 

“Yeah. The rest of the system is the same, right?” Killua asked and Milluki nodded. 

“Okay, then. The only thing that we need to do now is to obtain our parents, Zeno, and Maha’s schedules. When will they leave the house, for how long, and where are they going so that we could find the perfect time to take the cure. The most important thing is to take as least lives as possible. You can do that, right?” Killua asked his brother again. 

“Sure. Give me three days. I will send the data to Hisoka.” Milluki confirmed. 

“Okay, then. If there’s nothing more, I think we can end this meeting.” Said Killua. 

“Alright. See you soon, brat.” Milluki smirked, but before Killua could leave the house, he cut him, “Wait! Why would you suddenly decide to help Illu-nii? I thought you hate him.” 

Killua sighed at the question, “I don’t hate him. I hate the things he did. But he apologized.” 

“He did?” Milluki widened his eyes. 

“Yeah. Surprising, right?” Killua placed his hands on the back of his head, “He also apologized to Alluka, and he looked sincere, so… Here we are.” 

“I see.” 

“What about you? Aren’t you momma’s little boy?” Killua teased. 

“Asshole!” Milluki frowned, “It’s not like that.” 

Killua raised one of his eyebrows. 

“What they did is… Unethical. Of course, if you look from outsiders’ view, everything that they did is unethical. But leaving Illu-nii to die slowly and painfully… That’s just immoral. Besides, I want my old brother back.” 

“Your old brother?” Gon pursed his lips. 

“You must’ve thought that Illumi was fun when you’re a little boy, right?” Milluki asked his brother, instead of answering Gon’s question.

Killua only nodded. 

“You’re wrong. I know that when you were a kid, you thought that he was a fun guy. But it’s more than that. He was much, much livelier before you were born. He wasn’t as talkative as you are, but he still had sparks in his eyes. When there were just the two of us, he’s the best brother I could ask for, even though I showed no sign of improving, he still helped me, protected me.” 

“What happened then?” Killua dared to ask. 

“Something happened just a month before you were born. And it changed everything.” The older answered, “You should’ve seen his condition, Kill. It was so miserable, I couldn’t erase it from my mind.” 

“After that, it seemed like his soul had left him. He’s nothing but a shell. But Father didn’t care. He forced him to train, even though his mental condition was fucked up. Not to mention the additional burden of taking care of me and the newborn you. Alluka was born the next year, followed by Kalluto. He didn’t have the time to rest. He became Father’s perfect marionette.” Milluki explained, his expression solemn, his fingers playing with one of his figurines, a sign that he’s nervous. 

“What exactly happened to Aniki?” Killua asked once more. Milluki never answered his question. 

“...I think it’s not my place to tell you. You should ask Illu-nii by yourself.” 

“I see.” Killua ducked his head.  _ What could Illumi possibly hide from him? _

“The point is… He helped me. And I want to return the favour. He protected me enough and it’s time for me to do the same.” Milluki stated, and both of the younger boys nodded. 

* * *

Illumi fell down. 

He neither tripped on his own leg nor on other objects. His body just lost its balance. 

“Illu-nii! Are you alright?” Kalluto, who was now in charge of taking care of him rushed toward him, panicking. 

“I’m alright, I’m alright.” Illumi stood up carefully. 

“Should I call Hisoka?” Kalluto suggested and the older shook his head, “Don’t. I just fell down, Kalluto.” 

“You fell down out of nothing.” Kalluto disapproved. 

“Shush. I’m just tired.” Illumi denied. 

“You have just woken up half an hour ago and had finished breakfast a couple of minutes ago. You’re not tired.” Kalluto pointed. 

“I’m sick, Kalluto. I’m tired all the time.” Illumi sighed, putting his fingers on both sides of his temples to massage them. He was now having a headache, either from his conversation with Kalluto or his medical condition, he didn’t know. 

“You’re really stubborn. Has anyone ever told you that?” Kalluto scoffed. 

“Wow. You should make a team with Hisoka. You both said the same thing to me.” Illumi rolled his eyes, now walking toward the living room to sit on the couch. What was the difference that Hisoka could make anyway? Calling the medic team? He knew that it was no use if they didn’t get the cure. 

“Because it’s the truth.” Kalluto imitated his brother, now rolling his eyes, but he obeyed. He sat beside his brother and took the television remote to turn it on before Illumi’s phone rang. 

The assassin picked it up quickly after he looked at the dialer.  _ Milluki.  _

“Hello, Milluki.” Illumi greeted. 

_ “We have a problem, Illu-nii! I’m so sorry!”  _ Milluki’s frightened voice could be heard from the other side. Kalluto was instantly alerted. 

“Calm down, Milluki. What is it?” Illumi replied in a stern voice. 

_ “Killua came to me to explain your plan because Kalluto asked him to. We managed to breach the chamber’s security system and we’ve discussed the plan.”  _ Milluki started.

“KIllua came?” Illumi asked, surprised. 

_ “Yes. He’s gone now. A couple of hours after he and Gon left, Maha grandpa came to my room and he said that he listened to each of our conversations!”  _ Milluki confessed, getting more panic each second. 

“He did what?!” Kalluto snarled.

_ “I’m sorry! I should’ve been more careful! He asked about the plan and he asked about you, Illu-nii!”  _ Milluki sounded like he was on a brink of crying. 

“Milluki, what did you tell him, then?” Illumi asked slowly. 

_ “I’m so scared, Illu-nii! I’m so sorry. I said that you’re with Hisoka. I didn’t tell him where you are, though.”  _ Milluki replied. 

“Oh my god, Nii-san! What the hell!” Kalluto groaned and Illumi shushed him, “Kalluto. Call Hisoka right now.” 

“Hisoka, Illu-nii fell down earlier.” Said Kalluto to his phone, already calling the magician even before Illumi asked him to. 

Illumi rolled his eyes and glared at his youngest brother. 

“And we have a problem. Grandpa Maha knows about our plan.” He continued. 

Illumi sighed. Maha Zoldyck had lived a long life. He was a powerful man, no matter how old he was right now. Even if Milluki didn’t tell him his whereabouts, Maha could find him easily. He had the whole world’s connections. It was the end of Illumi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having fun writing this one ehehehehe :D  
> I have a cousin, she's around Alluka's age (she's nine but she's already in fifth grade--and yes she's smart). Anyways, she's so cheerful and I love playing with her. She's supposed to visit me this year but because of covid, we have to postpone it so I kinda sad :(
> 
> I'm sorry I really rambling in this note buTTTT
> 
> What do you think of this chapter??
> 
> Give your opinion in the comment section! I appreciate it! <3


	8. Maha Zoldyck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maha Zoldyck came to Hisoka's penthouse. Both the assassin and magician waited impatiently for him. Though in the end, they did not expect their meeting would turned out like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! 
> 
> To be honest, this is the worst christmas that I've ever had in my life. Not because 2020 is generally the worst year ever, but there is a personal matter that happened to my life, exactly on christmas' eve.  
> I was drained for these past days, but since I could distract myself by writing, I present to you my latest chapter. 
> 
> I hope that I could give you joy by updating. My christmas is ruined, but at least I could do something that makes people happy :)

“Give me a really good reason not to skin your brother alive.” Hisoka gave Illumi and Kalluto a tight-lipped smile. 

He was pissed. Up until yesterday, their plan was going smoothly. Chrollo and his troupe agreed to help them, Kalluto even informed him that Killua decided to help them, Milluki had managed to work on Zoldyck's private chamber security system. 

“To be frank Hisoka, if I was in the same position as he was, I would probably do the same.” Illumi defended his brother while holding a big bowl on his lap. The assassin pissed him off too. If Kalluto didn’t inform him that Illumi fell down earlier, he wouldn’t have known that Illumi wasn’t well. His nausea didn’t come and go, rather it was always there, but Illumi restrained himself to be honest with him or his medic team about his condition. Hence, he had a huge nausea storm and threw all of his lunch up. 

“You would snitch on your own dying brother?” Hisoka narrowed his eyes. 

“It’s Maha that we’re talking about. That old man has lived and been an infamous assassin for almost a century. Give Milluki some slack. He never went through the same extensive training as his other siblings.” Illumi closed his eyes. 

Hisoka sighed, plopped himself onto the couch beside Illumi, “Well, how good is your relationship with your great-great-grandfather?” 

“I respect him. He never resented me or anything, he used to mentor me when I was a kid.” Illumi thought, “Though my family always puts family’s matter first, so if he comes to finish my parents’ intention, I won’t be surprised.” Said Illumi pessimistically. 

“Yeah, that won’t happen. I’ll kill him before he has the chance to touch you.” Hisoka bared his teeth. 

Maha Zoldyck came a day after Milluki told him the situation. He was an old man, his stature had gotten smaller as he grew older. Despite his age, he held himself high with pride, a result of carrying a burden as a Zoldyck. He wore an olive jacket and shorts, with a pair of sandals. One could mistake this elderly as a beggar, but with one sharp look and an authoritative voice asking for Hisoka Morrow’s room number, the receptionist on Heavens Arena obeyed him and dialled the penthouse owner about his guest. 

“What a good residence you have here, Mr. Morrow.” Said Maha when he entered the magician’s place. His eyes darted toward the living room until planted on his great-great-grandson who sat on the couch, his hands were folded neatly on his thigh. He had a bowl on his right that Maha couldn’t figure out what to use for. 

“Good morning, Grandpa.” Illumi started and Maha stared at him.

No parents should have to bury their child. But Maha was a man who got hit with an unfortunate event in his life when his son passed away before him in a tragic accident. But he had been blessed with long life, a virtuous life that gave him a chance to see his great-great-grandchildren being born. And he cherished every moment of it. 

Maha was there when Silva’s first child was born. Illumi’s black eyes resembled his mother, his black hair was thick, even when he was a newborn. He was one of the joys in his life. Illumi was a quiet child. An obedient one who didn’t question every action that his father did. He was extremely loyal to the point that people often took advantage of him. He endured his parents’ training and his tutors’ lectures that he had grown to be a powerful, deadly young man. 

But this young man in front of him didn’t look deadly or powerful at all. He looked sickly pale, the only colour of his skin was the flush on his cheek, an indication of high fever. He looked frail, thinner than he remembered, and he had huge eyebags on both of his eyes. 

“You cut your hair.” Maha greeted.

“Not really my choice,” Illumi replied and he nodded, giving him a knowing look. 

“Mr. Morrow, can I speak to my grandson alone?” Maha asked the penthouse owner. Hisoka was a peculiar man, but the way he stared at his grandson was something that he couldn’t put his finger into. 

“Unfortunately no, old man. Whatever you want to say to our dear Illumi here, you could say it in front of me. We’re a package.” Hisoka replied and Maha sighed.

“Do you trust him, Illumi?” He asked. 

“With my whole life.” The assassin answered without hesitation. Though his answer made Hisoka raise his eyebrows softly. 

Maha gave him a small smile, “Alright, then.” He was glad that his grandson had found someone he could trust. He was afraid that Illumi had completely listened to his father’s doctrine, and ended up being alone. 

“I’ve heard what you’ve been through for these couple of weeks,” Maha started, “And I’ve accidentally eavesdropped on your brothers’ conversation about what all of you would do.” 

“And?” Illumi asked. 

“I give you my blessing on whatever you want to do to get your cure, my child.” Maha continued. He could see the surprised face that Illumi made after he said that statement. 

“W-What?” Illumi stammered. 

“But I’m sorry, I couldn’t help you. I love my grandsons too much for that.” Maha continued. 

“Hold on a second,” Hisoka commented, now walking toward his grandson, sitting beside him, “Why would you do this? I thought you’re a Zoldyck?” 

Maha only gave him a knowing smile before he spoke, “Illumi, your father and grandfather might have not felt it yet, but when Zoldycks get older, we would feel regrets, remorse. And it hits us really hard. We use violence to solve everything, even simple matters like your position in the family. We banish our weak siblings, kill our strong siblings, punish our children, all of it ends up in violence, but we sugarcoat it with beliefs such as _‘Zoldycks don’t need friends’_ or _‘This is the best’_ for the benefits of our family. That is not what families do.”

“When I eliminated my siblings, I felt proud. I was overjoyed by the thoughts of being the strongest, the heir, the one who will continue the Zoldyck blood. But now when I achieved all of the fame, wealth, and respect from around the world, I feel like I lacked something. There is an empty space in my heart that I couldn’t even explain. And that’s when I felt it all. The regrets. The sorrow of having everything, but nothing at the same time. But that feeling came too late.”

“I couldn’t do anything to Zeno and Silva because they had done the same. But you, Milluki, Killua, and all of your siblings still have the chance. That’s why I encouraged Killua to be more expressive, to do what he actually wants. And I can feel it, there is something different in you and your siblings compared to our generations before.” Maha stood up, walked toward his great-great-grandson. Illumi only stared at him with big black eyes while Hisoka carefully eyed the old man, in his stances just in case Maha suddenly attacked them. 

Maha put his wrinkled palm on top of Illumi’s, “All of you have a good heart. Especially you, Illumi. I don’t know where did all of you gain that, since your father is a Zoldyck and your mother herself is a maleficent lady. But I want you to realize your own worth. I want all of you to have a chance of normal lives, no matter how late it is. I might not be able to help you due to my selfish, fragile heart, but I wish you the best, and I will pray for you.” 

Maybe it was the moral support from Maha, maybe it was his own nerve, or maybe it was his own sickness, but Illumi stopped thinking. He felt a surge of emotion flowing inside him and he just sat there, eyes blank and mouth parted. The next thing he knew was his hand rushed toward his bowl, suddenly nauseous, and vomited. Both Maha and Hisoka rubbed his back as he spitted, and Hisoka offered him a glass of water. 

His head was pounding now, he felt like someone punched him on his head over and over, and he closed his eyes while gripping his bowl tightly. 

“Do you want to move to your room?” Hisoka asked in which Illumi nodded. 

The magician lifted him up, while his great-great-grandfather trotted behind them.

They were in Hisoka’s room right now, and Hisoka put Illumi on top of his bed and spread his comforter on top of his legs. Maha was still there and the assassin stared at him, “Do you mean what you said earlier, grandpa?” Illumi asked with a soft voice. 

Maha walked toward his side and smiled. He took Illumi’s hand again, “Of course, my dear boy. I’ve seen you grow, and I know you have the fighting spirit inside you, even though your parents didn’t believe in you at all.” 

“Thank you, grandpa.” Illumi nodded. 

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, Illumi. I only stated what a family should do.” Said Maha fondly, “Alright, I think my time here is up. I see that you need a lot of rest, so I wouldn’t bother you again.”

“Perhaps you could join us for dinner?” Hisoka asked behind him, feeling grateful that Maha’s visit took a positive turn. 

“I’m afraid I need to reject your offer for now, Mr. Morrow. I have to visit my friend.” Maha chuckled and stood slowly. He gave Illumi one last glance, “I really hope you’ll heal, Illumi.” 

After Maha left the room, he eventually left the penthouse without the help of Hisoka. The magician glanced toward the assassin who still sat on the bed with raised eyebrows, “That was… Surprising.” 

“Yeah. It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. But it’s a good thing, right?” Illumi asked. 

“Of course. Now we can cross Maha from the enemy list.” Hisoka chuckled, “It certainly reminds me of that one mission in Black Whale. Maha looks like someone we met on the fruit stall.” 

“In what?” Illumi asked, confused. 

“Inside the ship? That one mission when a lady hired you to kill his cheating husband and asked you to make it look like a health condition?” Hisoka explained, “I remembered that you liked the strawberry so much you asked for a second plate.” 

“I don’t remember having a mission on Black Whale?” Illumi stated, now getting more confused. 

“What? Did you forget?” Hisoka narrowed his eyes. Illumi always remembered every single one of his missions. Either it was a simple task such as family affairs, or a big mission such as the assassination of parliament members. Especially if something interesting happened in the process. 

“I don’t know, Hisoka. I’m tired. Can I sleep now?” Illumi waved his hand, not really in the mood for thinking and Hisoka nodded. Maybe he was just tired. 

* * *

Killua and Gon visited Hisoka’s penthouse later that day, claiming they wanted to swim. Hisoka being Hisoka, of course, allowed them. Who would reject highly potential boys to visit their house? Besides, he could have some company beside Illumi. While the assassin's calm presence was relaxing, the penthouse could be very quiet sometimes for someone as bold as him. Gon’s energetic persona with Killua who always gets annoyed at his antics slightly elevated Hisoka’s mood. 

“Thank you for allowing us to swim, Hisoka!” Gon cheered while running toward the pool with Killua staring at him with disdain, “Be careful, dumbass!” 

“You’re welcome, Gon~” Hisoka yelled seductively, earning a rolled eyes from Killua. He knew that Hisoka now just flirted out of habit, and it was meant for teasing, but Killua still couldn’t get used to it. He used to grow up in a serious environment that he couldn’t differentiate between jokes and serious conversations.

“What do you guys want for dinner?” Illumi asked before Killua followed his friend.

“Can we have cold soba? I’m sure Gon would eat anything that served in front of him.” Killua asked and Illumi nodded.

Hisoka was glad that Illumi’s relationship with his brother was starting to get better, as Killua didn’t look at him with hatred in his eyes anymore. Even though he could still sense the awkwardness in Killua’s tone, and the stiff posture when he talked with his brother, he could also sense a small amount of trust there. _It was a good start._

Despite his joy looking at the improvement between the assassin and his brother, Hisoka couldn’t hide the fact that he grew worrisome toward his fiancé’s condition. Since the appearance of the first symptoms, which was the vomit, the others had gradually appeared. His balance had already been affected, he felt weak almost all the time, and Illumi had dazed and confused for several times today. 

“What to do, what to do…” Illumi mumbled while busily opening the kitchen shelves. 

“Dear, that’s ramen that you are holding,” Hisoka commented. He was now sitting on the chair on the kitchen island. 

“Oh?” Illumi looked at him and averted his gaze toward the thing that he was holding, “Oops. My bad.” 

It happened a couple of times in the span of a very short time that Hisoka considered calling his medic team. He got confused with mirin and sake– _who the fuck did that–_ which made Hisoka instantly yelped at him, resulting a good sake spilt on top of the counter. He almost left the soba to overcook and had a long time thinking about the next step. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” Hisoka commented, for the safety of the assassin.

“No. Remember the last time you did something in the kitchen, you got the whole arena evacuated because of the fire that you started.” Illumi instantly answered and he sighed. 

“You seem out of it, no offense.” Hisoka shrugged.

“It’s been a long time since I cooked cold soba, moron. Give me a break.” Illumi rolled his eyes. 

“I know. But almost dumping half a cup of sake because you thought it was mirin? Even an amateur could read the label, love.” Hisoka grumbled. 

“Shush. You only said this because that’s an expensive sake and I’ve wasted it.”

“Let me help.” Hisoka insisted.

“No.” 

“Oh, come on~” Hisoka whined. 

“Is the soba ready yet?” The sudden cheerful voice of Gon startled both of the adults. Gon stood beside Killua, both of them only using a pair of swimming trunks, respectively, while Killua had a white towel draped on top of his head. 

“Guys, you’re dripping water all over the room!” Illumi nagged.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Said Gon, albeit his face was far from sorry. 

“It’s okay~” Hisoka answered. Logically, he was the owner of the house, so if he was fine with it, there was no problem at all. 

“I’m not okay with that.” Illumi clicked his tongue while rinsing the soba and dumped it on the ice water. 

“This is my house.” Hisoka chuckled. 

“Yes. But I currently live here and I do not tolerate anything gross.” Illumi crossed his arms. 

“Fine, fine. We’re sorry. We’ll clean the mess.” Killua huffed annoyedly, “But is the soba ready?” 

“Not yet. I still have to cut the green onion. It’s still 5 pm anyway. What’s the rush?” Illumi replied.

“We’re _starving, duh,_ ” Killua answered. 

“Well, it’s not my fault that you both decided to swim for more than three hours without break.” Illumi glared at his younger brother and his friend, “Clean and dry yourself first, and maybe after that the soba will be read–” Illumi stopped suddenly. 

“Aniki?” Killua called, but he could see that his brother’s whole body was now convulsing, and he didn’t reply to Hisoka’s calling. 

“Shit! He’s having a seizure!” Hisoka cursed. He stood up from his chair and rushed toward the now fallen assassin, not before he threw his phone toward Gon and ordered him to call his medic team. 

Killua was also rushing toward his brother, as gentle as he could, helping Hisoka lower his brother’s body to the ground so that he couldn’t injure himself more, “What do we do?” 

“I don’t know! I never really have an experience of handling someone who has a seizure!” Hisoka replied in a panic voice while holding Illumi’s head on top of his thigh. The said assassin was still jerking violently, not aware of the people surrounding him. 

“Illumi. Illumi! Can you hear me?!” Hisoka not so gently tried to call him, but it was no luck as Illumi didn’t give any response indicating that he was lucid. 

“Hello. Um… This is Gon Freecss calling from Hiso–” 

“Cut the formalities, Freecss!” Hisoka snarled and Gon’s eyes widened and he nodded instantly. An angry Hisoka was dangerous. A panicked, angry, surname-calling Hisoka was even more dangerous.

“Illumi was having a seizure with no reason! What should we do?!” Gon rushed and he put the call on speaker after listening to what the doctor said for a couple of seconds. 

“Hisoka, can you hear me?” The doctor from the side of the line asked while Gon put the phone near him. 

“Yes, I can! Now, what the fuck should I do?!” 

“Okay. Listen, first of all, do not panic. If you’re panicking, you're only making his condition worse.” The doctor explained and Hisoka nodded, trying to calm himself, “Okay, okay.” 

“Good. Now, do you see anything sharp near him? Remove anything that might injure him. Scissors, knives, needles, any sharp objects.” The doctor asked and Killua spotted the knife that Illumi held earlier near his head and tossed it toward the sink. 

“Done.” 

“Okay. I know that it’s hard to watch him convulsing uncontrollably, but do not try to stop him or to hold him in place. _I_ repeat _, do not_ try to hold him. You’ll only cause him harm if you do that.” The doctor continued and they obeyed. 

“Great. Now place him on his side to clear his airway. Do it gently. If you have someone to help you, ask for their help.” 

“Okay. Killua, help me move him.” Hisoka commanded and Killua nodded, carefully holding his brother’s thighs so that Hisoka could move him. 

“An average seizure lasts for about thirty seconds to two minutes. It’s frightening, yes. But what we can do now is wait until the seizure stops. Don’t put anything on his mouth or hold his tongue. I’m on my way there so you don’t have to worry. If it helps, I won’t end this call until you’re sure that he’s safe.” Said the doctor with a calm voice, hoping that his calm demeanour would make Hisoka stay calm. 

“Okay, okay,” Hisoka replied while waiting for the ebony head to stop convulsing. 

After a couple of agonizing seconds that felt like hours, Illumi’s body slowly calmed. He was breathing, so it was a good thing, but he was barely conscious. He didn’t say anything to the pink-head nor his brother, only an occasional groan as he shifted himself to find a better position.

“His seizure has stopped,” Hisoka informed the doctor.

“Good, good. He’s breathing, right?” 

“Yes. But he seems out of it.” Hisoka answered. 

“It’s alright. It must’ve taken a toll on his weak body. You could move him to his bed so he can rest properly.” The doctor suggested and Hisoka nodded, lifting his fiancé up, carrying him to his bed while Killua and Gon throttled behind him. Gon was still holding the magician’s phone, the doctor was still connected on the other side. 

“Should we give him something to drink? He’s exhausted.” Gon prompted. 

“No, no, no. Unless he’s fully alert and aware, you should now give him food or drink. There’s a possibility that he would choke.” The doctor replied instantly, which made Gon scratch his head in shame. 

“Oh. Okay.” Gon answered sheepishly. 

Not even ten minutes later, Hisoka’s front door dinged, implying that someone came to visit him. Since Hisoka wouldn’t leave Illumi’s side, Killua was the one in charge to open it, revealing the doctor with his usual pristine white coat. 

As soon as Killua brought the doctor to Illumi’s room, he greeted Hisoka and directly examined his patient. Illumi was semi-conscious, sometimes mumbling incoherent words and complaining to Hisoka about the doctor who observed him. He looked distressed as if he didn’t want to be touched and even went as far as pushing the doctor’s hand. 

Even though the doctor hid it well, Killua could see the strained look on the doctor’s face as he carefully checked his brother. Hisoka was tapping his foot, not even trying to hide his anxiousness, his eyes gave a slight wince whenever Illumi whimpered as the doctor touched him. Killua also saw a subtle shift in the doctor’s expression when Hisoka listed any new symptoms that the assassin had. Even the cheerful Gon was quiet, unable to lift up the mood. 

“Can I speak to you in private, Hisoka?” The doctor asked and the magician nodded, both of them left the room not before Hisoka asked him to watch his brother. 

“Hisoka, I’m gonna be frank with you because I know that you could handle my bluntness, unlike my other normal patients. I’m afraid that we don’t have much time left. His body was showing early signs of deteriorating as the symptoms appeared rapidly, faster than I thought. A seizure is the last symptom, as well as the most severe one. So if you could find the cure quicker than our team, it would be great.” The doctor started after he was sure that the two kids couldn’t hear them.

“How much time does he have left?” The magician asked while crossing his arm. 

“I couldn’t give you an exact answer because it’s a new disease, but since the parasite invested in the brain, and you said that he was having memory loss, balance trouble, and confusion, I suggest that you give him the cure this week because the cure itself will take a long time to heal his body.” The doctor explained. 

“What about your team? Do you have any progress on finding it?” 

“Unfortunately, no. We’re stuck. Even if we make progress, the process of finding the cure, finalizing it, testing it on animals, and testing it on humans would take a long time. Certainly not a job that could be done in a week.” The doctor sighed. 

Hisoka once again tapped his shoes and put his hand on his hip, “Alright. I’ll talk to my team about it.” 

The doctor didn’t further about what Hisoka meant by _my team_ and only nodded. Hisoka Morrow and the Zoldycks lived in a totally different world compared to him, and he wasn't really interested in what both of them do to gain what they want, even though the environment that his patient showed him until this day was not hostile, even Hisoka was friendlier than he thought. But an assassin was still an assassin, and a killer clown was still a killer clown in the end. 

* * *

Illumi woke up feeling disoriented. It was nothing new because since he obtained the parasite in his brain, this occasion happened pretty often. He didn’t even know why he even ended up in Hisoka’s bed, while the last thing he remembered clearly was him chopping the green onion and cooking cold soba. 

“Aniki, are you up?” Killua’s voice startled him. He was now covered in a black sweater and jeans, clean and dry. 

“How long did I pass out?” Illumi asked. 

“It’s ten now, you’re not really conscious since five,” Killua answered. 

“What? What happened?” Illumi widened his already big eyes. 

“You were having a seizure. Do you seriously don’t remember anything at all?” 

“No. I feel discomfort, but I don’t remember.” Illumi muttered. 

They both fell silent for a moment until Illumi gasped, “Have you eaten? That cold soba isn’t ready yet.” 

“Relax. Machi is here. She continued your cooking so we already had our dinner.” Killua ceased him. 

“Machi is here?” Illumi asked, with a hint of suspiciousness. 

“Yeah. After having the seizure, Hisoka said that he didn’t trust _‘two pre-puberty boys’_ to take care of his beloved. So he called Chrollo to send someone from the troupe that’s normal enough. Clearly not Kalluto since he was even younger than me and Gon. Machi’s in the living room, by the way. I guess she’s watching the TV with Gon. We take turns on watching you.” Killua sniffed, clearly offended by Hisoka’s words.

“You don’t really have to do that,” Illumi replied. 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to risk my life being chased by a sociopathic clown because I didn’t obey him.” Killua shrugged. 

“You know that he wouldn’t do anything to you as long as I live, right?” 

“I know, I know. But it’s no big deal anyway.” 

Both of them fell into another silence, but Illumi could feel the twitch in Killua’s body. He was sure that Killua wanted to talk about something, but hesitation stopped him. 

“Killua, I can feel you thinking. Speak up.” Illumi started bluntly, jerking his brother from his thoughts. 

“I… Uh.” The white-haired boy replied incoherently, unsure. 

Illumi waited patiently. 

“Wh–when you’re semi-conscious… You were… Um. You said things that don't make sense? Does that make sense?” Killua started and Illumi couldn’t resist the urge to chuckle. His brother was funny when he couldn’t form a proper sentence when he was nervous.

“You can go straight to the point, Kil.” 

“Uh. Okay.” Killua rubbed his head, “When the doctor examined you, you were super reluctant. You kept asking him not to touch you and you’re very distressed. After that, when Hisoka was gone, you mumbled things that... “ 

Killua bit his lower lip, “Things that are a little bit disturbing. Um… You kept saying ‘stop’ or ‘please’ and… I–you’re asking for Father’s help so I think it’s not about our training?” 

Illumi stiffened and Killua sensed that it was something that his brother didn’t want to talk about.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, though!” Killua quickly added, but Illumi shook his head, sighing as he fixed his tangled hair. 

“No, no. Go on. But I won’t promise you I’ll answer what you’ll ask.” Illumi replied. 

Killua stared at him. Part of him wanted to know– _needed to know–_ but another part of him didn’t like where this was going. He didn’t want to sound pushy, yet he felt the need to understand what his brother was going through. 

“Well… When I met Milluki two days ago, he said that something had happened to you when you’re a kid. But he didn’t tell me anything except that it changed you.” Killua stated. 

Illumi didn’t reply for a long time that Killua was sure that he wouldn’t answer. But he was fine with it. Probably it was too painful that he wasn’t ready to tell him. But Illumi suddenly gave a loud sigh, “It was when I was twelve. Milluki was eight. You’re still in Mother's womb. Father gave me a mission to assassinate one of his colleague’s enemies. It was in York New. It turns out, dealing with the target was easy. But dealing with the clients… Certainly not.” 

Killua frowned, “What do you mean?” 

Illumi didn’t give him a reply, playing with a loose thread on his sweater instead. 

“Aniki… What happened?” Killua asked again, softer this time.

“He… He took an interest in me.” Illumi said in a trembling voice and Killua’s heart gradually beat faster and harder. 

“He–he did something t-to me. I, uh. Um... It’s something that a child your age shouldn’t know.” Illumi continued, more distressed than before and Killua looked at him with horror in his eyes as soon as he connected the dots. 

“I kept begging him to stop because it _hurts_ so _bad._ But he–he didn’t want to! He–he then asked his friends to join him! It hurts and I _screamed_ until I lost my voice but no one came. ” Illumi was gasping and Killua rushed to his side, didn’t really know what to do.

“A–all of that happened because I was too _greedy_ . I know there was something odd about that man. _I knew it._ I knew that my power wasn’t enough to stop him but my pride made me think illogically, urging me to do it because I wanted to make Father _proud_.” 

“Aniki.” Killua instantly hugged him, silently hoping that his brother didn’t get more hysteric by him suddenly invading his personal space. But Illumi didn’t show any signs of rejection and Killua was glad that Illumi seemed calmer in his embrace

Now Killua knew why Illumi would take such a cruel and extreme method to control him. Inserting a needle to his brain to make sure that he would only fight someone that he was sure he could win. It wasn’t solely because he wanted to control him, but Illumi didn’t want Killua to make the same mistake as he did. 

_It was still a tyrannical thing to do, but at least now he knew the motive._

“What about Father? He… At least he took care of him, r–right?” Killua dared to ask. He knew Milluki said that Father didn’t give a shit about Illumi’s mental condition, but surely his Father would never let anyone that hurt his blood escape. _Right?_

Killua once again could feel Illumi’s tensed body at the mention of their father. 

“...He said it was my fault not being strong enough. And mother said that it was expected with my beauty and… S–she said that it should be my, um. My weapon.” 

Illumi took a shaky breath, “After watching me killing myself slowly, doing nothing because I _feel_ helpless and… _disgusting,_ Father was angry and said that it was unacceptable for me as the firstborn of Zoldyck to be weak. He–um… He started to train me with new tools. He brought someone to… Put needles through my eyes? It’s–It hurts so bad! They said that it would eliminate excess emotion and stabilized myself, but it just reminds me of the… ‘incident’ and it fucking hurts, but they didn’t care and they did it over and over… Funny thing is that it became my speciality.” 

**_What the fuck._ **

Killua couldn’t believe his ears, slowly releasing himself from his brother’s grip. His brother’s face looked pale, his lips quivered and shoulder hunched, expression carrying years of untreated wounds. It was the first time he could see Illumi looked so defeated. Miserable. _Broken._

“I’m going to fucking _kill_ them,” Killua said darkly, though his hands held his brother’s trembling ones gently. 

Illumi didn’t give any comment on that, instead, he closed his eyes, not allowing tears from his eyes to fall down, “I’m sorry.” 

“Wh–what?! This is not your fault! Our parents are assholes and you’re a victim! You shouldn’t be saying sorry!” Killua frowned. 

“No. I mean–I’m sorry that because of my own stupid fault that you couldn’t get a proper childhood that you deserve,” Illumi admitted. Killua raised his eyebrows and his brother continued, “I couldn’t live normally after that incident.” 

“I stopped eating, I stopped playing with Milluki, I ignored our parents, I just… I was just alive because my body was still able to function. I just… I want to–” Illumi released a huge sigh, “I just want to _die_.” 

“Aniki…” Killua glanced at him, biting his cheek until he could feel a tincture of metallic and saltiness inside his mouth.

“No one was able to get me out of that state. Not Milluki, not even Hisoka.” Illumi continued, wiping his cheek as he realized that a single tear had dropped on his face. 

“You’ve known Hisoka for that long?” Killua asked, surprised. 

Illumi chuckled, “Yes. He’s a little shit, you know. Even when he’s a kid. Though supposed he helped me a little. What helped me is you.” 

“When you were born with your big blue eyes and white hair, I was fascinated.” Illumi smiled fondly at his little brother, “You were a really cute baby. And something in me changed, I don’t know why. But I wanted to protect you. I want you to be the best version of yourself. I want you to grow powerful so that no one can hurt you.” 

“I don’t want you to have friends because I don’t want you to be hurt just like I was. I want you to focus on your training so that you grow strong enough, nothing can do you harm. I was _so afraid_ when you decided to turn your back against me, choosing Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika rather than me, your own blood. I couldn’t trust them. I love my little brother so much I would never trust anyone.” Illumi casted his gaze downward.

“But it seems that one should never trust a broken person’s method. For that, I’m sorry.” He finished. 

“Aniki… You’re not broken.” Killua said with such conviction and determination in his eyes that Illumi gave a small gasp. 

“You’re not broken at all. Yes, you had bad things happen to you, but you’re still here, aren’t you? You’re strong. Stronger than you believe you are. Heck, you’re one of the strongest people that I’ve ever known and that says a lot.” Killua convinced his brother. 

“And I… **_I forgive you_ **.” 

Illumi’s head snapped. 

“I might still be angry at you about it, but I forgive you. At least now I know why you did what you do.” The white-haired boy added. 

Illumi Zoldyck nodded. The heavyweight that had tightened his chest, the guilt, the remorse, now lifted and he gave Killua a small, carefree, real smile that he never showed for a long time. 

_If he died today, he would die in peace._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there are only two chapters left since I've made the draft! 
> 
> I’ve read it somewhere that Illumi’s power resembled lobotomy. And I kinda remember that Killua got his power because when he was a kid, he was electrocuted?? And so I thought.. what had Illumi been through to gain his power?? :D 
> 
> My uni gave the students like a week off so my schedule is not really tight. So I hope that I could update this fic on time! Wish me luck!
> 
> Anyway, what do you think about this chapter? Comments, prompts, critics are much appreciated! Thank you!!


	9. Losing Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi felt restless about the cure. Hisoka started talking about his past. Their mission, would it end successfully, or or vice versa?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!   
> I hope that in 2021, the world's condition will get better.   
> There are a lot of hardships that I've had in 2020, but I hope that I could learn a lesson or two and could be a better person this year. 
> 
> This is my new year present for you and I hope you like it!

Illumi was laying on his side, hugging a tangled comforter to ease his nausea while Hisoka sat in front of the dresser, removing his makeup carefully. They had been talking with the troupe and Milluki about the Zoldycks’ schedule for two days straight, and it was decided that they would execute their mission on Saturday, where Silva and Zeno were out of town to do a mission and Kikyo would go to do her weekly shopping. 

“Can you ask the doctor something to ease my headache and nausea? Because the combination of these two is killing me slowly.” Illumi groaned. Ever since his first seizure episode three days ago, he had been having a frequent headache, nausea, and also another seizure. The doctor had given him a couple of medicines that he didn’t recognize, and  _ sure,  _ it helped, but he had to take it a couple of times per day and now he didn’t feel the effect at all. 

“Didn’t the doctor already give you?” Hisoka asked, his hand still holding makeup remover wipes. 

“Yes, but it’s not working anymore.” 

Hisoka frowned, “What do you mean it’s not working?” 

“I don’t know. Perhaps that’s what would happen if I took it more than the prescription.” Illumi shrugged. 

“Darling... Did you not follow the doctor’s instruction?” The magician narrowed his eyes. 

“Hisoka, I’ve been immune to various poisons in my life. Do you seriously think regular medicine would work on me?” Illumi sighed. One definitely not the perks of being trained as an assassin was that no normal routine would work on him. 

“I know, love. But you’re very ill. I don’t think over consuming medicine would be good for your body.” 

“Fine, fine.” Illumi shrugged, turning his back on Hisoka, but turned around again after not even a minute. Hisoka ignored him as he resumed to wipe his makeup, but the constant shuffle of the man on his bed distracted him. 

“You seem more jittery than usual. What’s up?” Hisoka asked, taking off his shirt after he finished wiping off his makeup. His toned back was exposed, and Illumi could see countless scars, faint or visible, painting his body. The assassin could also see freckles on top of his back, unique marks that Illumi didn’t know why Hisoka would go as far as using texture surprise to cover it. 

“Like what you see?” Hisoka teased after the assassin didn’t reply and felt Illumi’s gaze toward his back. He grinned when Illumi scoffed and crossed his arms. 

“I still don’t understand why you would put so much effort to cover your freckles with texture surprise.” Said Illumi suddenly after eyeing the bungee gum user. 

Hisoka froze, “Do you like my freckles?” 

“Of course.”

“Abhf–Why would you like it?” Hisoka was taken aback. 

“Why shouldn’t I like it?” Illumi’s brows furrowed. 

Hisoka didn’t instantly reply to his fiance, rather was going quiet for a few seconds until he shrugged, “I don’t know? I thought everyone hates it.” 

The magician turned his back and went straight to the bathroom before Illumi called him, “ _ Who _ is everyone?” 

Hisoka went still. 

Illumi knew that behind those overly dramatic and flamboyant complexions, Hisoka was insecure in a lot of aspects. The way he needed to look perfect even in the smallest details and in the most casual events, the way that he stared at his eyes  _ too long  _ on the mirror, the way that he hated his unique marks on his body but praise someone else when they have it, Illumi could see it. Hisoka was a proud man, yes, but he was far from knowing his own worth.  _ Not his power’s worth,  _ but his  _ own,  _ Hisoka’s, worth. 

_ That was why he put those confident  _ _ façade _ _ , using an arrogant tone to greet anyone, and even thirst for validation.  _

“Hisoka,” Illumi started when the other didn’t reply, “I don’t want to sound nagging and pushy,” 

“But you need to know.” Hisoka finished his sentence. 

Illumi nodded and Hisoka gave a loud sigh and threw himself on the bed beside him. 

“It’s not that I’m being envious because you know all about me while I know nothing about you. But I’ve known you since I was a kid, we even have labels right now–to my horror–but I don’t really  _ know  _ you.” Illumi moved himself to find a better position so that he could sit comfortably. 

“Love, you know me the most. You know that.” Hisoka replied and Illumi stared at him flatly.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Said Illumi shortly. Hisoka sighed once again and the assassin felt bad because he didn’t want to force him to tell him everything if he didn’t fully want to, “But if you’re not ready then it’s o–”

“No, no. It’s alright. You’ll find out sooner or later, anyway.” Hisoka waved his hand. 

The pink-haired man looked at the ceiling before he started as if he was trying to arrange the story that he wanted to tell, “My mom is a trapezist.  _ Was.  _ I don’t know.” 

Illumi stared at him.

“She had me, unplanned, because she had a fling with an acrobat in the same circus where she worked. Turns out that the acrobat didn’t want to take responsibility and run away, but not before he stole my mother’s  _ and  _ the circus’ money.” 

“The manager was furious. He blamed my mother because she was the one who had a romantic relationship with him, even having his child in her belly. He thought that he ran away because he didn’t want to have my mother’s children. The manager cut her salary until it equalled the money that  _ my father  _ stole. But of course, a pregnant woman couldn’t perform as a trapezist so she took a time off and did heavy work behind the stage. To put it simply, she became a slave for nine months.” 

“Why didn’t she leave?” Illumi asked. 

“Where in the world would someone hire a pregnant unmarried woman whose past job is a circus performer?” Hisoka asked and the assassin stayed quiet. 

He continued, “Long story short, I was born and my mom hates me because apparently, I’m a carbon copy of my father with my golden eyes and ginger hair, bla bla bla… She went straight to work to gain money after her debt paid off–for herself of course–she didn’t give a shit about me. Work, drink, sex. That was what she always did. I believe the juggler and the snake charmer raised me more than my mother, but it’s not like they’re good at raising a child. The circus is not like a fancy one where you buy expensive tickets to watch the show. It’s literally filled with scums that had nowhere else to go, with minimum skills and only performed to a low-class audience who had no enough money to pay for better entertainment. So you know what kind of people who raised me, right?” 

Illumi nodded. 

“But on the bright side, though, they taught me things that I would never obtain in a normal household.” He shrugged, “So that’s it. I’m just a circus freak with a thief father who ran away and a neglectful mother. I’m afraid I don’t have a big sob story to tell you.” Hisoka finished, leaning on his elbows. 

_ One with parents that abandoned him, one with parents that controlled him _ .  _ Is this what people said as the opposite attracts? _

“...Do you hate your freckles because of your father?” Illumi asked. 

Hisoka looked at him, bewildered, “I just told you my past, something that I never told anyone, and that’s your reaction?” 

Illumi gave him a knowing look and the magician laughed, “Unfortunately no, love. The freckles are from my mother. She said that out of all features I have that resembles hers, why it has to be the freckles. That woman told me that it doesn’t match my face and make my face uglier.”

“That’s bullshit.” Illumi snapped. 

“Whoa, calm down, Giovanna.” Hisoka snorted. 

“But it is. Your freckles are not ugly. It looks great on you.” Illumi said frankly. 

His fiancé chuckled and gave him a small thanks, unable to even give him a proper reaction. He knew that their conversation was finally lightened, as he was worried because Hisoka looked a little bit down earlier. Illumi wasn’t the expert of comforting people, with him still struggling to even express his emotion, so the assassin resorted to giving him an odd reaction that Hisoka would definitely find bizarre enough to make him laugh. 

Illumi knew that Hisoka’s past was way deeper than him being an abandoned child, and he had a feeling that Hisoka didn’t fully tell him his past, but he was grateful that Hisoka trusted him enough to tell him. After all of these years knowing Hisoka, he finally caught a glimpse of his past. He owed this man a lot, and he never paid it. The only thing he could do was return the favour, and Illumi hoped that he could still do that while he was alive. 

“Enough about me,” Hisoka’s voice took him out of his headspace, “As I said before, you seem agitated. Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

_ Ah, yes. Tomorrow.  _

“I wish that I could do something. I don’t like being helpless.” Illumi turned his face away. 

“You’re not helpless, love.” Hisoka put his hand on his head, gently ran his fingers toward the cascading black hair, “We just don’t want to take any chances regarding your health. That’s all.” 

“I know,” Illumi rolled his eyes, “But remember your promise, alright? Don’t underestimate your opponents.” 

“I won’t. A promise is a promise.” Hisoka replied sincerely. 

“By the way,” Hisoka started and Illumi raised one of his eyebrows as the man beside him put his hand on his pocket, reaching something. He put a velvet box on Illumi’s palm, “Open it.” 

The black-haired man eyed him suspiciously, but he opened it anyway. 

Illumi’s voice caught in his throat as he opened the box, eyes widened and body went still. A silver band was placed inside of the box, with a white diamond in the middle of the ring. It looked similar yet different from his previous one. 

“I know that our first engagement was only based on our mission and its agreements, but we know that it stopped being only that for a long time ago. I… Shit, I’m not good at this,” Hisoka groaned and put both of his palms on Illumi’s face gently yet firmly, “Illumi Zoldyck, I  _ fucking  _ love you, ever since I laid my eyes on you, and I want to make a new start with you and your shitty yet tolerable and funny siblings, with all of your flaws and your problems, and we’ll get through this and I swear to God that I won’t leave you, as long as you don’t leave me too. So, please marry me.” 

Illumi looked at the man in front of him with wide eyes, his lips trembled. 

Hisoka. The man who was always there even when he thought that he didn’t need him. The one who would kill for him. One who  _ stayed _ . 

And suddenly words weren’t needed because Illumi put both of his hands on Hisoka’s head and kissed him  _ hard.  _

As if time was stopped, both of them kissed until they were out of breath, leaving both of them panting while still being close to each other, and Illumi answered softly with tear streaks on his cheeks, “Ask me a million times and I would still say yes a million times.” 

Hisoka grinned and pulled out the ring, put it on Illumi’s finger.

_ Together,  _ Illumi caught a glimpse of the engraving inside the ring and he thought it was well fitted, as they didn’t need their names inside it.

_ They were together from the very beginning, and they would be together forever.  _

* * *

“Are you ready, folks?” Hisoka asked. 

The magician, Killua, Gon, as well as the Troupe members and leader were standing on top of the gate of Kukuroo Mountain, looking at the vast area displayed underneath them.

Chrollo was kind enough to tell Machi and Shizuku to assist Illumi, as it was decided that the assassin would not come to Dentora Region, to avoid the chances of getting caught by Kikyo Zoldyck and her minions. To assist him, Chrollo had brought Feitan and Phinks, as well as Nobunaga. Hisoka and Chrollo might’ve hated each other, but the magician was surprised that the spider would go to great lengths in order or help him. Or Kalluto. Or Illumi.  _ Honestly, he didn’t give two shits about it.  _

“As ready as I have ever been. You didn’t forget the sedative, right?” Replied Killua. 

“Of course not.” Hisoka scoffed while holding two needles in between his fingers. 

In the morning before their departure, Illumi had given him two of his needles to Hisoka. The latter stared at him and the needles, asking for an explanation.

_ “Mike would know that all of you sneak in. Unlike the last time when Hisoka came to rescue me, this time you bought a lot of people. Even if you tried your hardest to cover your scents, Mike would instantly acknowledge all of you.” Illumi explained.  _

_ “So this needle should’ve disarmed him? Aren’t you unable to access your nen?” Hisoka asked.  _

_ “It doesn’t need my nen. These needles are covered in strong sedative. I usually use it to make Mike calmer when it is his time for a bath. He hates water so I need to make sure that no harm is done just to give a dog a bath. One needle would make him drowsy. One would make him sleep for three hours.”  _

Hisoka quickly spotted a blob of big dark fur that looked a little bit purple-ish, almost identical to the colour that an eggplant had. The pink-haired man efficiently aimed two of the needles that Illumi gave toward the dog–Illumi gave him a lesson once on how to aim with his needles, it turned out that the lesson came out handy–and the rest of them watched Mike slowly getting drowsy and finally falling asleep. 

“That isn’t so hard, is it?” Hisoka grinned, jumping off from the wall through trees and finally landed in one part of the Zoldyck’s property area. 

Milluki gave him a soft grunt through the small device on their ears, informing them the time limit that they had.

Chrollo only gave him a quick hum, carefully inspecting the trees around them. There was something odd. The Spider couldn’t put his finger on it, but he had a bad feeling on why everything was so easy, as though there was something out there, ready to get them. 

“Hisoka. Don’t you think this was a little bit easy?” Chrollo finally opened his mouth.

The Magician just scoffed, “What the hell does that suppose to me–” 

“Well, well… Isn’t it sweet that our dear Illumi has a lot of friends to support him?” 

All of them widened their eyes and froze. 

Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck appeared in front of them out of nowhere, even Hisoka and Chrollo couldn’t sense their arrival. Silva was in his usual  _ shinobi shozoku,  _ but instead of her bustle gown, Kikyo Zoldyck wore a black kimono, her visor was gone, revealing her eyes, the right one was covered in a white membrane, the result of her early days as an assassin. Her black hair was styled into an up-do. 

It was forever since Killua looked at his mother in this style. In his childhood days, her mother only wore a kimono when she was going out doing missions. Ever since she retired from the assassin’s world, she always wore Victorian dresses and always covered her eyes. He knew that this was a bad situation. 

“Oi, Milluki! I thought we'd discussed this!” Hisoka snarled, but the second oldest didn’t give any reply, and Hisoka could only hear a static sound. 

“Are you looking for this boy?” Silva asked the Magician, and he snapped his fingers. 

One of the Zoldyck butlers appeared, holding Milluki Zoldyck in his place. Terror was plastered on his face, and Hisoka could see a bruise growing on his left cheek. 

Hisoka gritted his teeth,  _ this bastard has been siding with those two all alo– _

“Oh, no, no. I know what you’re thinking, young man.” Silva cut Hisoka’s train of thought, “He was loyal to you and Illumi until the end, but unfortunately, we’ve figured it out from the very beginning when you took away my son.” 

_ “What?”  _ It was Killua now who gave a response. 

“Milluki,” His father started, “You might’ve thought that you knew everything about our house, but you don’t. I’ve installed hidden cameras in all of your rooms. I know everything that you said to him, to Killua, to Maha, to everyone. I know that some of you thought it is a violation against privacy, but as a Zoldyck, I need to be in control of everyone in my house.” 

_ What a sick bastard.  _

Before anyone could give any reply, another butler came holding someone that made everyone freeze again. Hisoka balled both of his hands to fists, blood dripping from each torn skin cut from his nails. 

Illumi Zoldyck was tied, his mouth was gagged with a piece of cloth, face even paler than usual, making a pallor appearance. He was semi-conscious and frowning, shut his eyes firmly and Hisoka knew that he was holding pain. He was on his knees and Hisoka couldn’t figure out whether he was forced to do so or if he didn’t have any energy left. 

“Machi–” Chrollow gasped. 

“Relax, Lucilfer. Your friends are safe. We won’t kill people that don’t live up to our worth.” Silva cut him and as if it was timed, Chrollo’s phone was buzzing. 

“Are you alright?” Chrollo picked it up.

_ “Danchou! I’m sorry but it happened too fast! Illumi is cap–” _

“Tured. I know,” Chrollo interjected while looking at the assassin, “Are you both alright?” 

_ “I’m alright, just a little bit dizzy. Nothing serious. Shizuku has a small bruise but I guess it was because of the impact of her fall. Is there something wrong?”  _

“Send backups,” Chrollo replied. 

_ “I’m on it.” _

Chrollo turned his phone off with a soft click, watching the interaction between two opposite sides calmly, even though his heartbeat jumped a thousand miles per hour. He didn’t have his nen. He faced two of the most powerful assassins in this world with their cronies while Illumi and Milluki held hostage. The odds were not at all in their favour whatsoever. 

“See? It was a  _ losing game  _ from the very beginning.” Kikyo smiled dangerously. 

“Why are you doing this? He’s your  _ son! _ ” Gon yelled, but Killua elbowed him. 

“Shush!” Kikyo snapped, “I’ve had enough of you peasant, influencing my  _ precious  _ son with disgusting things!” 

“Why. Are. You. Doing. This.  _ Mother?”  _ Asked Killua, repeating his friend’s words darkly. He bowed his head, but Kikyo knew that Killua was holding off his temperament. 

“So cold!” Kikyo shuddered but gave him a huge grin, “I’m proud of you, my son!” 

“Answer the question.” 

That shut Kikyo up. 

“Well, of course I’m doing this because of you, you ungrateful brat!” Kikyo barked a completely different demeanour from a second ago. She clenched her jaw, “All of this happened because you decided to go off track and became an ungrateful, disobedient child! What should we say to our colleagues and clients, huh?! That our heir does whatever he wants to do?!” 

“W–what?” Killua stuttered. 

“Yes! Do you see now, the consequences because of your actions?! Your brother suffered because he failed to control you. He will die because of  _ you! _ ” Kikyo pointed her neatly polished finger toward the white-haired boy. 

“This has nothing to do with his rebellious behaviour. You’re just the worst parents that I’ve ever met to do something so cruel to your children.” Hisoka snapped coldly, his hand holding his cards tightly. 

“Do not interfere with my family’s business, you clown!” 

“Enough.” Silva’s thunderous voice silenced all of the heated arguments that were happening. He was now holding his firstborn, forcing him to stand even though he had to lift him up with one of his hands. 

“Despite what is now happening with Killua’s impulsive behaviour, I’m disappointed with Illumi, too. He doesn’t learn from his mistakes and he would never learn. It is useless to keep him. Killua,” Silva looked at his heir, “Let this be a lesson for you too. Your stupidity cost your brother’s life and I hope that you would learn from your mistakes, unlike your other siblings.”

“What th–” 

_ Hisoka widened his eyes.  _

Never in his twenty-eight years of life, he had a heart-stopping moment. Yes, he often went pretty near toward the end of his life, but it was something that he could control, something that he could predict. Hence, he always embraced death with open arms. 

But his heart now stopped beating and he thought that the world had silenced every noise in this earth when he looked at what a father would do to his son. 

“Aniki!” Killua yelled, ran toward his brother, but his father had thrown him toward them. 

_ It was twelve thirteen in the afternoon. The sun shone brightly when Silva Zoldyck punched a hole through Illumi’s stomach.  _

It went downhill after that. Killua screamed, the troupes charged toward the butlers, Gon was rushing toward the fallen Illumi, Chrollo ran toward Silva and Kikyo, everything went to chaos. 

But Hisoka stayed frozen in his spot, unable to move, speak, or comprehend what had just happened in front of him. His ears were ringing. 

_ Illumi got injured. Illumi got injured. His father punched a hole to his stomach. Illumi.  _ **_My Illumi._ **

“Hisoka! This is not the time to have a mental breakdown, asshole! Help my brother, dammit!” He could hear Killua screamed at him on top of his lungs, and suddenly he had all of the control of his body and he was  _ back.  _

Hisoka ran toward the fallen assassin, and he resisted himself to gag because his fiancé looked awful. Blood was pooling on the ground beneath him, he couldn’t even dare to look at his stomach. His face was contorted with excruciating pain while blood dripped from his mouth. 

“Stay with me, okay? Illumi, stay with me.” Hisoka chanted. Illumi’s eyelid fluttered, forcing himself to stay awake while Hisoka put his bungee gum to temporarily stop the bleeding. 

Gon was busy covering for them, fighting butlers that went through their way while Killua put his brother’s head on his lap. The magician’s hands were now full of blood, but he managed to stop the bleeding as best as he could. 

“I’ll be back, okay? I’ll make them pay for what they have done to you.” Hisoka assured him, giving Illumi a tight-lipped smile, but before he stood up, a bloodied hand held him and Hisoka stared at it, the white silver band now covered in blood glistened under the sun, 

“Protect my b–brothers… Promise me.” Illumi said weakly and Hisoka nodded. 

Killua only watched them with wide eyes, hoping that all of this would finish soon when Hisoka left them, now targeting their Mother instead. He couldn’t do anything since Illumi was lying defenseless. 

“K–Kill…” Illumi called him and the white-haired boy’s attention instantly went to him. 

“Yes, Aniki?” Killua replied unsurely. 

“Run... “ 

The younger frowned, “What do you mean?” 

“Run from here whilst our parents are distracted. Bring Milluki and Alluka with you…” Illumi answered weakly. His face had gone  _ too pale,  _ his body was now lacking blood. 

“I’m not gonna leave you here!” 

“Killua, p–please… Listen to me and do what I say. You’re the third oldest, which means that you have to take care of your siblings and help Milluki after…” Illumi sighed, “After I’m gone.” 

“No! Don’t say that!” Killua’s eyes were now filled with unshed tears, ready to fall as his brother gave him a soft smile. They completely ignored the death battles in front of them, as if it was only them in this world. 

“Shhh…Listen… Go to Hisoka’s penthouse and go to my room. In my drawer… there’ll be a map with direction on it. I’ve prepared a house… for us on Whale Island. You can rest there and have a good life with Alluka and Gon… Your friend won’t have to travel far to visit his aunt because it’s in the same area… You’ll like that, won’t you?” Illumi laughed even though he was crying.

Killua felt like there was something stuck in his throat. Illumi… bought a house for them? In Whale Island near Gon’s aunt lived, so that they could have a normal life? How long had he been thinking about this? 

“Sounds like a great plan.” Killua admitted, now tears fell freely from his face, “But I won’t leave you. I won’t…” 

“Killua, please… Listen to me…” Illumi insisted, now forcing his voice. He was coughing blood and his brother whined, desperate for someone to help him. 

“I won’t! I won’t leave you here! You will not die! Not after we reconciled. We will live in that house you bought in Whale Island together, and you can teach Alluka an even better table manner. She would like that, she would be the best princess in town.” Killua wiped his face and his brother’s face simultaneously, albeit recklessly, making their face stained with more blood. 

“Killua, please! For once in your life  _ listen to me!”  _ Illumi commanded strictly, but Killua won’t bulge. 

“I’m sorry, Aniki. I won’t go.” Killua replied, final. 

Illumi gave him a loud groan, desperately trying to change his brother’s mind even though it was no use. 

_ My siblings should go. They must go to a safe place. Please, someone, take my siblings away while they still can. They don’t deserve to be hurt just because I’m here as a liability.  _

Killua thought there would be nothing worse than this whole situation, but he was wrong. Not long after that, Illumi had his seizure episode. His body convulsed greatly and the bungee gum that held his wound in place almost got ripped because of how  _ greatly _ he jerked. The younger tried to yell at Hisoka, begging him to help him, but the clown didn’t listen to him, busy fighting his mother.

On the other side of the scene, the Magician was trying his very best to beat his fiancé’s mother. He was fighting with time to since Illumi was laid there, almost unconscious with a severe wound on his stomach. He needed to have that cure  _ now.  _

“For someone as low as you, I admit that you have a great skill.” Kikyo gave Hisoka a mad laugh when Hisoka’s card slashed her cheek. 

“For someone as old as you, I admit that you are a better fighter than I thought you are.” Hisoka retorted, wiping his bloodied lips, a damage he obtained when Kikyo threw a fist at him. 

They had been fighting since Hisoka knew when, but right now, he needed to take a risk. He wouldn’t have any progress if he stayed at this speed. He could see the Troupes managed to handle the Zoldyck butlers, but he could see that all of them were exhausted. Chrollo was still trying to fight Silva despite his absence of nen, and Hisoka was sure that it wouldn’t take too long before the Spider lost his energy. But this Kikyo lady was strong. He wasn’t joking about what he said earlier. Even though she was a middle-aged woman who already bore five children, her power was extraordinary.  _ How strong would she be if she was in her prime age? _

After dodging and sending punches and kicks everywhere, Hisoka finally found a crack in her defense. He instantly jumped and sacrificed his right leg when Kikyo kicked him. 

Adrenaline rush made him forget his broken leg as he threw a punch at her stomach,  _ an identical wound that Silva gave Illumi earlier.  _

“Painful isn’t it?” He spatted, golden eyes wide and mouth forming a smirk, “Now you feel it, yeah? You feel the pain your  _ own firstborn  _ feels _ ,  _ yeah?” 

Kikyo only sneered at him. 

“Now I’m gonna remind you that his  _ own father  _ did this to him. His own father! And you just stood there, have the fucking audacity to smile!” Hisoka was now hysterical, twisting his palm that was now inserted into Illumi’s mother’s wound. 

Kikyo didn’t give any comments nor replied to his cry, her left hand reached inside her  _ haneri  _ and took out a small vial filled with a clear solution instead. 

“This is what you search for, isn’t it?” She smiled, showing off her bloodied teeth. 

Before Hisoka could even react, she threw the vial to the ground,  _ hard,  _ making it splattered, the content inside it flowing rapidly and absorbed by the soil quickly. 

“You–” Hisoka gritted his teeth. 

“I told you,  _ darling.”  _ As though she knew that it was Hisoka’s pet name for Illumi, Kikyo lifted her head up so that her perfect red lips touched Hisoka’s ear and whispered, “You played a losing gam–”

Hisoka slashed her throat with his card, silenced her. 

“My biggest regret is that you died a quick death.” He panted. 

Hisoka didn’t have energy left. The adrenaline slowly left his body and he could feel how tired he was. His leg was throbbing painfully, his breath was irregular. He had broken a rib or two and he could feel his chest tighten as he tried to inhale a deep breath. He was  _ so tired  _ that he couldn’t sense that Chrollo was already thrown to a large three, now unconscious and Silva was heading toward him. 

_ He would’ve been dead by now if the person who sliced Silva to two didn’t come.  _

“I’m afraid that Silva was long gone. There’s nothing that we could do.” Maha said sadly, his eyes cast downward and Hisoka could see that his palm was bloodied, probably the result of his earlier action. He was so fast that the magician couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. 

* * *

With all the power that Hisoka had, he forced himself to walk to where Illumi was placed. He could see a beaten Feitan was leaning on a tree, Machi tending his wound. Chrollo had a huge gash on his forehead. Nobunaga’s left arm was badly severed that Hisoka wouldn’t be surprised if he had to cut it off. 

From afar, Hisoka could see Killua who was now a whimpering mess. Gon was rubbing his hand on his back, calming him. Maha stood beside his great-great-grandson and Milluki’s rope was being cut by Shizuku. Illumi's head was still on top of Killua’s lap, but he was not moving at all. 

A shiver ran up toward his spine, fear crept from his fingers to his chest as he tried to walk faster. 

“H-how is he?” Hisoka dared to ask, but Killua only cried harder while stroking his brother’s hair. 

When Hisoka took a peek at his fiancé’s face, he felt a heavy weight on his chest. 

Illumi looked like a corpse. 

The remnants of bungee gum were still there, still trying to hold the bleeding but the damage had been done. His face was void of all colour, now sickly white, all of his blood went straight toward the wound. 

“I-is he…” Hisoka couldn’t even finish the sentence. 

“He’s still br-breathing. But his wound… It’s too fatal…” Killua sobbed. 

_ He failed.  _

The cure was lost and Illumi was gravely injured. His medical team was on the other side of the country. And even if he managed to obtain the cure, it would have zero impact because of his wound. 

“L-love?” Hisoka crouched, he gave the assassin a tight smile, giving assurance to his fiancé, but in reality, he was giving assurance to  _ himself _ . 

Hisoka saw the ring that he just gave yesterday. An exchange of commitment between them, the declaration of love, a promise to a new life, now all gone. 

It was perfect yesterday. Everything had gone according to their plan. Hisoka was sure that he would succeed. But he guessed Illumi was right. He tends to underestimate his opponents that could cost his life. Though now it cost Illumi’s life instead. 

The magician stared at the lifeless state of the assassin and with trembling fingers stroked his bloodied cheek. His assassin, the love of his life, his soulmate,  _ his Illumi.  _ The one that would always tolerate him. The one that accepted him and all of his flaws. The one that saw the beauty in Hisoka’s tainted soul. The one that loved him for who he was. Now laid unconscious and defeated. 

He didn’t realize that now there were tears streaming from his eyes onto his cheek, kept falling to the ground beneath him. Hisoka could never even remember when was the last time he cried. He used to believe that showing a single emotion that represents  _ weakness  _ would make everyone underestimate him.

But Illumi already left him. His lover had left him. And Hisoka didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything else. 

_ For the first time since forever, Hisoka let himself grieved. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT THE END.
> 
> I couldn't spoil you anything but I would never lie about my tags. ehe.   
> I actually have a mixed feeling while writing and re read this chapter because I feel that I couldn't really portrayed their emotions, but I wrote this as best as I could so I hope you won't really mind about some errors :( 
> 
> Btw I have nothing toward Machi except for that time she left Hisoka when that man ready to spoil his past, I mean- BBBBBBIIIII akjsfklasdjbflakjsdbflajdsg :(((((   
> I really hope that the next chapters of HxH, we would find out about his past (but idk when lmfao) 
> 
> And I assure you, this is not the end, so you don't have to worry. 
> 
> What do you think of this chapter! I'm a sucker for comment so if you have any opinion, I really appreciate it!


	10. Epinicium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their battle had come to an end. How good could Hisoka and the Zoldycks cope with the result?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAA I'M PROUDLY PRESENT TO YOU THE ENDING OF THIS FICCCCC
> 
> This fic has been a great journey for me, as someone who started posting their works online (FINALLY). I started writing since I was eight (I could still remember 'Why' science comic as my inspiration lmfao) but I never had the courage to post it online until one of my friend read one of my works and she said that I should start to post it. 
> 
> Truth to be told, I'm kinda insecure because I don't have someone to beta read my works, so I know that I would make a lot of mistakes. And at first I never thought that a lot of people would read my fic. SO achieving more than a hundred kudos brought so much joy in my life! I'm really grateful for all of you who patiently waited for this fic, and being with me through this journey. Thank you so much!!!

_ Two months later.  _

Killua sighed while his right hand held two bouquets of magnolias. He was in front of the gate of the Zoldyck private cemetery, hesitant to enter. He never really understood the meaning behind pilgrimage and always hated the sombre atmosphere around it. The dead are dead anyway, why would they care if someone was taking care or visiting their graves? Didn’t they have anything to do up or down there? 

But here he was, walking down the graves of the late Zoldyck that could be traced up until five or six hundred years ago, holding bouquets of flowers that represented  _ dignity  _ and  _ perseverance. _

What a load of bullshits. 

He walked until he reached near the end of the cemetery, the younger the generation was, the farther from the gate they would be placed. Killua could see empty space from the fourth generation before him. It was placed for Maha Zoldyck, a small two times one meter squared for his last resting place. 

He had a lot of respect for that man, Maha. He truly outlived his successors. If one day the old man started talking that he was the human representation of god, Killua would absolutely believe him, simply because he already lived long enough. The white-haired boy even suspected that his great-great-grandfather was immortal. 

But Killua chuckled as he passed through his great-great-grandfather’s empty space. He realized that all of those achievements, total killings, missions, connections with world leaders, everything that Maha obtained until now, it would be nothing. He would only end up under the ground, the only two things shielding him from the dirt was a polished, good quality coffin and his last attire, possibly another dapper suit. Two of them would end up unravelled, being consumed by termites and other decomposing insects. Soon enough all that was left would be bones, and it would be gone either, and finally, no trace of him would appear on the Earth. 

Just like the previous generations of Zoldyck. 

All of them would be forgotten, no matter how influential or powerful they were. They just simply… Disappear, as time goes by. 

Killua sighed after he finally arrived at his destination. Two recent graves were in front of him, the tombstones were fresh, shiny black granite that hadn’t been ruined by time. There was no moss or vines covered it yet and he squatted to put the magnolias on each grave. 

_ Silva Zoldyck  _ and  _ Kikyo Zoldyck  _

“I don’t even know why I am here…” Killua clicked his tongue. 

He shouldn’t be here, he thought. After all of the pain that both of his parents caused him, his brothers, his sister, why should he pay damn respect to them? 

When he was an innocent kid, whenever it was, Killua was once relieved that he was a Zoldyck. Because no matter how fucked up or shitty he was, his family would always take care of everything that he wanted. He didn’t even have to worry about his death. Either he was killed, kidnapped, his body lost somewhere, he was sure that his family would find him and finally put him to rest in this gigantic private cemetery that they had. 

_ But that was a load of bullshits, too. _

Silva and Kikyo were lucky that they died inside the Zoldyck estate. Killua was sure that if they died anywhere else, Illumi would never give a single shit about their bodies and simply let them rot on wherever they died, judging on how his oldest brother had resented his parents. And even if Illumi still had one tiny little respect for their parents and out of formalities trying to find their bodies, Killua would never let him do that. 

So why was he here? Why did he care so much for his parents that he even bought fucking  _ bouquets  _ for them? Did he feel guilty? Did he love his parents? Did he hate them? He didn’t know. 

“Figures that you would be here.” A voice startled him from his deep thoughts and Killua turned his head, Illumi stood behind him, his hand holding two stalks of white tulips. 

His brother’s hair had grown longer since the incident two months ago along with the restoration of his body and nen, now reaching near his usual length. It was shiny, thick, and healthy that Killua could swear that Illumi could be a brand ambassador of any products of shampoo. 

He was still pale, but to be fair, Illumi was always pale. The differences were that now his skin looked healthy, plump and fresh. There was colour on his cheek, his eyes were sparkling, alive with joy, even though sometimes Killua could see a glimpse of sadness inside it. Something that might stay there forever and something that he couldn’t fix. 

“Aniki… I’m sorry.” Killua ducked and the other just tilted his head and frowned. 

“Why would you be sorry?” Illumi asked innocently. 

“Well,” Killua sighed exasperatedly, “Our parents had hurt us. They hurt you, specifically. But here I am, bringing two bouquets of flowers, dared to visit their graves. I’m ashamed, you know. After all of the pain that you’ve been through, how dare I did this. I feel like betraying you.” 

Illumi only chuckled and put his hand on top of Killua’s head, softly stroking his head, “Our parents loved us.” 

“What?” Killua stared at him. 

“Unbelievable, isn’t it? What kind of loving parents would torture and indirectly kill their children?” Illumi huffed, “I didn’t believe it either at first, but they loved us.” 

“They did love us, in their own respective ways. We couldn’t really blame them on how they demonstrated their loves toward us. They didn’t actually grow up in a normal environment. They just simply know that loving someone means wanting the best for their loved ones, even though what they did was insane and messed up.” 

“And you forgive them?” Killua asked, looking at the two white tulip stalks that Illumi held. 

“I suppose so.” Illumi shrugged and looked at the direction of Killua’s stare. 

_ White tulips. To evoke forgiveness. _

“It was hard, I admit. Especially when my own father punched a hole through my stomach,” Illumi let out a long breath and finally placed the tulip on both of the graves, “But it was tiring to hold grudges. Especially toward your loved ones even though you hate them.”

“How could you love someone you hate?” Killua asked. 

“I… Actually don’t have the answer for that. Ask Alluka. She’s the one who cured me.” Illumi shrugged and his younger brother frowned. 

* * *

Hisoka screamed and screamed, and screamed  _ so heart wrenching  _ whilst holding Illumi in his arms until he found out that his vocal cords couldn’t produce any sounds anymore and until he felt sore when he spoke. His eyes were red, tears falling down from his face, mixed with blood and dirt, and usually, Hisoka would complain that his pretty face was ruined but he just didn’t care anymore. 

Illumi was unconscious, Hisoka could feel his life slowly left his body as his pulse gradually became slower and fainter, but he couldn’t let go. 

“Please don’t leave me.” He cried with his wrecked voice, “I don’t have anyone else. Please don’t leave me.” 

“Hisoka…” Gon called, but the Magician didn’t listen–or didn’t care–and kept clinging at the dying body of his fiancé. 

Gon tried to touch his shoulder but Hisoka slapped the kid’s hand away and looked at him darkly, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” 

“Hey! Don’t be selfish! You’re not the only who lost someone!” Gon yelled and gripped Hisoka’s hand hard, anger in his voice but tears in his eyes, “You lost your fiancé but Killua and Milluki-san lost their brother!” 

When Hisoka heard Killua and Milluki’s name, Illumi’s earlier request rang over and over in his head,  _ “Protect my brothers… Promise me.”  _

The Magician cleared his head, wiped his face with one hand while the other still held the fallen assassin’s body. He looked at Killua the first time since he grieved and he never saw the boy look so dejected before. Not even when Gon was burnt into a crisp. 

This Killua has the same look as the twelve-year-old Illumi with tears in his eyes slowly falling through his cheek and ground, silently sobbing. He lost his usual mischievous stare and childlike spark on his eyes and Hisoka wasn't even sure that he could recover. 

_ Killua never hated his brother. On the contrary, he loved his brother so much, even before they fixed their relationship.  _

“I’m sorry…” Hisoka said to Killua with resignation. 

“It’s okay… You lo-lost someone you loved.” Killua hiccuped.

“No, no. You lost your brother. Come here.” Hisoka waved his hand. 

Killua walked toward the Magician and his brother silently sat beside them and held his brother’s hand. 

“I, uh… I–” Killua couldn’t finish his words and he put his head on Illumi’s bloodied chest and cried hard, unable to control himself. 

Gon instantly joined him, rubbed his back, giving soothing words that hopefully could calm his friend. He knew the feeling of losing someone, and he really wished that Killua would understand that he was there to help him. 

“I’ll protect you and your siblings. I will. I promised him. You don’t have to worry about anything.” Said Hisoka to the crying Killua. He put his hand on top of Killua’s head, staining the silver hair with red marks. The Magician knew that Killua would be angry if he did that in another situation but now the boy needed that. He needed to know that everyone would be there for him and his family. 

They stayed like that for a long time. Maha only stood near them, guilt was plastered on his face because he had to kill his great-grandson and watch his great-great-grandson die in one day. Chrollo looked sad, far from his usual expressionless face. Even stubborn Machi and Shizuku looked half guilty, cursing themselves not able to protect Illumi better. The remaining butlers that Killua tolerated, the one who actually sided with them stood silently. Canary was there, grieving with Killua. 

“Killu nii-chan?” A high-pitch voice broke their silence and Killua widened his eyes. He turned his head, trying to find the source of voice until he spotted Alluka, now outside and holding one of her toys. 

“Why are you crying?” Alluka asked as if she didn’t see what was laid on Hisoka’s lap. 

“A-alluka? How did you get out?” Killua asked incredulously. 

“I don’t know? The door just opened suddenly and no one was inside the house so I figured I needed to get out.” Alluka shrugged and walked toward them.

“Yeah, I opened her lock when all of you were busy fighting each other,” Milluki commented. He didn’t look as shattered and expressive as Killua, but the second oldest did look mournful, his body drenched in sweat and he was quieter. 

“Alluka!” Killua stood up, trying to shield his sister from the gore picture behind him. Alluka was still young, too young to know what death was. 

“Why are your hands bleeding?” Alluka asked innocently, pointing at Killua’s hand. 

Alluka asked with an utmost calm that Killua wondered how come an eleven years old girl could handle graphic images in front of her so well. But then he remembered that she asked for someone’s liver so… 

“Listen, Alluka… Illumi is gravely injured.” Killua started and she widened her eyes.

“What?! Illunii-chan got injured?! Can I see him?” Alluka asked, and Killua could see sincere worries in her eyes, and he nodded, taking his sister’s hand and guided her toward her brother. 

When she saw the state of the injured man, she instantly had tears in her eyes, “Oh no… Illunii-chan! Wake up!” 

But of course, the assassin didn’t comply and Alluka stared desperately at Killua, asking for an explanation from her older brother. 

“Alluka… I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do. Illumi is… His wound is too fatal. The only thing we can do is to accompany him.” Killua fisted his hand and tightened his grip on Alluka’s hand, making the younger winced. 

“Why didn't you just call me earlier!” Alluka whined, wiping her snot with the back of her sleeve and stared at her brother with determination, “Ask Nanika for help, nii-chan. Before it’s too late.” 

Hearing those words came out of Alluka’s mouth, Hisoka gaped at her. He knew from Illumi’s story that Alluka had a peculiar power and could grant any wishes. On the other hand, she could also make a terrible disaster if someone denied her wishes, but Hisoka didn’t know the extent of her power. Could she beat death? But Illumi wasn’t dead yet, so could she possibly heal him? 

“I-...” Killua looked at her, Gon, Maha, and Hisoka unsurely. Just earlier he thought that his brother was gone. He had come to a term to accept that, even though he knew that his life wouldn’t be the same. But now there was an opportunity in front of him, a chance to heal his brother, so why was he hesitant?

“Say the words, nii-chan.” Said Alluka softly, yet impatiently. 

Could she be able to heal his brother? Killua didn’t know if he could handle another heartbreak if she couldn’t.

“I know what you’re thinking, Killua. You don’t want false hope, do you?” Hisoka asked. His sadness was still visible, but he held himself as best as he could, “I feel that. I truly am. But if we have the slightest chance to help him, do we want to sacrifice his life or our heart?” 

“But he suffered enough in this world! I just want him to be happy. What if this is the only way for him to be happy? Would you be able to accept that?” Killua ran his hand through his hair. 

“You don’t get to decide that. He bought a house for his siblings, he got engaged! Don’t you think he wants to live?” It was Gon that now chirped. 

“I... I-... I don’t know... ” Killua murmured.

Then the white-haired boy sighed, once again wiped his tears and held Alluka’s hand, now vision clear, “Alright. Nanika…” He started, “Please heal our brother.” 

It was unclear to Hisoka about what happened after that. The only thing he remembered was the creepy face that Nanika had and suddenly he all of them was exposed to a light so bright that he was sure he would go blind. 

But the lights dismissed, and the sky went back to its usual clear, blue sky and he suddenly didn’t dare to look down because he still felt Illumi’s head on his thigh, but he knew that there was something different. He just couldn’t figure out whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Hey,” A voice underneath his head called him and Hisoka’s breath hitched because he  _ knew  _ that voice. He froze in his spot because he must be dreaming. It must be a dream. He lost his consciousness due to the shock of losing his loved one, that he dreamt about him. It must be it. 

But a hand touched his dirty cheek and it fitted perfectly as if it was made to touch him and Hisoka couldn’t breathe, and he didn’t dare to move either before finally the hand softly guided his face to look down and Hisoka couldn’t help but gasp. 

Illumi Zoldyck looked straight at him, his face was as healthy as he ever was, his wound was closed, and he was smiling. And he looked  _ beautiful. _

“Aniki!” Killua didn’t even think of Hisoka’s feelings as he rushed toward the now healed man and hugged him, accidentally knocked the Magician down, but Hisoka didn’t care. 

_ Illumi is alive. He’s alive and healthy and happy.  _

“Calm down, Kill. You’ll knock all of us out at this rate.” Illumi chuckled and Killua gasped. His laugh was so genuine and it was the first time Killua ever seen Illumi so happy. 

“I’m so happy it worked!” Alluka cheered. 

Illumi looked at her and suddenly she was nervous. His brother could be intimidating sometimes. He was quiet too, so she couldn’t figure out what he was thinking about often. But Illumi smiled at her and he opened his arm, and Alluka beamed at him. She ran toward him and hugged his oldest brother for the first time in her life. 

“Thank you Alluka. Thank you, Nanika.” Illumi whispered and Alluka nodded, still hugging her brother. 

“Glad that everything turned out well, huh,” Chrollo said behind them. He was still injured and Machi had to support him, but he looked pleased and Hisoka nodded. 

“Thanks for… uh, the help.” Said Hisoka awkwardly. 

“My pleasure,” Chrollo smirked. 

When Alluka released her grip from Illumi, the assassin’s eye darted toward the Magician and they both just stared at each other, as if they were shy teenagers who didn’t know how to talk to each other. 

“What are you thinking?” Illumi suddenly spoke and Hisoka didn’t reply. He was too busy caught up in the serene expression of his fiancé, the wind blowing his black hair–now it was back to its glory, even though it was still the same length as the one when he was dying–the sun make his eyes sparkle, something that he didn’t see in a long time. 

“You’re beautiful.” He blurted out, unaware of his own thoughts and mouth. 

Killua made a gagging voice and Gon laughed sheepishly. The Troupe, as annoying as they were, joined Gon, and Maha Zoldyck looked at them calmly. Satisfied with the ending. 

* * *

“Alluka never hated you, Aniki,” Killua whined, he had been talking about this over and over to his oldest brother, but Illumi never believed him. 

“Who wouldn’t hate someone who uses an ‘it’ pronoun when referring to them?” Illumi retorted. 

Killua sighed, “I’ve said this a lot of time, Aniki. Alluka. Never. Hates. You. The end. She was full of love that she would never think ill of someone. Especially you, her own brother. Her heart doesn’t have a place for hatred and grudge. She helped you because she loves you and that’s that.” 

“Just let him be, Kill. He’s stubborn. He would need time to realize that not everyone hates him.” A voice from their back startled Killua, though Illumi didn’t seem surprised. He really needed to train harder so no one could sneak up upon him. 

“Are both of you done yet? The traffic is busy and as much as I love it when you drive,” Hisoka pointed at Illumi, “You drive as if we’re in a race movie in a hurry. I still wanna live and I don’t like it when someone scratches my car.” 

“I’m the one who paid for your car,” Illumi said nonchalantly.

“But it’s  _ mine, _ ” Hisoka whined.

“Alright, alright. Go wait in the car. We’ll be there in a minute.” Illumi replied and the Magician rolled his eyes but obeyed. He left the graveyard, leaving the two Zoldyck siblings alone again. 

“Kill,” Illumi started when Hisoka was out of sight. 

“Huh?” 

“You don’t have to feel guilty.” 

Killua bowed his head and Illumi bent over so that he was the same height as his brother, “You’re still young. You’ve got a long road ahead of you and you’ll face this kind of situation often, where your feelings split into two. And that’s absolutely not your fault. We’re humans, after all.”

“Really?” Killua replied.

“Yeah. Who knows? One day you’ll probably have a huge fight with Gon, a fight so bad that you thought that you hate him, but you love him. It’s not your fault either.” 

“Aniki…” Killua rolled his eyes at Illumi’s analogy. 

“What? It’s possible.” Illumi shrugged, “The most important thing is your integrity. To know what is right and wrong, and to be consistent about it. As long as you have it, you’ll end up fine. I’m sure of it.” 

“Wow,” Killua widened his eyes, “Who are you and where are my Illumi and what have you done to him?” Killua joked and his brother rolled his eyes. 

“Just kidding, Aniki.” Killua chuckled, “But thank you, though. I feel better now.” 

“I’m glad.” Illumi smiled, “Now, c’mon. As much as I hate to agree with Hisoka, he’s right. The traffic would be terrible if we don’t go now. And I’m not really in the mood for playing racer.” 

* * *

Never in his life would Illumi feel as free as he was now. He always thought that he would be controlled by his parents forever, as a human soldier of the Zoldyck family. Even when he was saved by Alluka, that feeling was still there, as they had to face Zeno, the only Zoldyck left that hadn’t even known what happened between their family. Illumi gained his nen back, and he had Maha as a backup, but Zeno was a formidable man. Defeating him would take a lot of power. 

But when his grandfather came home finding two bodies–his son and daughter-in-law–he just shrugged, patted Illumi on his shoulder, “Good luck taking care of this family. I trust your judgment on who would be the head of this family now.” 

They were in the living room when Zeno said that, The Troupe had just left so it was only Hisoka, Gon, and the Zoldyck there. Of course, all of the audience’s eyes bulged, except for Maha’s. The old man only leaned on the wall near the grandfather’s clock, looking like someone who already figured out the secret of the world. 

“I’m sorry?” Illumi asked, unsure. 

“You bunch defeated your parents, my grandfather is on your favour, I hated my daughter-in-law, and I’m old already. I’m not really in the mood for arguments. Do whatever you like as long as you keep the Zoldyck name respectable.” Zeno answered without even looking at them, walking toward his room with his hands on his back. 

“Now please excuse me, I need to rest my back. This spine has already disappointed me.” He waved his hand and disappeared into the Zoldyck Manor corridor.

Truth to be told, Illumi couldn’t really make up what Zeno meant. His answers were vague and subjective, but as long as his grandfather didn’t strike first, he would gladly leave him alone. 

Killua remained adamant on his decision to give up his ‘heir’ status and gladly gave it to Illumi instead. The boy wanted to explore the world with his best friend, and he confessed to the oldest that he had zero clues on how to lead the family. His decision was supported by Maha and Zeno, as they happily agreed to make Illumi the heir of the Zoldyck due to his remarkable leadership and systematic lifestyle. They were sure that the oldest would be able to take care of their family business. 

Illumi replaced all of the Zoldyck staff, excluding the ones that truly cared for his siblings’ welfare and focused on hiring people who would be able to protect the family and nurture his siblings as normal as possible. 

As much as Illumi loved the idea of moving to the house that he secretly prepared in Whale Island, he loved the Zoldyck Estate too much, even though it probably gave him more bad memories instead of good. But this estate was the place where he grew up, a reminder of what he had been through, and how he managed to recover from all of the fucked up things that happened in his life. It was also priceless, a mountain that has been passed down from generation to generation. It had a lot of history that was impossible to just let go. So the only thing Illumi could do was to liven up the area, trying to fill the mansion with happier memories while the house on Whale Island being their favourite destination for vacations. 

The Zoldycks didn’t give up their job as an assassin. No matter what had happened in Illumi’s life, being an assassin was always in his blood. Though he was now more careful and more selective on picking his clients, only accepting jobs to assassinate people who truly deserve it. His white-haired younger brother stayed out of their business but sometimes when he figured out cases that hit too close to home, he silently took it out from Illumi’s desk and always returned it a day after with a tick on its file. Illumi would always smile fondly at it and give Killua the payment. Extra cash for chocorobo and plane tickets to travel the world, he said. 

Hisoka retired from his job at Heavens Arena, though the committee respected him enough to permit him to keep up his penthouse, as long as he came every so often as a guest star. He decided to join the Zoldycks and help them in their job, and it was not rare for him to be seen with his husband on a mission. Illumi’s level-headedness kept him in check, while Hisoka’s unique and destructive behaviour brought Illumi out of his shell. 

They tied the knot shortly after the incident when Hisoka already recovered enough from his injury. The ceremony was small and simple, attended by their family and The Troupes, along with Gon, his aunt, Kurapika, and Leorio. Illumi couldn’t manage to understand why would Killua’s friend attend their wedding and how could Kurapika restrain himself from killing Chrollo the moment he saw him on the venue, but Killua just shrugged and said that he already told them anything and they would do everything they could so that the event went smoothly. Illumi couldn’t ask for better siblings. 

On their road of recovery, both emotionally and physically, it was not as easy and as smooth as Illumi thought it would be. There were times when he still had the tendency to nag his siblings, and there were times when Killua would fight back, spitting cruel words that hurt both of them. Sometimes Milluki still looked at Alluka weirdly, and sometimes Kalluto still thought that Milluki was a lesser Zoldyck than all of them. But at the end of the day, with the help of others and the existence of communication–something that happened so rarely when their parents were still alive–they managed to resolve all arguments. 

Everything was well and Illumi never felt happier. 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You probably wondering on "why wouldn't they asked for Alluka's help before Illumi's illness getting worse?" well first of all she's kinda jailed inside her own house and for as long as Illumi lived, he kinda believed that Alluka hated him and he didn't deserve her help (or nanika's). And I'm pretty sure he was unsure of Nanika's power (in the anime he kinda worried about her power being uncontrollable (as much as I can remember), so being rescued by her was out of question for him. 
> 
> And I kinda cringed when I wrote Killua and Hisoka being hysterically sad and crying, yada-yada... but i think that's the point??? You kinda break the character to accentuate the serious condition that they relieved? So... I'm sticking with this one, ehe.
> 
> ANYWAY what do you think about the ending? Is it satisfying? is it disappointing? I'm curious! Let me know!   
> and as usual, comments, prompts, and critics are very much appreciated! 
> 
> And I also wanted to make a single chapter epilogue but I kinda want to make it a Milluki centric with his siblings revolved around the story. What do you think of it?


End file.
